I never got the opportunity to read this new Superman comic book because I bit the dust crossing the street. A truck out of nowhere appeared and BAM! Lights out. But here I am, within a world ruled by ideations, concepts, and most of all imagination. I immediately recognized who I was because of omniscience. I was Superman of the 5th Dimension, the same 5th Dimension that Mxyzptlk originated from.
It felt like the comic book I held within my grasp was the key to my renewed life. Instead of meeting my maker as the practicing Christian I had been, I was some kind of Superman, one set in the future of my past world or one who had quite literally just been created because of me. I did not care either way. I should have been freaking out, worried, that I would never experience my past life but now it seemed insignificant compared to the greatness I had become. My past had seemed like a dream.
My mission was also clear to me as this powerful version of Superman and that was to protect meaning itself in the DC Universe. Shield imagination from powerful enemies that wanted to rip it asunder. It was embedded in each wire of what I was to do but I did not want to do those actions. I simply wanted to chill and enjoy the scenic view, get up close to my beloved characters of the DC Universe. I knew there was not going to be some powerful menace for the 5th Dimension for me to really care about. The 5th Dimension had motherfockas like Mister Mxyzptlk to shield it for me.
Discussing the imp, Mxyzptlk himself, I couldn't believe my eyes as the little rascal actually materialized. He appeared before me, a mischievous grin crossing his face like a kid who had not heard "no" for a couple of hundred years. "Welcome to the 5th Dimension, Super-Buddy!" he boomed, his tone like one of those cartoon characters in my imagination. "You're really going to love it here. It's a cosmic playground, and you are the new kid on the block with all the superpowers!"
I didn't know what to say to all of that. I mean I was face to face with one of DC's greatest powerhouses so informally, and the fact that I was a formidable character hadn't really sunk in yet. And to top it all, the fact that I had to defend imagination? Not quite the same as crime-fighting in Metropolis, or Gotham. "So what's the deal here, Mister Mxyzptlk?" I said, trying to remain calm, like a kid who had been told they couldn't have an extra spoonful of sugar.
"Call me Mxy, simply Mxy," he laughed, tossing his hand dismissively to the side. "And the deal? I'm certain you're aware of what you must do, Super-Pal. Safeguard our world, the dimension of imagination, from the stodgy do-gooders and the crazy mischief-makers who would spoil the fun!"
"And what if I'd like to leave?" I asked, unsure of how he would respond to this idea on my part, "What if I'd like to travel the multiverse or drop by the Justice League? I mean, I'm not so much interested in defending imagination if there is minimal to no threat. Can't I just relax?"
Mxy's smile faltered for an instant, then snapped back, slightly more sinister than before. "Oh, but Super-Dude, if you refuse to be the hero, then another must step up and take your place, and they may not have half as much fun as you." He winked, and I attempted not to roll my eyes. I did not like the thought of some other individual claiming the hero card within a dimension as wild as the 5th Dimension. "But go chase the multiverse and gallivant as you please. Just remember, when the whistle blows, you've got a deadline, buddy."
It appeared I was able to go and come from the 5th Dimension at whim and journey to the other worlds according to my convenience, but I couldn't help but question what will this call look like when I am being called. Would he appear personally and say, "Hey, Super-Pal, got a little crisis on your plate?" Or would something much more sensational happen, like a bright, flashing sign in the air that read 'Superman's Imaginary Help Needed' in big, bold letters. I couldn't wait to see how that call to action would look.
"Then I'm off," I said to Mxy, as if I'd received the VIP pass to the amusement park of the universe. "Where do I begin?"
"Well, you did say you wanted to meet the core Justice League?" he asked, and I nodded. "Then go here," he pointed to a white spot on the massive colored sky, "Just fly there, and please keep your power levels contained so you don't accidentally unwind the fabric of reality."
I was about to fly away but then a young woman spoke up, catching me by surprise. "Just remember, that the choices you make you are creating another world, like a world where you chose not to meet the Justice League. You're never really going to meet your heroes in a literal sense because you create a new reality with each choice," she told me.
She was gorgeous like she was Jessica Rabbit. I for a brief moment wondered who she was but with my omniscience I found myself cognizant that she was married to Mxy, Ms. Gsptlsnz. I could not help but be surprised. "Thanks for the warning, Ms. Gsptlsnz."
