There was the Rat Kid, walking towards the nest of Alligator-fish with legs. Wearing nothing but a bulletproof vest that's too big for me and two magnums on my back.
… The funny thing is, this situation isn't even in the top 20 most dangerous moments of this shitty apocalypse. And that says a lot about my week.
[The Rat Kid can do it alone] I say to John, the gorilla tamer, and Grandpa Orangutan, who followed me on this suicide mission.
[Is that so? Let's test it.] Grandpa replied while patting my back with his huge orangutan hand.
[GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA]
The scream of pain ran through my entire body, from the marrow to my fingernails, forcing me to stop.
[Gahaha, you are not very convincing.] Grandpa laughs.
[In his defense, even if he were fine, that would have hurt him.] John comments, patting my shoulder out of sympathy.
The Rat Kid is too busy crying to curse them.
[[[[[WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?]]]]] ""GRIIIIIIIIIIII""
When the girls and even the goblins yell at them over the radio, the two bastards cringe.
Kekeke, bastards, come with me to hell.
Thinking of something good, I look back, where Auntie and the others are waiting alert with the vehicles. Then, I put on puppy eyes.
Go ahead bitches, feel sorry for the handsome me and defend me.
[[[[On second thought, hit him again.]]]]
Sons of…
[Gahaha, boy, you are your own worst enemy.]
[Why does everyone say that to the Rat Kid?]
I could never understand it.
Is it the Rat Kid's fault for being better and more handsome than everyone else? Jealousy is unsightly.
[Oh, looks like there is already interest] when John comments casually, Grandpa and I look towards the docks.
Sure enough, hidden between buildings and walls, the fish with legs have already started looking at us with interest, but also with obvious hostility.
[Is this really a good idea?] [My grandson's diary says there is a possibility.] [I already told you that shit is pure theory.] [And yet, here we are.] [It's just opting for the best option.]
We keep moving slowly while we chat. Of course, we are alert to every movement.
As to why we ended up like this, it's simple. Efficiency.
If the diary is correct, there is a remote chance of establishing trade relations.
From what I've seen, the number of creatures with human intelligence is increasing.
I don't need a situation where I am the enemy of everything non-human, especially when I already have human enemies who want to use me as a battery.
Race difference? Species difference?
The only difference the Rat Kid needs to be aware of is the exchange rate difference.
As far as I'm concerned, as long as you don't break my balls and we can trade, I don't care if you are a 3-meter purple chicken named Barney.
Life is an exchange; if our interests coincide, let's hold hands and drink champagne; if not, we beat the shit out of each other.
It's simple. And the Rat Kid likes simple.
If this works, I save ammo, save risk, and save unexpected consequences from a race that could ambush me from the sea.
They might even be friends with that shitty octopus… No thanks.
And if it goes wrong, the giant cat is already prepared to get me out of here. I didn't bring her directly because she doesn't seem very friendly for negotiations.
But supposedly she has some kind of super speed, so, it doesn't matter.
At least she says it would take her seconds to grab me and leave.
Yes, now I can understand what she says, I don't know why. It's the first time I can hear the voice of an animal I couldn't before. The Rat Kid doesn't care about small details.
Grandpa and the tamer? The Rat Kid will always remember their courage and sacrifice.
Still, I am optimistic. After all, didn't I get it wrong with the goblins? They are supposed to be creatures you can't reason with, but my goblins are very smart.
That said, I'm starting to doubt they are goblins… But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Especially because I'm not risking anything. I have an escape method and even two live baits.
The Rat Kid is perfectly prepared.
CRACKKK!
When we were a few meters from the dock entrance, a huge trident is thrown from the favela. And after a perfect parabola, it embeds itself in the asphalt three meters from my feet with the force of a meteorite, shaking the ground.
[What material do you think it is?] [Bone?] [The point is it pierces concrete.] [The vest is useless, huh?]
The Rat Kid is slightly more unsure than a second ago.
[What do you think this means?]
[Get out?]
[Please wait?]
[It is definitely not a "please come in."]
[[That's for sure.]]
Without many options, we stay in our place. Meanwhile, Grandpa took out some polished metal pieces we found in a nearby decoration store and threw them in front.
If the diary is right, they should consider bartering with this.
We also got all kinds of metals before coming here, hardware tools, and other shiny things.
All loaded in Grandpa's and John's suitcases.
[[[[….]]]]]
Time passed without an answer. The sun is already burning the back of my neck…
[Hey, aren't you supposed to show a submissive attitude? What's with those straight backs? I feel your aggression from here and I'm literally behind you. Bow a little.]
Finally, Auntie complains over the radio.
Grandpa quickly opened the frequency.
