18. "FIND SOMETHING SPECIAL"
Have you ever found yourself in a quest, looking for something or somebody that's gonna become your rescue? To a point where you start believing in anything that gives you a little bit of hope, they say love is blind but it's really the heart that is blind, especially when you've got a void that you desperately wanna fill up.
I don't know how to keep it player anymore, I try to keep myself out of the streets, I got a few girls that still waste my time only when they're lonely and I can't say I don't entertain that shit but I've been looking for something, somebody to rescue me from my own demons and lead me to my fresh start.
Never thought I'd lose interest in the game but most of these girls bring shovels to my dying heart and they offer darkness to my lost soul, so I guess what I'm looking for might never be found.
Have you ever been in a phase where you just wanna be loved, chosen and poured into? No matter how much is going on in your head, you're obsessively chasing this idea of being loved, to the point where you don't even tell the difference between the one and just ordinary girls.
19 . "GOOD AT IT"
She said she didn't wanna be hurt, I said I'll be good to her, she said that she wanna call me "Babe", I told her that she makes me feel good but as time goes on, I'm starting to realize that she doesn't mean any of the things that she tells me, she's a deceiver and she's good at it.
She said that she's gonna call when she gets home, I waited until my phone shut down and everytime that she says she'll see me, I'm always left hanging. It's only now that I realize that she's a deceiver and she's so fucking good at it.
She tells me the sweetest lies, she sells me the most desired dreams, she makes empty promises and I was only trying to show her how real I can love somebody but she's just doing her thing. This is where I take my little love and walk away, she's not good for me, she keeps showing me and maybe it's time that I actually listen.
She said that she'll get back to me, I said I'll wait, she said that she has real feelings for me, I thought that we would be something real but time led me to realize that she's just a deceiver.
20. "DELUSIONAL"
I just wanna begin with accountability, I take the blame, this shit is all on me. I am the one who followed the girl in a dress and I am the one who gave my heart false hope that me and the pretty girl might actually become one after a while.
After illusions, there is reality, the signs started being more clearer but because I was too caught up in this need of love, I didn't even realize that I'm wasting my time with this girl. I was delusional for thinking that we would be kissing under the bright moon, I was delusional for thinking that she could be my girl and that I would be the one she loves wholeheartedly.
I don't know why I keep doing this shit to myself, I don't know which part of my being is so flawed that every pretty face makes me yearn for love, a relationship and a connection. I gotta take full responsibility for my illusions, this is the price that I pay for being delusional.
21. "TOO LATE"
( This Theodore speaking of himself in third person about the deceiving girl )
He was in a dark space when he caught a glimpse of her light, he followed her light with hope that she would make him a part of her, they were living totally different lives but his little heart led him to believe that they'd be good together.
He gave her all that he could, his attention, validation and communication. He gave her much more than she gave simply because she was the one he desired for the wishes of his heart, the universe showed him signs but he was stubborn to even listen.
He was a lost soul, he was vulnerable, broken weak, alone, miserable and depressed but the one thing that he kept chasing after is affection 'cause he's always believed that it could heal his damaged being.
Now that he is at a better space, he can live in solitude and when he sees her, all she gets from him is silence and a cold shoulder for all the times his efforts wouldn't good enough for her.