"Why are you awake?" The Scientist asked me, confused by my sudden awakening.
"Did you not see what was happening in the dream?" I asked.
"No, for some reason, the connection between me and the dream was severed."
So, he didn't see. Good. I won't tell him.
"Looks like you aren't that smart after all." I said mockingly.
"We all have setbacks. But they are only called setbacks for a reason. However, I would have thought you would be more saddened that you couldn't see the rest of the story unfold."
"Well..." I said, pausing for a second as I contemplated.
What was going to happen to them? What happened to Jolynn? I thought for a quick second before smiling.
"We all have setbacks. But they are only called setbacks for a reason." I said proudly.
For some reason, I had a feeling that behind the speaker, he was smiling straight at me. No matter how I feel about him, his experiments, his morals, and his ideas, I knew deep down that I had learnt a lot from him. In some sense, he was like my mentor. A terrible human without a doubt, but knowledge is something everyone is gifted with, and from all the people I met, he had the smartest mind.
"Well, as we are going through a couple setbacks, why don't we chat for a bit?" He proposed.
"About what?" I asked.
"Why did you choose philosophy out of everything to study?"
"Eh? That is a bit out of the blue." I said, caught off by the question. "Well...if I had to give an answer, I'd say I was born for it."
"Born for it?" He asked, puzzled.
"My mother always told me that I was smarter than the others. I had this knack to always question the most minor of things. Why is the big hand for minutes and the small hand for hours? Why is this grass like this and that grass like that? Why am I seeing this and not seeing something else? How do I know this? Why? Why? Why? Millions of questions over everything. My mother grew tired of them, which I wouldn't expect less, as I was always an annoying child. But she knew that I had this drive to question things. To question the way we live, how we act, our mannerisms, our thoughts, and everything. She knew that I was born for something great. Coming from my mouth, that sound a bit egotistical, however. But I chose philosophy because it gave me a space to let out everything. It gave me the freedom to question endlessly." I spoke.
"When I first started it, I felt awkward because all the simple things I questioned were taken to such a grand scale. How do we know God exists? What is knowledge? Are we truly here? Such big questions, I never really thought of much, but they were always lingering around in my head. Even though they still float about poking at my brain at random periods of my life. But when I learnt more, I understood that all these big questions allowed me to build onto my simple-minded problems that I had thought of. It felt refreshing. And so, I began to let out everything. All these constant ideas and questions began to flow out like a river. I couldn't stop. Before long, I ended up graduating, and now I take philosophy. Apart from a few other instances, discovering philosophy might be the greatest experience I have ever had." I continued.
"What a beautiful story. Truly, you must thank your mother a lot for this. But I must ask, where is your father in all of this? You haven't mentioned him once."
"Father is mostly at work. He works in the big city, so we only see him on after a couple of months every year. But even he was important for my success. My mother was a bit hesitant at first to allow me to leave out of the countryside for university, but my father instantly sided by me saying that it is an important stage of a women's life and that it must not be taken away from her. So, he paid for everything in advance and helped me a lot."
"How cute. Families really are one of a kind."
"What about your family? What were they like?"
Suddenly, a strange silence filled the room as a lingering sense of sadness floated in the air. For some odd reason, he didn't reply to me for a couple of seconds, as I could hear his breathing becoming disproportionate. But I sat and waited patiently for him to put himself together, curious for an answer.
"Well..." He finally said after what felt like ages. "I distinctly remember my mother's face. She had the most beautiful red eyes. Staring at them, it felt like you were being burnt continuously. Her desire and passion emanated from within her so immensely that everyone knew her as The Dreamer. Whenever people felt down, they would instantly rush to her for help, and just like magic, they would leave feeling like a brand-new person. Watching her, I felt inspired. She was amazing, and I wanted to become something like that. I wanted to know how she could perform such miracles. To turn a depressed person to the most enthusiastic creature alive was something godly. Day after day after day, my inspiration for her continued to grow. I wanted to imitate even a percentage of what she was capable of. Along the way, I realised that I wanted to help people. To be the reason for everyone's smiles. I wanted to feel the pleasure she felt. She was a beautiful woman. Silky red hair that fell down to her waist, her posture was picture perfect as was her mannerisms. She always spoke in a low, soothing tone that would put even a grown man to sleep. Perfection. That was her." He said eagerly.
