I woke up that morning with the usual weight on my chest—memories I couldn't erase and a reality I couldn't change. The uniform hanging neatly beside my bed reminded me of the discipline I wore like armor. Outside, the city buzzed with normalcy, but inside, everything still felt... off.
A message popped on my phone.
"Still alive, soldier?"– Rio
Rio.
My oldest friend. We'd known each other since elementary school—shared lunchboxes, dreams, and broken bones. He was the first to see me fall... and somehow, he's always the first to try and pull me back up. Unlike me, he took a different path. Now a civil servant, a PNS with stable hours and a calm life. Meanwhile, I'm in the heart of chaos, a Major in the military—trained to fight, built to endure.
We met up later that day. He brought two cups of bitter iced coffee and that annoying smirk he's never grown out of.
"Look at you, Mr. Mayor," he teased, using the rank like a joke.
"Look at you, Mr. Nine-to-Five," I shot back.
It felt good—for a second—to just be normal.
But the weight always returned.
We sat in the same warung we used to go to as teenagers, now older, wearier, but pretending we weren't. He started talking about a trip he wanted to take—something about mountains and silence.
"You need it," he said.
"I need peace, not a vacation."
"Maybe both," he muttered.
But peace... that word sounded foreign. For someone like me, who had spent years fighting not just enemies, but demons inside, peace wasn't a destination. It was a concept just out of reach.
I wanted to tell him everything.
How each medal felt like a lie.How each night blurred into the next.How even in a room full of people, I felt alone.
But I didn't.
Instead, I nodded. Laughed at a joke. Sipped the coffee. Pretended.
That night, I stood by the window of my apartment. The city lights blinked like stars too far to reach. I wondered what life could've been... if everything hadn't gone the way it did.
And maybe, just maybe... I could still find something worth holding on to.
"Sometimes, the people who look the strongest are fighting the battles no one sees."