"No big deal at all, Super-Cutie," Ms. Gsptlsnz purred, the curves of her body swaying slightly as she leaned forward, folding her arms across her huge breasts. There was a seductive, flirting tone in her voice that seemed to stroke my mind. "Just don't let your ego get too big for those tight pants of yours, okay?" She winked, and I knew I had to make a quick exit before I got a huge boner that would've most definitely angered Mxy. I could only manage to nod before I turned and left.
I took off like a rocket towards the Watchtower, the Justice League HQ of the future. It was both exciting and calming. I was a god here, but I was a guest. I had viewed them technologically already with my mind, but it wasn't quite the same as being close to them. You know, like looking up information on Paris but not actually going there.
But I couldn't help but wonder about Mxy's wife. She was most certainly flirting with me, and I pondered what would happen. It would be a kick to cuckold that conceited imp, and in addition, I hadn't experienced the gentle caress of a woman in... well, never, having just become Superman. I thought it would be physically impossible for me to be having such thoughts as Superman was a hero, but there I was, considering the possibility of an affair in the 5th Dimension.
Superman was a being of hope, and justice. A boy scout in the spandex and cape universe. But naturally, as an isekei to start with, I was like any other man. So yeah, sure I was fantasizing about fucking Mxy's wife.
The minute I arrived, I had no idea how I was supposed to gain entry. I couldn't exactly burst in, right? But how else was I supposed to introduce myself to them? I should have had Mxy teach me a secret handshake or something, I thought. I phased in front of the fortress, sort of like a teenager trying to sneak into an R-rated movie. I breathed deeply, and then I flashed in.
I looked around to be greeted by a group of superheroes with mouths agape, but the room was eerily quiet. It was like I was stepping into my high school after everyone had left for the summer. "Hello?" I asked, my voice echoing off the empty halls. It sounded a bit dorky, but who's to care? When you're the strongest guy in the room, you can be a bit clumsy.
And then, out of the blue, Batman appeared. He regarded me with his go-to suspicion, his instincts probably thinking that I wasn't the Superman he was familiar with. "Who are you?" he growled, sounding exactly like Kevin Conroy. I was stunned to see Batman in real life, I mean, cape. "I'm Superman from the 5th Dimension," I replied casually, trying to be cool, like I ran into Batmans on a daily basis. "And I wanted to meet you guys, see the Justice League up close. Just fanboy stuff."
Batman narrowed his eyes, probably thinking I was some kind of crazy person not far from the truth. "The 5th Dimension, right?" He said nothing else, but gestured for me to follow. The Watchtower halls were like a maze, but Batman navigated them like he knew the back of his hand. We turned a corner, and there they were – the Justice League. They were all looking at me, as if I had crashed their private party uninvited.
"Oh, we've got two Supermen?" Flash soke up, his gaze darting wildly between myself and the real one. "Why do we have two Supermen?"
"That's something I would very much like to know," the actual Superman replied, folding his arms across his chest, looking me up and down with a curious and suspicious gaze. "You've got some explaining to do, young one."
It was amazing to meet these dudes in person, I mean, these are the characters I'd read about, seen cartoons of, and played video games as. The Flash's comment jerked me out of my starry-eyed wonder. "Oh, yeah," I replied, scratching the back of my neck. "So basically I'm a copy of you, Big Blue, but from this crazy world called the 5th Dimension. I thought I'd swing by, look around, get an autograph or two."
Superman gazed on the imposter with an arched eyebrow. "Another one of those tricks of Mxyzptlk?" he wondered, and I found myself getting kicked out of my own fanfic.
"No trick," I said matter-of-factly. "I'm straight with you, pal. I've got all the same abilities and whatnot. And I've still got the same 'S' on my body, so I am not attempting to deceive you."
He glared at me, his eyes as unblinking as a liberty statue. The room was as tight as a pair of underwear after a gym class. "Alright, Prove it," snarled Superman, his voice like a mountain I knew what was next. A punch hard enough to floor even Darkseid was heading my way, and I had to prove to him I wasn't some cosmic fanfic come to life.
He came rushing, and I have to say, I kind of enjoyed watching him come to me like this. But it was nothing I had not seen before, quite literally. Not because I had studied each and every one of Superman's techniques, but because I had seen myself do this a gazillion times. I had seen myself toss this very same style of throw, so when he came with that haymaker, I was ready. It was caught in my hand cramping with effort, as you catch a bowling ball hurled upwards poorly by a toddler.
Superman, looking startled that I hadn't evaporated where I was standing from his blow, took a hovered back. "Okay, okay," he said, holding up his hands. "You're the real deal."