[But I'm old, I can't be bowing because of my lower back.]
[I don't give a fuck.]
[I don't want to.]
Thinking about it better, we were not the best option for this diplomacy thing.
[[[[[IDIOTS.]]]]]
The girls complain; I have nothing to say. The Rat Kid knows when he has made a mistake.
"GIIIAAAHIIIIII"
Just when I was wondering if it was better to proceed to the shooting, a kind of unpleasant scream comes from the dock.
Soon, a group formed and approached us slowly, their tridents in hand and on guard.
How do I say it? How fucking ugly? I didn't think it was possible, but they are even uglier up close. Lidless eyes, mouths too wide filled with needle teeth, and skin that looks covered in industrial mucus. It's like the diary description, but with a double dose of ugly-cillin.
Besides, it starts to stink of dead fish. How can something that is always in the water stink so much?
Thinking about it better, the Rat Kid is no good for this Diplomat Rat Kid thing. From today on, someone other than me must do it.
"Hihia gia fi Gian fii"
Once close enough, the uglies started making signs and little noises.
[Okay, now what? What's the plan?]
[Honestly… I didn't think we would get this far.]
The Rat Kid just remembered he doesn't speak Fish-ish.
[Well… barter?] I say pointing to the sculptures on the ground and I also open the old man's suitcase so they see we have more things.
The uglies started talking among themselves with rapid clicks, although I don't understand a damn thing.
But I did notice they seem to be covering someone in the center of their group. Is it their leader?
"ghia mi fli fgia"
While I was wondering how we would do this, the group of fish slowly opened up, revealing the figure they were protecting.
How do I describe it? Well, in short, too human… The Rat Kid has seen enough anime to know that isn't necessarily a good thing.
For the rest of the fish, men and women, although their builds and postures vary, you can always say they are, at best, deformed fish with legs.
But the girl in front of us is different.
Her fish features are still there: huge dark eyes reflecting too much light, greenish-blue skin that looks like wet, slippery latex, gills pulsing softly on her neck, membranes between her fingers, and even ears like delicate fins.
But for everything else, she is a human… One with dangerous curves and barely covered by some nets and strategic shells… Very sexy.
"gish fil huan pi tic"
The sexy fish girl tries to talk to me, but I don't understand shit.
But before thinking of a way to solve this, the girl seemed to understand something. Her eyes fixed on mine and, slowly, she raised her hand, placing it slightly in front of her, palm facing me.
[Is this really okay?] Grandpa asked when I raised my hand to play along with the fish girl.
[We'll know soon.] I answer, and join my palm with hers.
The feeling isn't quite what I expected; although it was cold, there was no unpleasant slime sensation. And while I was thinking about irrelevant things, a slight bluish light appeared on our palms.
[Stop] I quickly warn Grandpa and John, who were about to raise their weapons.
I don't feel hostility; something seems to want to enter through my palm, but it's not aggressive, it asks for permission.
"fil huan pi tic"
The girl speaks again, making gestures that seem to ask me to calm down. So I do that.
Soon, a strange sensation runs through my body, as if they were injecting blood into my veins.
She isn't injecting me with fish-blood, right? The Rat Kid cannot lose his handsomeness. I don't want to have a catfish face.
[Human, can you understand me now?]
My thoughts are interrupted when the fish girl's words resonate and I understand them with total clarity.
[The Rat Kid understands.] I nod to confirm.
[Rat Kid? Are you not human?] she asked tilting her head in confusion. Her big black eyes blink sideways.
[The Rat Kid is, but he is also a member of the illustrious lineage of the Rat Kids.]
[… hehe, human, you are strange.] after a little confusion, the fish girl smiles, our hands still together.
The Rat Kid is on a roll this trip; bitches are dropping like flies.
[Human, why don't you know how to use magic to communicate?]
So, that strange sensation was magic. Does that mean the Rat Kid is now a Magic Rat?
[Humans of this world do not know how to use magic.] I answer honestly to the sexy fish girl.
[They are humans of this world… Human, do you know why my people were thrown here?]
[Actually, I was going to ask you if you knew why your world and mine are getting cuddly.] I say and look at the sky, urging the fish girl to follow my gaze.
[… We… Also want to know…]
Yeah, I don't think I can get much out of this tribe. Actually, I didn't expect much, but it's still a pity.
I prefer not to think too much about it anyway. It's not like it changes anything or I can do anything about it.
[Well, it doesn't matter if you don't know, I don't have answers either. Shall we get to the point? Are you interested in a trade?] I ask pointing to Grandpa's suitcase of metals.
The girl recovers her senses when I call her and her gaze wanders between the suitcase and me.
[… If it is the Alpha's wish.]
The what of whom?