The other side opened into his secret abode — a wide, open hall lit by shifting auras and floating shards of crystal, their reflections rippling like water across the floor.
Beth and Morty were already there, standing on opposite ends of the trial space, each looking equally impatient.
"Where the hell were you?" Beth crossed her arms, her tone sharp but her foot tapping just enough to show it was more annoyance than rage.
Rod raised a calming hand.
"Relax. No problem. Just had to deal with some business."
Beth eyed him for a second, then huffed.
Morty glanced between them like he'd caught a scent of something bigger.
Rod walked up to Beth first, lowering his voice slightly.
"Everything's fine. Trial's still on track.
I wouldn't have left if it was something that'd mess you up."
Beth's expression softened a hair.
"Good. Because I don't like interruptions when I'm about to win something."
Rod smirked, turning to Morty. "You two ready?"
Morty hesitated, then glanced at Beth.
"Uh, before we start… you know, my parents… they were, uh, separated for a while.
It'll be hard but sometimes it's needed and maybe their love become stronger due to the separation."
Beth's brow furrowed at that.
For a split second, the thought actually hit her — a flicker of worry in her eyes.
But then she shook it off with a shrug.
"Not gonna happen to my parents. They're not like your weak parents."
The irony hung in the air like a bad smell.
[Author: Beth you're literally one of the weak parents!]
Beth even leaned in slightly, flashing Morty a smug look.
"Mom and Dad? Rock solid. You'll see. I believe in both of them!"
Rod looked between them, a little amused.
"Glad we're all so confident."
Morty's attention snapped back to Rod.
"S-Sorry Beth, I just....n-nevermind...
Hey, uh… can I meet Rick? Like… now?"
Rod blinked. "Oh, shit. Forgot to ask him about that."
He rubbed the back of his neck, then shrugged. "Maybe he'll swing by.
I invited him to watch the trial. If he does, you'll meet him then."
Morty's eyes lit up. "For real?"
Rod smirked. "For real. Now, get in position. This round's not gonna run itself."
Rod was just about to open his mouth to announce Round Two when the air above the trial hall warped like heat over asphalt.
A shimmering crack split the space, and out poured a parade of gaudy, twelve overdressed figures that looked..."stupid".
Front and center, a smug, bearded guy in a toga with lightning bolt cufflinks.
Behind him, a war god with an axe bigger than Morty.
A smug hunt goddess chewing bubblegum
There's also some Apollo ripoff with a lute.
And way in the back… a gloomy, black-robed figure with a "Hi, My Name Is Hadesh" sticker on his chest.
The bearded guy stepped forward, voice booming like he'd practiced it in the mirror.
"Roderick Sanchez! By decree of the Celestial Council, you will surrender the Godseed—"
"—or the Trial Rights—" added the bubblegum huntress with a lazy twang, blowing a pink bubble that popped loud enough to echo.
"—that are meant for the mortals named Beth and Morty Smith," finished Hadesh, monotone, like he couldn't care less about being here.
Rod raised an eyebrow.
"Wow. An actual council delegation.
What's next, the Space HOA complaining about my dimensional landscaping?
Who the fuck are you guys!? Do anybody knows these nobodies?"
- - - - - - - - - -
Rod lounged back in his chair, a half-empty flask in one hand, the other lazily flicking through glowing motes of godseed energy.
The Twelve Olympianshes circled him—Zeush crackling like a bug zapper on steroids, Herash glaring as if she'd been personally insulted by his posture, Aresh already flexing his pecs in anticipation of violence.
They wanted the Godseeds. They needed the seeds!
Rod snorted.
"Who the hell are you people supposed to be again? A cosplay cult? Bunch of ancient nobodies with shiny titles?
You think you're gonna strong-arm me into handing over my godseeds?"
He stood, pointing dramatically to himself.
"If you want them, you're gonna have to fight m—" His eyes suddenly flicked to Beth and Morty, standing awkwardly behind him.
A crooked grin split his face. "… them!"
The gods glanced over at the two bewildered Smiths, and the Olympiash hall dropped into a heavy silence, broken only by Morty's nervous, high-pitched, "Aw, jeez…".
Beth leaned closer to him, eyes flicking between the newcomers.
"I don't know if you've noticed, but me and Morty aren't exactly in fighting shape for… whatever the hell this is."
Rod smirked. "Yeah, I noticed. Which is why you're about to get a crash course."
Beth gave him a flat look. "In dying?"