I winced as Superman's fist landed on my palm, but a bit of super-healing took care of the problem. The room remained silent, all of them watching me like we were the main attraction of some wrestling event. "So you all are okay with me hanging around, then?" I tried to say, trying to defuse the tension.
"No," Batman interrupted the silence, his tone as keen as one of his batarangs. "We don't have room for any Tom, Dick, and Harry with an S on his chest here at the Watchtower." His eyes drilled into me, as if he could pierce my Kryptonian hide.
I have no idea what I was expecting, I guess. Why wouldn't he say no? The objective here was merely to hang out, and if it were that easy, the joint would've been swarming with fans like me. But, I had to admit, being summoned by Batman was somewhat of a rush. Time to pull out the trump card. "What if I helped you guys out, like, with things?" I offered, "Like help fend off supervillains and save the world from end-of-the-world kind of situations."
That registered with everybody, not only with Batman. The room hummed like a surprise party had been thrown to the entire roster of past and present superheroes. "You can help?" asked the actual Superman, his eyes narrowing. "But you said you were here to look around?"
"Look around?" I laughed, trying not to sound as anxious as I did. "No chance, man. I'll help with whatever kind of trouble you all get into. Just don't expect me to bail out every cat stuck in a tree. That's your job," I said, nodding toward the actual Superman. I wanted this sorted out now. I did not want them to expect some fantasy version of myself to go around and bail everyone out. I was here only for the big dangers and to have a good time.
Wonder Woman herself, queen of the Amazons, burst in, her smile powerful enough to stop wars. "Well, if you're willing, we could always use an extra pair of super-powered hands," she said, surveying me up and down. As though sizing up a competitor. "But no need to rush. We have procedures for this kind of thing."
I did my best to keep my eyes from drifting over to her breast or her plump legs. After all, a true gentleman would do this, wouldn't he? I could always sneak a peek with my X-ray vision later. "Alright cool," I said. "What do I do to start, boss?" I leaned my head towards Batman, who continued to stare at me as if I were the next Joker.
"You're going to stay in the Watchtower," Batman stated with cold steel. "We're going to run some tests, see what makes you tick."
"And most importantly build trust," said Wonder Woman, lasso of truth in hand. "We can't take your word for everything, Super... newbie."
I was going to be there for a while because I wanted to get on the good side of the Justice League. I figured I would comply and let them examine me, not that I had anything to hide. I was really Superman on steroids, after all. Beyond asking about personal things, like whether or not you've ever whipped your shi to Wonder Woman before, I was fine.
**
The tests were filled with things that would get Bruce Banner's gamma-irradiated heart racing. They threw anything at me, from heat vision testing to the Flash race, to a bit of "catch me if you can" with the Boy Wonder himself, Robin. It was like racing to win at a carnival, except the reward was the respect of the Justice League and not a giant stuffed teddy bear. It was not a matter of passing the tests, it was a matter of showing them what I could do without perspiring. The only thing I had left to show them was my reality warping abilities, something that was strictly "only in case of emergency" type of scenario.
The final test was when Wonder Woman wrapped the Lasso of Truth around my forearm so she could question me and make sure I was not planning on causing any harm. It was tight, like a truth test without the device. The room was as silent as a tomb, and the only sound was my heartbeat thumping in my ear and hers as well since she was that close. "Do you swear to serve and protect Earth from all threats, physical and metaphysical?" she recited using a serious tone that could make Doomsday hesitate.
"Uh huh," I answered, attempting not to get too excited. "I'm all about saving the world and stopping the villains, Wonder Woman." She was standing close enough that I could smell the coconut oil she probably used on her lasso, and it was distracting in a way I hadn't expected. "So I'm assuming I passed?"
"Not yet," she replied, a smile playing about her lips. And I knew she had one last question in reserve. "Do you promise not to abuse your powers or let them go to your head?"
Well that goes all the peeping I was going to do on her, I told myself, keeping calm as she looked at me with those piercing blue eyes of truth. "You got it," I nodded, having just talked myself out of going full creep mode just so I could pass this test. "I'm just here to keep imagination safe and maybe even get a selfie with the original gang."
Wonder Woman's smile turned into a broad grin, and she nodded. "Good," she said, and the lasso unwound. "You're in." And the room erupted into applause and cheers. The tension had been dispelled with a swing of truth. The Justice League had welcomed me as a member, and it was like having just won the Super Bowl, but instead of a trophy, I got a pat on the back from the Man of Steel.
