The next morning, Hermione first had to endure a scolding from Ron. He couldn't come to terms with the fact that Snape was Hermione's new B.E.L.F.E.R. project.
"You'll never be able to change him, Hermione, why don't you finally see that?" Ron asked desperately.
"He's saved our asses countless times, so don't be so ungrateful. Without him, we'd all be dead and Voldemort probably in power!" Hermione finally snapped.
Harry joined the argument, hoping to calm things down a bit.
"He never did it for us, Hermione, you know that as well as I do. I can better understand his bitter attitude since he showed me his memories, but there's still a lot I don't understand. He would have given his life to save me, yet at the same time managed to hate me to the core. The only thing he didn't despise about me were my green eyes. He never cared about me as a person; he only wanted my mother's death not to be in vain. Don't forget, he offered my life and my father's to Voldemort in exchange for sparing my mother! That's sick! That's what Ron means. Snape never learned what good and evil really are; he had his own twisted rules. They may stem from his messed-up upbringing, but that doesn't make his actions any better."
Hermione was silent for a moment and let Harry's words sink in. It was different when he said it. Harry was factual; Ron always overreacted emotionally. Harry was definitely right—she knew it. Every single word was the truth. So why the hell did she still feel, or perhaps because of that, an immense urge to crack open Severus Snape's nutshell? Because she felt she was closer than anyone had ever been before, including Lily?
"He still deserves a chance. He's become much more approachable." She sounded like a defender of an obviously convicted murderer.
"One might think this is Hagrid talking about his half-brother Gwarp, now all that's missing is you calling him cute and cuddly," Ron snapped, and Hermione had to restrain herself from slapping him.
"People can change, Ron. Snape just never got a real chance. Maybe he thought Dumbledore gave him a second chance. But that was only partly true. Dumbledore used Snape to raise Harry like a slaughter animal and then let him be shot down. He always withheld the real reasons from Snape. Wouldn't you feel betrayed too? For me, Dumbledore is hardly any better than Snape."
"Hermione, I'm tired of constantly arguing with you about the bat. Can we do something together this afternoon, Hermione?" Ron abruptly changed the subject. He seemed to realize he had no chance of a somewhat peaceful afternoon otherwise.
Hermione's expression stiffened when Ron said the word "bat."
"We have so little time for each other because of all this crazy catching up on lessons," he continued, without noticing Hermione's anger.
"After tutoring with Snape, okay? Let's say at five in the common room?" Ron asked, giving his girlfriend a reconciliatory kiss before heading to his room.
oOoOo
Hermione stood in the middle of Snape's office, who was still scribbling a few lines on a paper with his quill without looking up, while Hermione spun around admiring the tall bookshelves like others admire the ornate marble columns of a cathedral.
She wished she could be locked in here for a whole week to examine the books in peace. Snape certainly owned dozens of books not found in the library.
"I would love to borrow a book from you sometime, Professor…"
Snape stopped writing and looked at his curious student.
"Keep your hands off it!" he replied curtly.
"Off what?"
"Off the dark magic. I see that those books have particularly captivated you. Keep your hands off."
This time he sounded downright unfriendly.
"Why? Your cabinets are full of them. You're fascinated by them."
"I've already burned my fingers—in every sense."
Hermione turned to Snape and studied his expression.
"Lily?" she asked softly, as if she feared the answer.
"Leave Lily out of it," he snapped like a crocodile from a pond that had seemed calm moments before.
"You need to finally face Lily," Hermione replied calmly.
Snape's vertical frown deepened, but Hermione's feared attack didn't come.
"That's impossible; there are too many things left unsaid between us. I will never be able to come to terms with her. It's simply impossible," Snape said as objectively as he could, but Hermione noticed the turmoil beneath the surface. She was secretly grateful he hadn't verbally attacked her.
"You could try telling me," she ventured a step closer.
Snape let out a cynical laugh.
"Yes, I could. Believe it or not, just having that possibility sometimes chases away my nightmares."
Hermione's eyes grew wider at this unexpected confession.
"You're still afraid I might betray your trust, aren't you?"
She moved a few steps closer.
"I would never betray your trust. I want you to know that."
Snape's X-ray gaze pierced her, as if searching for proof of her words.
"Trusting others is not exactly my specialty. It's ironic that I betrayed the trust of the one person who unconditionally trusted me. I seem to have no luck picking trustworthy people, so I once decided to keep it to a minimum."
"Maybe someday you'll succeed anyway. I wish for that. Not just for you."
Snape looked thoughtfully at Hermione, lost in deep thoughts for a moment. He quickly recovered and switched topics.
"I suggest you take a closer look at the Nagini case. Part of the material you missed in recent months concerns deriving potion formulas at exam level. The wound balm and the antidote are perfect examples. I will show you how to derive the formulas yourself—always based on practical experiments."
For an hour they worked side by side, filling test tubes and testing different antidote variants. They talked when necessary, or Hermione asked Snape her countless questions. He took endless time because he recognized that Hermione could and wanted to follow every explanation.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the glass, and Snape grudgingly let in McGonagall's owl. He unfolded the small piece of parchment the owl carried and released it again.
"I have to go to McGonagall briefly. Dale and Dennis from the sixth year have pulled a prank on a Hufflepuff again. Continue working, I'll be back soon."
With that, he left Hermione alone.
Suddenly, she realized Snape was showing her enormous trust by leaving her here alone. He could just as well have canceled the lesson.
.
END OF CHAPTER
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