"Nah." He glanced back at the assembled "gods," then back to her with a grin that was all teeth.
Morty swallowed audibly. "Uh… Rod? I'm, uh… still thinking about that kitties fuckfest from last time.
I think I-I'm not ready for this level of fight, yet."
Rod ignored him, rolling his shoulders and stepping into the center of the hall.
"You know, normally, I'd swat these motherfuckers into the next dimension and call it a day."
He tapped his chin theatrically. "But then I thought… why not make this interesting?"
Beth frowned. "This is not 'interesting.' I'm interested in the fights, of course, but not when I'm still a fucking kid!"
"You'll live, my lil' devil, I believe in you! You too, Morty! But nowwwwww...."
Rod's grin widened as his multicolored aura began to ripple and flare, painting the hall in shifting rainbows.
He raised both hands, then clapped them together — the sound cracking through the air like a detonation.
"ŌKUNINUSHI: COSMIC CAGE!"
[It's Shinjutsu from Naruto
Okay it's from Boruto BUT Rod learn this during Naruto so...you understand it already mfs!]
The walls of the trial hall dissolved outward, replaced by a roaring, impossible stadium— floating asteroids for platforms, rivers of plasma snaking through the air, and an audience made of things that definitely weren't human… or alive.
The "gods" glanced around, momentarily thrown off.
Rod just spread his arms, basking in the chaos.
"Welcome to Round Two, folks," he said over his shoulder to Beth and Morty.
"Try not to die too fast. That'll makes a boring show for my friends here."
Zeush swaggered forward, twirling a golden lightning bolt.
"So these are your little trial champions, Rod?
The boy looks like he's afraid of deodorant, and the girl—well, she's dressed like she's here to return a blender, not fight a god."
Beth's eyes narrowed.
"And you look like the discount logo for a Greek yogurt brand. What's your point!?"
The war god, Aresh muscles bulging out of his bronze armor, pointed his axe at Morty.
"That one smells like fear."
Morty's voice cracked. "I do not!" He paused. "…Okay, maybe a little."
The hunt goddess, Artemish who was been chewing a gum blew another bubble, letting it pop right in Morty's direction.
"Aw, he's adorable."
Apollosh strummed his lute and grinned.
"I once wrote a song about a kid like you.
It was called Destined to Die in the First Five Minutes. Big hit on Mount Olympush."
Morty threw his arms up.
"Oh, yeah? At least I'm not wearing eyeliner in a fight, dude!"
Apollosh ticked off. "It's called war paint! You wouldn't understand!"
Hadesh let out a slow sigh. "Can we just kill them, guys?"
Beth jabbed a thumb at him. "Wow. You must be fun at parties."
Rod watched from the side, smirking like he was enjoying the roast session way more than he should.
The Zeush waved his lightning bolt at Morty again.
"Kid, do you even have powers?
Or are you just here because Rod didn't want to fight us alone?"
Morty looked at Rod. "Uh… are you gonna let them—"
Rod shrugged. "Trash talk's part of the game, kid. Consider it cardio for your ego."
Aresh cracked her knuckles.
"Maybe after we're done, you can polish our armor.
Wouldn't want you to feel useless."
Artemish chimed in, "Yeah, and maybe you can braid my hair.
Y'know, if you survive."
Beth stepped in front of Morty, smirking. "Oh, don't worry about him. He's tougher than he looks. Which, granted, is a low bar."
Morty groaned. "Thanks, Beth."
The Dionysush sloshed wine onto the floor and pointed at Morty.
"And you—hope you brought a mirror, 'cause that face is gonna need a lot of repairs after this."
Morty's eyes narrowed. "Wow. Ancient god, timeless wisdom… and you're still doing high school insults."
Hermesh laughed. "Hey, at least in high school we got dates."
Rod finally stepped forward, hands spread.
"Alright, alright, save some material for after someone gets their teeth kicked in. Audience loves a comeback story."
The gods postured in their gaudy armor, glaring down at Beth and Morty.
Zeush spun his lightning bolt like a car salesman showing off a cheap baton.
"Surrender the Godseed, or face the wrath of Olympush!"
And then Rod's voice rolled across the arena like thunder, bouncing off the floating asteroids, everywhere and nowhere at once.
"Wrath of Olympush? Please. More like Wrath of Old Navy's Clearance Rack.
And what with Olympush, like dafuq, your world must be raised with iPad kids and got speech development delays."