I couldn't help but let out a deep breath, as if relief had been building up inside of me for an eternity. It was over at last. The tests, the glares from Batman, and the perpetual cloud of suspicion that hung over me. Not to mention the constant wary eye of Big Barda & Mister Miracle in the control room of the Watchtower. The guy was likely betting how long it would take for me to snap.
I got up and now the tour was on my agenda. "So what's the grand tour like?" I inquired, looking around.
"We figured you would ask," Superman replied, his grin as wide as the horizon. "Supergirl will take you around." He gestured to his cousin, who looked like a golden retriever who had been given a bone. She clearly couldn't wait to show me the ropes.
"Come on, 5D Super-Buddy!" Supergirl exclaimed, grasping my hand and pulling me further on. Her grip was more insistent than I'd anticipated, and her enthusiasm was contagious. We sped along the corridors of the Watchtower, zooming past the Trophy Room, the Hall of Justice, and even the secret Batcave-like hideaway that only the League knew about. What would have taken us hours at foot speed to view the entire Watchtower took minutes, give or take. What took an eternity were the explanations of every room and every gadget.
"And this," Supergirl pointed to a plain door with a flashing red light,
"Is the room where we keep the really important stuff." She winked, and I couldn't help but wonder if I was stepping into a trap, but the cartoon variety, not the dastardly plan of the Joker. She opened the door, and we stepped inside to see... a gym. "You know, for when we need to work off some excess alien energy," she laughed, punching the air with a blow that would have knocked out a T-Rex.
The gym was immaculate, yet I already knew that it couldn't train someone like Wonder Woman who scaled well into Outerversal+, or me, for that matter. When you had reached that level of strength, you could only get stronger from plot, not from bench-pressing planets. "Wow, this is... intense," I tried, looking around at the exercise equipment that seemed to have been designed by Tony Stark after he'd had one too many espressos.
"It's for the... human league," Supergirl guffawed with enormous emphasis on human, observing my skeptical look. "But as you might be able to guess, we don't really need this kind of thing, do we? But it's fun to pretend, right?"
"I guess," I said, playing along. I was doing a fairly good job of not gazing at my favorite spots on Supergirl's body. I had vowed to Wonder Woman, after all. But the truth was, I was so busy taking in the tour that I wasn't actually looking at her. The Watchtower was just too incredible.
"And now the best part," she said, her eyes sparkling with excitement. She did not wait for an answer and simply took off again, pulling me along behind her like we were playing a game of tag in our childhood. We reached the hanger bay, where there were the Javelin and the other ships of its type. "These are our rides," she said, stroking the Javelin as if it were an animal.
I had already learned firsthand how advanced the Javelin was. I mean, I'd read plenty of comics to know that Batman's gadgets could rival Tony Stark's. But in person it was like having a Ferrari parked in your driveway that you weren't even allowed to touch. "So, is there a manual that comes with it?" I teased, staring at the cockpit. Using my cosmic sense, I already knew how to operate this vehicle, but I wanted to pretend.
Supergirl laughed, a sweet sound to my super-hearing. "Do not fret, we will take it out for a test drive," she said, climbing into the cockpit. "It is not a toy, however. It must be treated with care."
"Right, right," I said along with her. She turned on the Javelin, and the engines roared to life, their sound reverberating through the hangar like a dragon awakened from hibernation. "And don't tell Batman, either. He'd ground us both."
Supergirl laughed, her tone as soft as a feather on the wind. "You don't know me all that well, do you? I have the Bat-sense to warn me he's headed our way." And with that, we shot out of the hangar as if we were racing to save the world, which, naturally, wouldn't be much of an exaggeration if only we could master the act.
The grand tour was finished afterward. Supergirl had shown me what there was to see, and I was satisfied. What would make this day complete was if I hooked up with one of the Watchtower's superheroines. But I had to hold back, I wasn't here to hook up with every alien chick I met, I was here to save the day. But, jeez, if duty beckoned, I wouldn't say no.
The final thing Supergirl did was take me to my room in the Watchtower. It was a five-star hotel room, but with an injection of alien technology that screamed 'superhero'. The bed could fit a family of five and was piled with some sort of material that seemed to be embracing me. The shower in the bathroom could shoot me with water even if I was covered in Kryptonite mud. And the view? Let's just say, I would not have left bed if not to save the world.
The first thing I did after she was gone was to move away from the actual Superman. A blue Superman logo T-shirt and the brown cargos and boots did accomplish that. It was the closest I could come to Superman without violating copyright. And I kind of felt it was a bit of a casual Friday look for a Kryptonian.