Hmm, place and time...
Alright, first, the time period:
First, the Warring States Era? No: Too chaotic.
No, really not the era of the legendary fighters. Absolutely not.
Ending up at twelve years old dodging a Hashirama sprouting a forest with a snap of his fingers, or a Madara throwing meteors while riding a giant fox? No thanks.
First and Second Great Ninja Wars?
Also no.
I don't really know them, so just in case.Too unstable, too little information. Too many deaths for too little context.
...
And the "canon" era?The Naruto era? Absolutely not.
I'd rather be older than the "rookie 9" generation, to at least have a chance against those two prophecy-chosen ones — the little prodigies destined to save the world, guided by fate and divine plot armor.
If I'm younger or the same age as them, I'm doomed to be a background character with broken ambitions after the very first team meeting.
So I cut to the chase, decisively:
"I'll take the pre-canon era. Same age as Itachi Uchiha, please."
Best compromise.
Young enough to benefit from the academy system before it turned into a daycare, but old enough not to be overshadowed by Naruto and Sasuke.Bridging the Third Great Ninja War to learn faster and better shinobi arts, instead of doing four years of studies only to end up with almost no basic skills at age twelve.And with a bit of luck, the Third Great War will serve as my training ground — a skill accelerator rather than a death sentence.
Because seriously, three basic jutsus at twelve after four years of academy?Henge, bunshin, kawarimi? Thanks, peace. But me, I'm aiming higher.
Now, the village.
Kiri?
No. Definitely not.
My power, Predator, is literally like a kekkei genkai in how it works. And guess what Kiri was doing at the time?Oh right: the bloodline purges. I'd get my throat slit in an alley before even learning how to properly form a hand seal.
I'd be purged before I could say "ouch."And on top of that, constant civil wars and coups every two days — hard pass.
And that's not even mentioning the genin exams involving killing your classmates as soon as you enter the academy. Even with a broken power, I'm not exactly eager to gut my only childhood friend for a promotion.
Yeah, I know, I'm a softie.
So no. Too unstable. Too bloody. Too... Kiri.
Kumo:
Also no.Even worse… in a certain way.
If I remember correctly, those guys kidnap people from rare clans to bring them to Kumo and "integrate" those clans into their village.
So, over there, as soon as they smell a rare kekkei genkai or hereditary power, there's a good chance they won't train you.Instead, they'll put you in a breeding chamber.
For life. If even half the fanfics and theories I've seen are right, my fate would be to pump out kids for science, like a baby factory, until I die of exhaustion.
Why am I already thinking about "pumping out" kids? I'm the guy here! Well… not really...
Anyway, no thanks. I may not currently have a sex, but even so, the idea alone hurts to think about.
Suna:
Two words: Rasa and Gaara. Absolutely not.
Bastard #1 seals a demon inside his own kid and drives him insane.Bastard #2, a kid who could disintegrate me in my sleep because he had a bad dream. Nope. Definitely not. Suna is the kind of village where even the children are unstable weapons.
And then there's the desert...
Though, maybe I could try becoming friends with Gaara...
...
Though, I just realized something...
...
I just realized something fundamental...
...
I actually don't give a damn about that guy.
Really.
It's nothing personal. It's just that the idea of spending years patiently, stressfully, having Naruto-style inner monologues to win the friendship of an ultra-traumatized, potentially unstable kid with a psychopathic chakra beast in his gut?
And we're not even talking about the bonus feature — a 50/50 chance that "Kazekage-sama" discreetly offs me in some hallway, just so Gaara feels even more isolated. All to make his son even more psycho.
Nice parenting, Rasa.
I never understood his plan in the original story.
Honestly, the base plan is fascinatingly stupid.
Because no matter how many excuses you give me — telling me you want a super-powerful weapon and blah blah blah — this plan is completely idiotic.
You want a super-powerful weapon? Then why are you torturing its host since birth? You want him to be loyal, stable, functional?
No. You want him to explode at any moment and reduce your stability and manpower by killing anyone who pisses him off? Which happens almost every time someone crosses his path. Bravo! Objective achieved.
And yet, Suna still exists. I'm almost impressed.
No, really, I'm amazed every day that this village hasn't been obliterated by Gaara.
...
Konoha:
Tempting. It's the village of heroes.
And the most powerful.
But I'd rather avoid it.
It may seem all cute and cozy — ramen, little smiles, flowers, birds, candy-colored everything — but don't forget the dark side: Orochimaru, Danzō, Root.
Born with a gift? Congrats, you just won a ticket to a life of experimentation or indoctrination. At best, you become an emotionless machine. At worst, you end up in a jar, half-dissected, while Orochimaru takes notes and chuckles. So no. I may love ramen, but I value my physical and mental integrity.
And, well, losing my virginity at five and becoming a test subject because of a suspiciously-inclined snake? Very hard pass.
Yeah, Pedo Snake... no thank you, I'm gonna pass
...
Iwa?
Hmm. Not bad, actually, kind of tempting.
There's Deidara.
...I mean the jutsus — explosions, living sculptures, clay bombs, katsu, all that.
I don't have a weird kink for mouths in hands. Not at all. I'm perfectly normal.
Just maybe a little… curious.
And, to be fair: they have a real visual ninjutsu culture over there.
And it doesn't seem too fanatical, nor obsessed with human experimentation. Not too sectarian, no guts-on-the-table autopsies — already pretty good compared to some.
But… Third Great Ninja War, we're the losers.
