Chapter 19
When next I woke, I found Sister Juliara seated beside me in a chair.
"I cannot imagine what possessed you to eat shrimp," she said, leaning back with untroubled ease.
My heart began to race with that familiar anxiety.
"You have been unconscious for an entire week," she continued.
"How did you know I ate shrimp?"
"I made inquiries," she said. "The King sent word to Father Sorin, asking why you had not yet presented yourself at the palace. Father Sorin left for the palace himself to apologize and explain. I do not care to meddle in the affairs of others, but the King's words are not easily ignored. If you can give me a good reason, I shall keep your secret."
My hazy thoughts from the fever fumbled for a proper answer. What would Sister Alethea say in this situation?
"I-it was an accident," I said at last, the words untrue as I turned my gaze away, unable to meet her eyes.
"I shall give you another chance."
I pressed my fingers together and began to fidget in my nervous habit. "Sister Juliara… might you be persuaded to let this pass?"
"No."
My thoughts leapt from one feeble excuse to another, and yet none seemed worthy. Against my will, my mind wandered to that moment I had witnessed, when Princess Yseldra had taken Nerissea from behind. The memory struck me so vividly that it dulled even my present fear, leaving in its place the same hollow ache that had pierced me that day.
"Sister Naevia, I am a busy woman. You have five minutes."
Right. This was not the time to think upon such things. I did not deserve even the thought of them. Yet though it had hurt me, I prayed that Her Highness had been gentle with Nerissea.
Nerissea…
My thoughts turned to that time when she resolved the troubles at Fun Camp with but a few words, and again when she dismissed those unruly men who barred our way. She had spoken in Princess Yseldra's name to sway the nobles. She had spoken in a viscount's name to send the men away. Both were names of power.
Had she borrowed the strength of the powerful? Or was it, perhaps, that she simply used people as one would use a key to open a locked door?
Used people…
Used people…
Ah.
I turned my gaze to meet Sister Juliara's, though my courage felt frail. Yet I had no choice. If the King were to discover that I had feigned illness to avoid presenting myself, I dare not imagine the consequences.
"I saw you and Sister Mirelle together. In acts of intimacy. More than once."
She did not so much as flinch. "That is another matter entirely, and it is simply untrue. Let us return to the present concern."
"But it is true," I replied. "You may deny it, but Sister Mirelle is a poor liar. As poor a liar as I."
A small crack appeared in her casual composure. "Are you blackmailing me?"
"A tab," I admitted, biting my lower lip in shame.
She studied me for a long moment before she rose from her chair. "You will never speak of this to Mirelle. It took me years to court her." Her eyes narrowed, and I shivered beneath the weight of her glare. "Keep my secret, and I will no longer question your reason for avoiding the King."
With that, she turned and left, closing the door with a sharp snap.
I remained still for a moment, and then a small smile touched my lips. For the first time, I had managed to resolve something.
---
I remained within my chamber for an entire week, taking my rest. Father Sorin returned during that time and prayed for me, as did several of the Sisters. Their kindness warmed my heart. I know that Ombrithar has already turned from me, yet even so, I cherished their care.
At the week's end, I had regained my strength, and a letter arrived from my mother.
"To my loving daughter,
Your father and I have all matters firmly in hand. You need neither present yourself at the palace nor respond to His Majesty the King or to the Duke. Remain at the temple and live peacefully.
It has reached us that Princess Yseldra and you are no longer in contact. We are so very proud of you. We know it was cruel of us to make such a request, and it caused us pain, for we wish for nothing more than your happiness. To make amends, we shall fund Fun Camp twice a year from henceforth. We will speak further upon our arrival. We have missed you dearly, and the staff have prepared gifts for the orphanages as well.
With all our love,
Father and Mother."
My heart ached and warmed at once. Fun Camp would now be held twice a year. And yet, the thought of being parted from Princess Yseldra… that I must learn to endure.
I steadied my heart lest it falter again. What we had has ended. Her Highness has moved on, and so must I. She has Nerissea now. I pray with all my soul that what binds them may be true affection, and not the bond of master and slave.