"As scientists, we always steer away from the word perfect because we know nothing is perfect. Everything needs improvements. Everything has a hole missing. For something to come and not have a single flaw is something that rebels against our beliefs. We thrive on flaws. And we call imperfect beings perfect to satisfy our hunger for short periods of time. Famous actresses and actors have all come and go, being deemed perfect and flawless, but that is only because we, as the public, have allowed it. We wait for one slip up, one mistake to shower them with terrible words degrading and demoralising them because that is who we are. This random notion of perfection is a made-up concept that stems from our desire to experience something being perfect. It doesn't exist. Flaws are perfect. Nothing else can be more perfect than them. It humbles us and also makes us feel more in touch with society. We function on our flaws and the flaws of others. And every so often, we place a certain figurehead on a pedestal to be our new perfect God only for them to be thrown off every few years." He added.
"As I was saying, me and my mother and I lived in a large house. She was well known and had a vast amount of wealth, so we had no trouble in confining ourselves in luxuries. My father left when I was about five for another woman. I never understood that, for my mother was the most beautiful person ever. But he never came back. We were happy, though, just the two of us. I thought that our lives would continue like this. A peaceful, happy life. That was all I wanted." He said solemnly.
"So, what happened?" I asked, seeming a bit concerned.
"My father came back one night. It was unexpected, as he suddenly barged in somehow having a key. My mother was confused, as she shouted at him, asking what he was here for whilst holding me behind her. My father didn't reply as he walked over to the counter and opened the fridge to get some food." His voice had shifted to a much quitter tone.
"So, it seems like you have been enjoying yourself a bit too much." The Scientist said, imitating his father's deep voice.
"It was strange. He talked as if he had left for work and was now back in our house, making a sandwich nonchalantly. My mother walked up to him cautiously as she continued to question why he was here. I stayed back, making sure that I didn't get too close. I was just a child back then, so all I could do was stand and watch. As my mother made her way to him, he suddenly lunged at her and grabbed her hair. He screamed nonstop at her, saying things about how she is impressing other guys and acting so high and prideful and that she needs to learn her lesson. I could see tears coming from her eyes as she begged him to let her go and just leave us alone. But my father didn't listen. For some reason, I ran in between them, trying to push him away. In return, he gave me a slap and kicked me to the ground."
"Then, in front of my eyes, he grabbed a knife and stabbed my mother right in the stomach. Her cries for help. Her screams as he stabs her one after the other with no mercy. A monster. He stood over her body as she leaned against the wall, a line of blood splattered behind her following her body down to the floor. She was surrounded by a pool of blood. I could see her stare directly into my eyes as she smiled at her, her mouth filled with blood."
"My beautiful baby, you are amazing. Be kind. And never forget. I will always love you from the bottom of my heart."
"All that was left of that beautiful woman, the one who inspired many by her charms and kindness, lay dead in front of my very eyes. And I could do nothing about it but weep. My father walked towards the door leaving, but he stopped right before he left and told me one thing."
"This happened because she tried playing nice with everyone. Just wait till people find out. You will understand the truth. People are animals. And animals have no feelings. Live by that rule for your whole life. That is the law of the world."
"And then he left. Leaving me alone with my mother's lifeless corpse. The next day, I was sitting on a bench surrounded by five officers, all questioning me with answers. All I could think of was my mother and my father. They both shared two different perspectives of life. I knew that what my mother said was right, but deep down, I had some unusual feeling that what my father said was correct. After the officers had questioned me, I stared at my mother's lifeless body on the stretcher for a while. Why her? Why not me? What did she do to deserve this? I couldn't find an answer to any of them."
"Tears welled up in my eyes as I cried uncontrollably. Not long after, they wheeled her away into the back of an ambulance and towards the morgue. I stood there alone as I watched her drift off down the road, leaving me behind. I walked through the streets, trying to get my head into something else, but I couldn't. As I passed a few people, they gave me their condolences telling me how wonderful my mother was. But that was when I heard it."
"Whattt. She died?"
"Why are you surprised? It was going to happen sooner or later."
"Serves her right for acting like such a suck up."
"Haha, for real. Like, what does she think? Helping us a bit, and now we are best buds?"
"At least we have gotten rid of one vile woman."
"You know, I heard how she tempts men when they visit her."
"What really? I knew she was such a whore."
"Another reason she should have died."
"The father killed her. Isn't that crazy?"
"I guess he found out about the truth. So, she was just a whore at the end of the day."
"Keep your voice down her child is near."