The Greek squad looked around.
Beth smirked instantly—she recognized the tone.
Rod's voice boomed again.
"Zeush! Love the look, bro.
Really screams, 'I peaked at 40 and now I'm charging desperate single moms $99 an hour for personal training sessions.'"
Beth snorted. Morty covered his mouth, trying not to laugh.
Aresh gripped his axe and snarled.
Rod's voice cut her off, "And you—yeah, you with the axe. Sweet compensator. Overcompensating for something?
Or just hoping that oversized butter knife distracts from the fact that your haircut's been stuck in 500 B.C. since the Peloponnesian War?"
Artemish cracked her gum. "At least we have style!"
Rod's laugh echoed overhead.
"Style? Honey, you look like Hot Topic ran out of vampire cosplay and threw you into the 'buy one get one free' bin.
And congrats on the bubblegum—real intimidating.
I bet dentists file restraining orders when they see you coming.
And I bet that dude can't even play his lute."
Apollosh strummed his lute threateningly. "You mock the arts?"
Rod's echo didn't miss a beat.
"You mean that thing you bought from Space Guitar Center's clearance section?
Bro, please. My neighbor's car alarm will have a better rhythm than you."
Hermesh zipped back and forth across the platforms, trying to look fast.
Rod cut him down mid-sprint.
"Careful, wing-feet!
Those sandals look like they came free with a Happy Meal.
You really flexing speed with those tiny wings!? Get outta here!
And you there...that wine smelled disgusting. How did you even fuck up at brewing some wine?"
Dionysush hiccuped, wine spilling. "You dare mock the god of wine?"
Rod's laughter rattled the whole arena.
"Wine? Buddy, you look like a frat bro who couldn't graduate in seven years.
Careful not to pass out before your turn—oh wait, too late."
Even Hades got dragged in.
Rod's voice dropped low and mocking.
And look who's here—the big edgy trench coat guy.
Love the sticker, by the way. 'Hi, My Name Is Hadesh'?
Very official. Nothing says 'Lord of the Underworld' like needing a nametag so you don't get lost at brunch."
Morty doubled over laughing, wheezing.
Beth shook her head, but the grin tugging her lips gave her away.
The Zeush roared in frustration. "You think you're clever, Sanchez?"
Rod's rainbow aura shimmered faintly in the sky overhead, his voice rolling like cosmic thunder.
"Clever? Nah. I just have eyes, and a functioning sense of humor.
Which is more than I can say for your council of bargain-bin deities.
Now, I said my pieces...let's see how do you do in this royal fucking rumble!"
- - - - - - - - - -
The arena shimmered, walls of the trial hall tearing away like paper until everyone stood in a stitched-together madhouse of biomes that defied logic.
Rainbow aura lingered like a crown in the sky, and his voice echoed like a smug announcer.
Directly beneath their feet stretched a vast obsidian coliseum floor, black stone veined with glowing cracks of molten energy, each heartbeat of the planet pumping fire through its arteries.
At the edges, though, the floor dissolved into a chaos of mismatched ecosystems, jammed together like a cosmic collage.
To the left, an ocean biome sprawled outward — but not with normal water.
This was an endless sea of neon slime, glowing electric green, with phosphorescent waves slapping against jagged cliffs.
Sea monsters the size of skyscrapers occasionally surfaced, their eyes glowing like streetlamps, before plunging back down with wet, thunderous crashes.
Beyond that ocean rose a frozen tundra — jagged glaciers suspended midair, chunks of ice floating upside down in the sky as if gravity had called in sick.
Snow whipped sideways, carried by impossible winds, and crystalline wolves stalked across the frost with jaws that dripped icicles like fangs.
On the opposite side, the land burned in a desert of glass and fire.
The sand shimmered, melted into sheets of glowing obsidian that cracked under heat.
Geysers spat liquid flame that twisted into serpents before collapsing back into molten puddles.
Charred cactus stood like skeletal hands reaching from the earth.
Morty pointed with wide eyes. "Uh—did that cactus just… eat a bird?"
The cactus burped fire.
Beth rolled her eyes. "Focus, Morty!"
Above them, impossible structures hung in the air.
A jungle biome floated upside down, massive vines dangling like nooses, dripping with alien fruit that oozed purple sap.
Strange apes with too many arms swung across the greenery, howling in voices that sounded uncomfortably human.
To the far horizon, a city biome rose — skyscrapers stitched together from every timeline and dimension.
