I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. The dark circles under my eyes are starting to fade and my gaunt face is starting to take on a much healthier shape. I have to admit it sure is nice having access to three full meals a day. I'm still not feeling brave enough to ask for a snack or help my self to a cold drink but Claire assures me it will happen in time. The Staurts are so gentle and encouraging. There is never a feeling of having to meet expectations. It feels refreshing, safe.
I throw my hair into a messy bun and grab a pair a denim shorts from my draw. I pair it with a cammi top and my new converse that Claire let me pick out when I first arrived. I've never had any thing new. I take one last look in the mirror, sigh and head downstairs.
'This is your class schedule and a map of the school. I can see from your records that you have missed a significant amount of senior year. There are concerns that you won't have the correct grades to graduate with your peers this year.' Mr Miles, Sycamore High's principle is the first to give me the look. I hate the look. The look that says 'I'm sorry you've had such a sad and pathetic life and that no one has wanted to keep you around'. I take a silent breath and force a smile. 'I promise I'm going to work really hard to try and catch up, Im planning on graduating alongside everyone else'. I look at Claire, noticing a small smile. I could swear she even looks proud.
Mr Miles gets up from his desk and gestures to the door. 'First period is due to start, shall we make our way to class?' I give a small smile and walk into the hallway. There are people lining the corridor. Laughing and joking, getting things out their lockers for the class ahead. A normal high school. But why do I feel so nervous? Like a deer being hunted. Its not like I've never been the new kid before, this is my 9th school for goodness sake.
I say goodbye to Claire, she gives me a 'all will be okay' smile as I look over my shoulder.
I look down at my class schedule, first lesson - double math. Urrrggh. I hate math. As for double math, it should just be made illegal in my opinion.
I continue to walk down the hall, trying my best not to catch anyone's attention. Im staring so intently at the floor that I walk straight into Mr Miles. I blush and mumble an apology. Fuck, I hope no one noticed.
'This is your first class, Mrs Smith is expecting you, I wish you good luck on your first day Maggie' Mr Miles, gives me that look again before heading back towards his office.
I reach for the door handle, take a breath and give myself a mental pep talk.
As I walk on in I immediately notice that most of the class are already sat at their desks. They are laughing and joking and probably catching up on the weekends gossip. They immediately stop and look in my direction. I can literally feel their eyes on me. Shit, my whole face goes warm with embarrassment. Why am I so nervous? Usually I have a little more resilience, I've definitely been through a lot worse.
Mrs Smith looks up from her desk with a welcoming smile. She stands up and beckons me over. Clearing her throat she starts to talk. 'Attention please class, Id like you all welcome Maggie, she has just moved from out of state, Maggie would you like to tell us a little about yourself?'
Oh no, please no. I can't stand there and tell a bunch of teenage strangers about myself, no way. Not if I am hoping to make atleast one friend.
'Errrrrrm, my name is Maggie. I don't really have much to say but I like to spend time outside and reading' this is the answer I have given many times before and it will have to do again today.
I quickly scan the room and notice that no one appears to be taking much interest. Phew.
Mrs Smith directs me to a seat near the back of the class. I awkwardly make my way towards, making sure not to bump into anyone along the way.
I get my things out my bag and focus on looking at the board ahead.
'Pssstt, Maggie' I look to my left. Im faced with a huge smile from who I can only imagine is the happiest and most colourful girl on the planet. 'My names Summer'. 'Of course it is', I chuckle internally. 'Want me to show you around, must be ever so hard being the newbie?' She smiles even bigger. 'Errrrm, yea sure. Thank you' I mumble back. 'Great, wait for me after class' with that she faces the board and quickly starts to take notes with her fluffy pink pen.
'She seems okay' I allow my self to think, I even start to imagine us becoming friends. I so badly want every thing to be better then it was before and so far it has been. I start to copy down the notes on the board, trying to squash the constant feeling of uncertainty. And unease I have felt ever since I moved to Forest Springs two weeks ago.