I grabbed the book and sat down on my reading chair near the balcony. The warm sun light filtered in through the window creating the perfect atmosphere to read. Looking at the book that we bought together when we went to the library in the city center for our date made me reminisce the fond memory.
That day was also sunny, the weather was perfect. Your skin has always been so pale that you looked sickly. I remember thinking that you could really use some sun. It's so unhealthy to always laze around in the house. So I had dragged you out. You had protested against it symbolically before going along with my whim. The cute pouty face you made while grumbling things like ' but it's too sunny to go out' . I once suspected that you were a vampire and almost belived that you'd suddenly reveal your fangs...
As we walked into the library, I was struck by the sleek and minimalist design. The light-colored wood floor and ceiling created a sense of brightness and airiness, while the tall bookshelves lining the walls seemed to stretch up to the ceiling, filled with books of various colors and sizes. We wandered through the quiet aisles, you were running your fingers over the spines of the books, feeling the worn leather and embossed gold lettering. We were surrounded by the smell of books unique to the library. So many books and minimal number of people, almost made me feel like it was a world of two, just you and me... indulging in this thought I couldn't supress the warm and giddy feeling bubbling inside my chest. The way you held my hand even when looking for a suitable book to read made my heart race and I couldn't help the rising corner of my mouth, curving into a silly smile. I remember you turned to look at me to ask for my opinion, the warmth in your eyes as they looked into mine and the gentle smile on your lips made my heart melt..
But as he spoke, his voice seemed to fade away, leaving only the gentle movement of his lips. My mind struggled to reconnect the sound to the motion, but it was like watching a silent film. The kind of old black and white films in olden days which had no voice just subtitles, but in my case there aren't any. The image began to distort, like ripples on water, and I felt myself being pulled out of the memory.
I was back in my reading chair, the book still clutched in my hand. The warm sunlight streaming through the window now felt oppressive, a cruel reminder of the happiness I'd lost. The ache in my chest deepened, and I felt the weight of Noah's absence bearing down on me. For a moment, I let the grief consume me, the tears I'd been holding back streaming down my face.
There I sat on the chair facing the window, my tears rolling down my cheeks and falling onto the hard cover of my cherished book. The cold emptiness made it difficult for me to even breathe. I could care less about how much time has passed, whether I'm hungry or not. I have no energy to care about these things. All I could think of was ' where did he go?' and ' how could a person just disappear in thin air without leaving any trace of wether they ever existed?'. Also ....why am I not able to hear your voice anymore?.... No this can't go on.... I have to do something about it. The moment the tiniest thought of not being able to hear your voice again made me shudder with fear. I can't let that happen. So I forcefully wiped away my tears and a detemined spark flickered inside me. I need to find out where did you go.
I sat there for a while longer to pull my thoughts together, then I stood up to wash up my face.
After washing my face with cold water I felt much better so I decided to go to the kitchen and try to eat something. Although I decided that but I still couldn't force my self to eat more than two bites of my sandwich and could only just sit there and stare at it blankly as if it was all this poor sandwich 's fault for not being appetizing enough to make me eat it. It has been like this for a while now, I cannot bring myself yo eat anything properly. It's like my appetite also disappeared with you. But this won't do. I need some energy to go out.
I uave decided to go to our favourite spots and all the places where we have already been to , to look for any clue that I could find that would lead me to you. God know in what condition you'd be in now? I can't help but wonder if you have had enough food? Wether you are okay or not? I ....just wish to gind you back as soon as possible. Deranged as it may sound but I really cannot live without you.
After struggling with my breakfast in the end I still threw it in rhe dustbin and threw up whatever I had eaten of it in the bathroom.
Funny right who woud have thought that one could fall in love with someone to this extent... I also think this is funny. 'Such a big and cruel joke ' I thought as I laid down on my bed to catch up my breath and let the queasy and painfull feeling in my stomach to settle down before I could do anything else.
After an hour or so of this torturous feeling, I felt good enough to get up and get dressed so I could go out.
I decided to go to that store that he had gone to on the day of his disappearance. It was a store we had been to before quite a few times. On that day he had acted a little suspicious as if he was hiding something from me.