Neon lights from a cyberpunk spire clashed against medieval castle towers, while entire floating suburbs rotated in slow orbit around the skyline.
A subway train looped in midair like a rollercoaster, occasionally opening its doors to nowhere.
Rod's voice echoed again, "Welcome, contestants, to Smash Royale™.
Explore the wonderful vistas, you can die in the tundra, drown in the slime sea, or get your ass handed to you by flaming cacti.
The choice is yours!"
Morty swallowed.
"This… this is insane."
Beth cracked her knuckles, smirking despite herself.
"Insane? This is Sanchez!"
Overhead, the rainbow aura flared brighter, a promise that the madness had only just begun.
The rainbow sky shimmered as Rod's voice thundered:
"Alright, kiddos and cosplaying geriatrics, time to spread the fuck out!
Can't have all of you clogging up the same real estate.
This is a godhood trial, not a toga orgy."
With a snap of his fingers, a cascade of multicolored light engulfed the contenders.
One by one, they were ripped from the obsidian floor and dropped into different corners of the stitched-together world.
Beth slammed down on the edge of the glass-and-fire desert, the obsidian dunes glowing under her boots.
A flaming cactus hissed at her before spitting embers, which she sidestepped with a sneer. "Figures."
Morty crash-landed into the upside-down jungle, dangling by his hoodie from a vine before hitting the mossy ground with a wet splat.
A six-armed ape screeched in his face, and Morty yelped.
"Oh, come on, Rod! You couldn't give me the city biome?!"
Zeush landed dead center of the slime ocean shore, lightning bolt crackling as neon waves lapped at his sandals.
His bolt fizzled, sputtering in the damp air.
"This… is undignified."
Artemish snapped into existence on a glacier chunk high above the tundra, casually blowing a bubble as the wind howled.
She nocked an arrow tipped with ice.
"Guess I get the high ground. Sweet."
Aresh thundered down into the molten desert proper, his axe burying itself into cracked glass sand that hissed smoke.
Lava geysers burst around him, and he grinned.
"Home sweet home."
Apolloh appeared in the floating cyberpunk-medieval mashup city, strumming his lute on top of a skyscraper wired with neon signs.
"Finally, a proper stage for my art."
Hermesh blinked into existence midair above the slime ocean.
For a second, he flailed—then zipped across the surface like a stone skipping water.
"Fastest spawn alive, baby!"
Dionysush belly-flopped into the neon slime sea itself, surfacing with his goblet still intact.
He took a sip.
"Mmm. Pairs nicely with fish guts."
And Hadesh? He just materialized in the tundra shadows, hood pulled low.
He didn't move. He didn't need to. His aura leaked like a cold fog across the glaciers.
Then the rainbow aura blazed overhead, his voice echoing omnipresent and smug.
"Alright, listen up, combatants. Here are the rules of Smash Royale™."
A giant glowing scoreboard blinked into existence in the sky, littered with ridiculous icons; lightning bolts, lyres, wine goblets, and… was that a plunger?
"Step one: loot the map. My multiversal care packages are already dropping.
You'll find all the good shit—Zeush's backup lightning bolts, Athenash's cracked shield, Hermesh' winged socks, even Hadesh'… uh… emo diary if you're lucky.
Use 'em or lose 'em."
Beth squinted at the sky as a glowing loot chest parachuted into the desert with a giant "OLYMPUS INC." logo.
"Oh, for fuck's sake."
"Step two," Rod continued, "last one standing wins, and—oh yeah—advancement in the godhood trial.
That means you, Beth. And you, Morty.
The rest of you? Participation trophies if you don't cry too hard."
Morty shouted from the jungle. "This is bullshit! I didn't sign up for Battle Royale!"
Rod's voice chuckled. "Correction. You signed up for me.
This is how I do trials. Adapt or die, kid."
A horn blared, shaking the mismatched biomes.
Loot crates the size of trucks started falling from the rainbow sky, glowing mythic gold.
Rod's voice dropped into a growl.
"And step three—don't fuckin' camp. I see you. I'm goddamn everywhere."
The biomes trembled as the first loot chest cracked open, spilling a golden trident and a pair of winged flip-flops.
Rod's laughter echoed. "Welcome to the Royal Rumble of the Gods, folks!"
- - - - - - - - - -
Do you get any of that?
WHOOOOO'S REAAADYYY FOOOOOR RUUUUUMBLEEEEEE!
PEEEACE!