Like, really.
Reputation in tatters, morale in the gutter, and a rigid hierarchy that doesn't seem to forgive originality. I could survive, but it would be a risky bet.
Also, I don't know much about this place — it's barely explored in the manga, books, or anime.
Let's be honest: I know nothing about Iwa.
They must have appeared like three times in the whole anime, with a total screen time and development equivalent to Tenten.
Tenten!
That tells you how forgettable they are.
Oh, and it's ugly.
Might seem trivial, but it counts. Their buildings look like concrete blocks thrown around by the worst architect in the world. Looks like the castle drawings of a six-year-old. Even Suna's sand houses are more welcoming.
So… what to choose
...
Unless…
I smile inwardly at the idea, then straighten up in my imaginary astral body, almost proud of my discovery.
"I'll take Takigakure."
I declare, after long, careful, meticulous consideration.
It's a good choice: not too many problems before getting strong, not too many kekkei genkai predators, and a small village.
Even if the jutsu repertoire I learn there will be smaller than in a big village, it will still be significant with the ongoing war.
A good compromise. A very good compromise, actually.
No random purges of kekkei genkai carriers.No orphanages turned into human experiment labs.No military dictatorship disguised as ninja democracy.No lecherous snakes on the horizon. That's already perfect.
And above all, no old mummy named Danzō lurking in the basements looking for arms to graft or young prodigies to kill for who-knows-what reason.
Small village, hidden in the forest, not big enough to attract attention… but not too insignificant to be boring. Discreet, flexible, and above all: free.
No fake-friendly system like Konoha.No purges like Kiri.No kekkei genkai farming like Kumo.
Small village, discreet, hidden in the forest like a secret too convenient to be real. Not powerful enough to draw the big guys, not weak enough to be ignored.
Their jutsu repertoire is smaller, true. But in the middle of the Third Great Ninja War, even the smallest villages have to bring their best arsenal. I'll learn. Fast.
Takigakure is a blank slate, or almost.
Bonus: the technique of…
of…
...yes, that one technique they have…
uh… the… the one with…
…water?
And the one with…
Threads? Yes, threads. Like chakra cables, or iron vines…
Well, I forgot the names. But it was stylish.
So it's decided.
Takigakure. My starting point.
"Very well, born in Takigakure, thirteen years before the main plot," God mutters, returning to tap on an invisible surface with his hand.
"Now, the last step," God declares, his voice rising slightly, as if to mark the end of this long interview.
I remain silent. A little breathless—metaphorically—after everything we've just gone through. Power, form, place, time… everything has been decided.
What could possibly be left?
I tell myself he's going to drop another clause, a little "oh by the way" with consequences as light as a shuriken in the eye.
But instead, he looks at me. A piercing gaze, almost… compassionate?
Then he suddenly lets it out, like it's obvious:
"What you know… will vanish."
I stare at him, surprised.
He raises a hand, palm toward the sky. A soft, flickering light dances there.
"It's the price to pay."
"The price?" I repeat, a little disoriented.
He nods slowly.
"Precise memories—names, events, deaths, intrigues, betrayals—all of that, I will take it. You won't carry it with you."
I stay there, silent, thoughtful.
He continues, in a calm, almost gentle tone:
"You'll keep the basics. Chakra. Villages. Jutsu. A few names, if I deem them important for your situation. But the rest… disappears."
He raises a finger, as if reciting an immutable law.
"You want a life? A real one? Then you have to write it yourself. Also, it's the price to pay for reincarnation, especially if you choose your own birthplace and year, and assign yourself a body and powers from an entirely different world."
"We're in the afterlife. You think we're where? At your mother's house ?"
Damn
"Not even, as she don't like you either. Not that I can't understand her."
Go f...
No.
He still can...
"Read your mind." God finish as tap his hand on the desk
"So... you accept ? Of course you do."
I blink. Or at least I think I do. Strange to still have bodily reflexes when you no longer really have a body.
And I nod.
I understand. It makes sense.
It's fair.
It's… necessary.
God smiles. Not mocking. Not proud. Just… nothing.
"At least you are quick about it."
Then his tone becomes cold again, brisk:
"Now go, I have a lot to do and you've taken up precious time.""Come on, get lost."
And without another word, a force rips me away, swallows me into the void.
My mind slides, stretches, tears.
I feel nothing. No weight. No temperature. No gravity.
Just silence.
Nothingness.
And then… one last sound. The divine voice. Echoing in the void, grating with irony.
"Ah, by the way… sorry about that."
"But I clearly had neither the desire nor the time to search among Taki's populace to give you a credible parent. And even less to write a whole cute little fictional genealogy with family history and all that."
I sense trouble. I don't respond. Not that I could; my mouth doesn't exist. My tongue doesn't exist.
Nothing of my body exists.
"So I took someone known. A name that floats around. A local figure. Nothing really important... and nothing to worry about, don't stress."
A pause. Then, with a hint of a chuckle in his voice:
"It might therefore be a bit complicated for you. For reasons totally beyond my control."
…
I feel the trap coming.
"You might hold a grudge… but honestly?"
…
I see it coming. Like a shuriken in the back.
"I don't give a damn shit about what you think of me."
"Soooo, goodbye... and try to be liked by a least one person in your second life... loser"
And on those celestial words of dubious professionalism, the void opens wide. And I fall.
Just one thought in my head, as my being is suspended in the emptiness, falling into nothing, the void.
Damn. What a day.