Dear Diary,
Honestly, I wanted to say no. But with everyone watching, and Chi standing there pouring her heart out, the word never made it past my lips. She's not perfect, but she's done everything she can to show up for me. And now… I'm engaged. Engaged to a woman.
Six months ago, I never would've imagined this. Chi has been good to me—better than most. She's cared for me in ways I've always craved. But deep down, something feels unsettled. Something whispers that this isn't the forever I've been waiting for.
I thought I would be overjoyed, planning a wedding, stepping into the role of "wife." Instead, I feel reluctant, even heavy. It scares me to admit that the picture I always imagined doesn't match the reality I'm living.
The truth is, I love Chi. But is she truly the one I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with? Or am I holding on because it looks right, because it feels safe, because she's given me what no one else has?
I know I can't stay silent. I can't build a marriage on hesitation. But how do I say this without breaking the heart of a woman who's sacrificed so much to make me happy?
—K.
Kyndall sat up in her bed staring at her engagement ring, brewing over the feelings that came up. not know which came up out of fear and which ones were her intuition telling her to run. She and chi never really argued or had bad days. Their connection was literally what she always wanted in her partner. However, having a family was always dreamed about in a traditional sense. Not saying it couldn't be that way with chi, it just feels like something missing. And she didn't think Chinae was the one who could provide that.
He phone rang, it was a FaceTime call from her sister. They were so close her sister could feel something was wrong when Kyndall picked up the phone
"Uh oh! What's wrong? Kenadey asked with concern
Kyndalls eyes fill with tears before she could speak.
After work she met up with Tee for dinner and drinks. She talked about the guilt she felt with everyone but her fiancé. But chi had been away on a work trip. It wasn't something she could bring up with her being miles away.
Her conversation with tee didn't help much. No one knew this but tee wasn't the biggest fan of chi to begin with. It was almost as if she was jealous of the relationship. Her support always felt half-hearted, laced with side comments that left Kyndall wondering if her friend was simply being protective—or if something else was at play. There was an edge to Tee's disapproval that felt personal, almost like jealousy. And sitting across from her that night, Kyndall couldn't help but notice it more than ever.