There was one thing that Heka didn't understand at all. No matter how much he pondered, no matter how many sleepless nights he endured, the truth remained elusive. He would never be able to know exactly what had happened.
The reality was shrouded in shadows, far removed from the simple narrative he had constructed in his mind.
Heka had believed that once he received the Soul Delivery, his life would finally settle into a semblance of normalcy. He imagined a future free from torment, especially the relentless insomnia that had plagued him for so long.
He pictured himself finally able to sleep peacefully, like everyone else, without the gnawing anxiety that had haunted his nights.
But reality, as it often did, proved to be far more complicated and cruel than his hopeful expectations.
He had been told that the one who came to him was Lexus, a figure Ansel had mentioned before.
Yet, the truth was far more unsettling. It was not Lexus who had come to him in that pivotal moment, but the Malphas. He was powerful beings whose intentions and presence were cloaked in mystery.
This revelation was something Heka would never uncover on his own. The veil of secrecy was impenetrable.
Ansel, who had been his guide and confidant, now held his tongue. He refused to share any details about what had truly transpired. His silence was not born of forgetfulness or neglect, but of deliberate choice.
It was as if some invisible force had sealed his lips, forbidding him from revealing the truth to Heka. This silence was a heavier burden than any words could have been.
Ansel also had a reason behind. Hence, he didn't want Heka knew about it. First, he didn't know what the reason for Ansel to give Soul Delivery to Heka. Second, he didn't want to interfere in what really happened to Heka.
In the end, Ansel's role was clear and limited. He was merely an intermediary, a conduit through which the Soul Delivery was passed to Heka. Beyond that, he was powerless or unwilling to do anything more.
There was one thing he didn't understand. Why was there someone who are destined to have a sad life? There are people who are destined to have a simple but happily ever after?
Determination of destiny for everyone was very random. It did not matter if the person has a good or rotten heart. The threads of fate wove their intricate patterns without regard for virtue or vice.
Perhaps it all depended on luck. If fortune smiled upon you, your days would be filled with joy, warmth, and the gentle embrace of happiness.
But if luck turned its back, your existence would be cast into shadows, a bleak and desolate path where hope was a distant memory and suffering a constant companion.
Ansel knew what happened to Heka. It related to the past that had disappeared from his memory.
Heka had sensed this void. Before his nights became restless and his sleep elusive, he had felt a disturbance within, a nagging sensation that something vital was missing.
For days, he struggled against the invisible barrier in his mind, trying desperately to recall what had been lost.
It has completely disappeared from his memory.
He knew, deep down, that this forgotten past held the key to his torment. The sleepless nights, the unease that gnawed at his soul, were not random afflictions but symptoms of a deeper wound.
In the end, destiny was a game of chance, but for Heka, it was also a puzzle waiting to be solved, a mystery locked away in the depths of forgotten memories, waiting for the moment when the pieces would finally come together.
Would it come by itself? Or would someone unravel the truth for him? Why did he have to experience insomnia that was so long and didn't go away?
It was just that Heka did not know when it will happen at all. It became the most anticipated, the most awaited moment of his life, yet it stubbornly refused to reveal itself.
Heka often asked about it, pressing for answers every time he underwent treatment.
But there was never a clear answer. Instead, he was met with vague explanations rooted in psychological theories, abstract concepts that seemed to dance just out of reach of practical understanding.
It all made Heka sick of psychological theory.
There was no useful psychological theory. In the end, Heka realized that the only person he could truly rely on to fight the battles of life was himself, not the doctors, not the psychologists.
At first Heka visited a general doctor to overcome her insomnia. But after several treatments and all the drugs were given. They were completely unable to cure it. In the end, he was referred to a psychologist.
After consultation, it actually made his insomnia getting worse. It made him hate psychologists because every treatment they would say similar.
"Calm your mind"
It was repeated by every psychologist he visited. He remembered when he did hypnosis treatment. It had absolutely no effect. Finally, he pretended to be influenced by the hypnosis.