"I couldn't believe it. These people that my mother had helped through such treacherous times were now pointing their fingers at her. She spent so much time in their service, and this is the respect that they give her. She deserves to die. How dare they. And then soon the pieces started to connect. I realised that Father was right. Humans are animals. And animals have no feelings. That is the law of this world. And I must abide by that law. For I am an animal myself. And I do not feel sadness nor sorrow for the suffering I put on others as is put on me. Hate me how much you want. This is our true nature. We all are heartless monsters masquerading as humans." His voice had no tone.
It was a flat, blunt voice and I could envision his expressionless face through the speaker. I couldn't reply to him. What he had to go through was something no one should have gone through. Such pain and trauma is devastating for anyone. For some reason, my hatred for him began to diminish. I felt connected with him as I had suffered something similar but not to the extent of him. We sat in silence for a few minutes recollecting our thoughts and reviewing the conversation we just had.
"But that was all in the past." He finally spoke returning to his usual demeanour. "I'm not one to focus on past events. All I do is take the teachings I have learnt and drill them into my mind. And what you see now, is the product of my past."
"But surely you must realise not everyone is heartless." I said sadly.
"Maybe. Maybe not. All we can go off is people's words. And people's words change as society changes. Until they are put in a certain situation, their true nature shall never be revealed. Until then, you should not trust anyone, my dear Jolynn."
Hearing him calling me dear with such affectionate made me feel immense happiness. I could not help but blush a bit as I covered my face into my legs.
"Y...You may not have faith in humanity. But I do." I said a little flustered. "I know not everyone is good, but the minority cannot be used to view the majority."
"Which is the minority, and which is the majority? Isn't that more important to establish? Do you really think that there are more good people than bad?"
"Yes. People are naturally good."
"Interesting. Well, I propose that people are naturally evil."
"How can you think so badly of humanity."
"Just because it is bad doesn't mean it is true. Do you really believe that people are good? In this nearly a hundred years we have had two wars that have shook the world. Millions have died and millions more continue to die. Every street in this country is filled with the homeless. Riots and protests continue to evolve leading to more chaos and damage. Where is the civility? No one is civil anymore. People destroy others just for morsels of bread and you believe that the world is naturally good. If people were naturally good, then the world could not do anything to take away that natural behaviour. No matter how corrupt it gets, or how dirty it gets, or whatever things it is taught, that goodness always remains. Yet it never does. Do you not see that?"
"I...I don't know." I said hanging my head in shame, speechless from what he had just said. "I don't really know much about people and their intentions but...but I believe in them. Even if no one else does, I do. I want to believe that they have some good in them. Even if it is just a fraction, I want to believe in that fraction. No matter what happens. No matter what the future looks like. I want to believe. I want hope in others. Maybe it is too optimistic. Maybe it is naïve. But I want to hold onto that hope. Because it drives me to do good. Knowing that there are others out there that are good makes me want to be better. I want to be an example for everyone. No matter what happens to you and no matter how much pain you go through, you do not have to change. You can still be a human. You can still be a good person. Maybe if you had thought of it that way, then we wouldn't be like this. I could have learnt from you. Been your disciple and you could have taught me so much about the world. We could have made so many improvements to this society together. I pity you. And even now, I shall still believe in the good that is left in you form your mother. Because that goodness will never die. Ever."
"You truly are an amazing person, Jolynn. I envy that. You see the world and its people much better than I do. I wish that I could have as well. But what I saw was the truth of humanity. Basing everything on hope isn't going to help you. One day, that same hope will destroy you." He said calmly.
"At least I hoped."
"Maybe. But I cannot afford possibilities. I am a scientist after all. It was fun talking to you. After everything is done, I hope that we will meet differently. And maybe you could really be my disciple. I would enjoy that very much. But until then, you are my prisoner. And you shall stay as my prisoner until we are finished. Until the next dream, my dear Jolynn. Goodbye."
I stayed in that same position with my head resting on my knees as I was curled up like a ball thinking of him. I thought of our conversation and everything that had happened so far. And I couldn't bring myself to hate him. Even after what he had done to me. I still could not. Maybe he might do something extreme after, but until he does, I could not hate him. Hearing him offer a position as his disciple made me smile. I couldn't control my happiness as I began to blush again. Trying to get rid of it, I lay down on my glass floor and closed my eyes, dozing off to sleep. My last thought was being my own captor.
Idiot.