Two weeks passed, and no further letters arrived from the King or from the Duke. Life returned to its quiet pattern of prayers and chores. And most pitifully, I found myself once more using the largest of the dilators. This time, I did not even know why. Perhaps it was loneliness. No, it was certainly loneliness. That polished instrument had become my companion each night.
Of late, I have grown shamefully bolder. Such as today.
Since the air had turned chill, we were all now clad in dark cloaks. At the very last pew of the nave, I sat with my habit drawn up about me. Beneath the cover of my cloak, I parted my thighs just enough and set my hand between them, pressing upon that restless bud through the slit of my drawers. Watching the congregation so intent in prayer stirred desire within me. My pearl throbbed beneath my fingers as I rubbed and flicked it, and the delight made it impossible to stop. My legs trembled under the cloth, my breath quickened in secret.
I lifted my gaze to the great statue of Ombrithar at the altar. That holy sight only made my body burn more fiercely. It was so very wrong, and in being wrong, it became more intoxicating. In that moment, I could understand why Princess Yseldra had once succumbed to self-pleasure in this very nave, for the sensation was divine.
I slipped a single finger into my damp flesh while the other hand continued to torment my pearl. A wave of tingling bliss coursed through me. I was so very near, yet I knew the moment had not yet come. I slowed my fingers, tracing delicate circles around my pearl, trembling with restraint. I longed to touch the peaks of my breasts, to pinch and tease them, but my corset held me captive.
"And to all that is Hers," Father Sorin said from behind the altar.
A shiver passed through me. I began to flick my bud in quick little strokes, parting my thighs wider and lifting myself slightly from the pew, for I had learned that the pleasure comes far greater when nothing hinders me beneath. The wave was nearly upon me.
"May Ombrithar light our paths," Father Sorin proclaimed.
"May Ombrithar light our paths," the voices echoed, and at that moment my body yielded. My essence spilled forth, and a stifled, breathless moan escaped me as bliss consumed me in silence.
Oh heavens… it was exhilarating…
I hastily wiped my dampened fingers upon my drawers, let my habit fall back into place, and sat again upon the pew, my body slightly quivering still from the rapture that had overtaken it.
I had only just regained my composure when Sister Mirelle approached with a gentle smile. "You have been sitting alone ever since Sister Alethea departed. May I join you?"
"I do not mind," I replied, though anxiety crept over me, for the tender bud between my thighs still throbbed faintly from my shameful indulgence. I prayed she would not notice.
She sat beside me. "I have heard the gathering of Giglian flowers shall take longer this year."
"Really?" I asked softly.
Another Sister who was passing nearby paused. "It has always been a month's work in former years. What has changed?"
"There are far more blooms this year," Sister Mirelle said with a smile.
I could not help but smile as well. More flowers meant more sweetness for the children.
"Sister Naevia," came the voice of Sister Juliara as she approached. "Princess Yseldra has come to see you. She awaits in Prayer Room One."
With that, she guided Sister Mirelle away.
Though I had long wished the best for Her Highness and for Nerissea, my heart fluttered wildly. I made haste toward the prayer room.
Could it be that she had come because she missed me? But I thought she had Nerissea?
I came swiftly to the prayer room and lifted my hand, intending to knock. Sir Lorcan tilted his chin toward the door. "Go within," he said. "She is waiting."
I drew several steadying breaths and stepped inside. The sight of her struck me still. She stood by the window, wreathed in golden light, her golden cloak catching the sun. She did not look at me. Her gaze remained fixed upon the world beyond the glass. "I hear my father has summoned you to the palace," she said.
"Yes."
"I came only to ask that you consider returning to Baymoon. Will you not think upon it?"
"I do not wish to."
"I see," she answered softly.
A long silence settled. At last she turned and moved toward the door. "Thank you for receiving me, though I came uninvited. Forgive me if I disturbed you."
Her hand reached for the knob, and the thought of never being alone with her again seized me with force. In desperation, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her from behind. She froze, still as stone.