He felt a deep, almost painful sympathy for the psychologist who had tried so earnestly to heal him. Despite the professional's best efforts, the hypnosis sessions had absolutely no effect.
Desperation pushed him further, beyond the boundaries of conventional medicine. He turned to nonmedical treatments, paranormal methods.
He found himself surrounded by terrifying, grotesque visions, horrible objects that seemed to crawl and shift in the corners of his vision.
Deep down, Heka knew it was a terrible idea, a reckless gamble born of frustration and hopelessness. The experience was worse than he had imagined. But it was failed. He had run away because he saw all the scary horrible objects.
When he finally reached the safety of his home, the torment did not end. Hallucinations haunted him relentlessly, blurring the line between waking and dreaming.
For nearly a week, sleep eluded him entirely. His mind became a prison of paranoia; every sound, every touch, every unexpected movement sent waves of terror crashing through him.
He remembered the moments when Clancy had called him repeatedly after school, concern evident in his voice. But Heka, consumed by paranoia, remained silent and avoided looking back. In his fractured mind, the voice on the other end was no longer Clancy, it was something else, something threatening.
Unable to reach him, Clancy followed Heka and gently patted his shoulder. The sudden contact shattered Heka's fragile composure. He screamed hysterically, a raw, primal sound born of fear and confusion.
Then, in a voice trembling with disbelief and suspicion, he asked the question that revealed the depth of his torment: "Are you really Clancy?"
Recognizing the severity of his condition, those around him arranged for Heka to quarantine in the church. Slowly, the paranoia began to lift, replaced by a fragile sense of peace.
He was always reminded by a church priest. He was Father Johan. The words of Father Johan were deeply attached to his conscience.
"You don't have to do anything. You just need to believe. One day, you will definitely get everything you should get."
Those words echoed in Heka's mind long after the priest had spoken them. It became a reason why Heka stopped the treatment and just let insomnia keep in his daily.
Soul Delivery was the very first treatment he undertook after everything that had transpired. There was a simple yet profound reason why he was willing to accept Soul Delivery. He was just curious about it.
His encounter with Ansel remained shrouded in mystery. Heka found it difficult to grasp the full nature of their meeting, the purpose behind it, or the forces at play.
Yet, despite the confusion, a part of him longed to know more, to unravel the secrets that Ansel represented.
But that longing was tempered by fear.
Heka stopped himself from delving deeper, from chasing the shadows that Ansel's presence cast. The mystical world was a realm of unknown dangers and unsettling truths, and Heka was still frightened by what had already happened to him.
That was why he chose the safest path. He avoids at all.
"If you don't want to live in fear, then avoid all the things that scare you. There is no guarantee that fear can just disappear because you get used to it." He told himself
One way was to turn fear into a weapon. To let it fuel an obsession, a burning hatred that demanded revenge. This path was dark and consuming, a spiral that could destroy as much as it empowered.
The other way was to befriend fear, to find a special door, a passage that led away from the corridors haunted by that fear. A door that opened onto a path where fear held no dominion, where peace and quiet could flourish.
The only one who could make the choice was yourself, from your own conscience. Without any provocative, including a psychologist.
The second option that Heka chose. He did not seek revenge. Conflict and disputes were not his way. What he desired most was a quiet, peaceful life, one free from the turmoil.
But the door that Ansel offered was filled with everything that scared him. Therefore, Heka chose to stay away. He reduced his interactions with Ansel, retreating into the safety of distance and silence.
Because he was very sure that the message conveyed by Father Johan. "if the Lord Jesus give you the door and you deserve it, one day will definitely get it."
All Heka had to do was believe that the Lord Jesus would provide what was best for him, in the right time.
Yet, that right time remained a mystery, a secret held beyond the veil of the present.
What Heka have to do was to be patient and wait for it.
There was one exception to his cautious waiting. If Soul Delivery could rid him of his insomnia, if it could grant him the simple gift of restful sleep, then he would have nothing more to ask for. For him, it was more than enough.