[Make your choice.]
[1. Present Naruto's authentic, slightly used ninja boxers as a token of respect.]
[2. Tell Danzo you don't want to be his disciple but you do want to be his brother.]
[3. Dance the full "Euphoria Disco" in front of him and ask 'Do you like a disciple like this?]
Yuto stood there, silent. His mouth twitched like he'd just been hit with a static shock.
'Seriously? These are the options?'
He stared blankly at the air in front of him, where the three choices floated like cursed gacha pulls. No matter which one he picked, it felt like a one way ticket to social suicide.
Option one Sacrifice his dignity by pulling out a pair of Naruto themed, previously-worn underwear from his pocket. Sure, he didn't have them now but if he selected it, he knew the system would make one appear. That's how it always worked.
Reliable in the worst way possible.
Weirdly thoughtful when it came to ruining his life.
And Naruto's used boxers?! No thank you. Just imagining it made Yuto, a proud semi germaphobe, want to cry. And the idea of holding them? Nope. Pass.
Option two? Equally cursed. It was just words, yes, but they crossed the emotional cringe threshold so hard, there was no going back. Some things couldn't be said out loud, even as a joke. That line was buried six feet under the Earth.
Option three... wasn't any better. "Euphoria Disco" sounded suspiciously like something that belonged in a nightclub or an exorcism. Either way, it couldn't be good.
But, when comparing stomach churning shame levels, dancing might be the least humiliating. Maybe.
Taking a deep breath. Yuto pressed the third option.
Thunk
Loud, energetic music erupted in his head without warning like a flash mob had set up shop in his brain.
Across from him, Danzo stared, confusion etched deep into his weathered face.
Yuto slowly raised his arms, then started doing these tiny little shimmies, like a microwave burrito trying to dance. His palms slid awkwardly down his thighs, then up his chest like he was in a cheesy music video from the early 2000s.
"HayashiYuto," Danzo asked, voice dark and suspicious, "what... exactly are you doing?"
He didn't respond.
Because his feet had started moving.
His body began to spin slightly, hands gripping his waistband with a flair that screamed accidental male lead in a rom com striptease. His hips… were really committing to the beat.
Now the Root guards' stoic ninja trained to ignore almost anything were watching.
Intently. One even dropped his kunai.
A teenage boy was dancing the Euphoria Disco in front of the Root Commander like it was open mic night at Konoha's Got Talent.
Danzo's eye twitched. "You little punk, cut it out!" he finally exploded.
This was too much. As an old school shinobi, Danzo could tolerate war, espionage, and even betrayal. But interpretive dance? In broad daylight? In front of his men? From a teenager?
Nope. Nope.
Then Yuto, now fully embracing the role of embarrassment incarnate, leapt into the air, pulled off a shaky but committed backflip, and landed in a deep, dramatic split.
With one hand raised and a faint smile on his lips, he looked up at Danzo and said "Lord Danzo… how do you like this disciple?"
Silence. Not a single breath.
Danzo's face twitched like his mustache was trying to resign.
After a very long pause, he turned around silently, cane in hand, and left. No words. No goodbye.
Turns out, he'd only wanted a disciple for appearances to outshine Hiruzen Sarutobi. But this one?
This one might accidentally make headlines.
Or kill him with stress.
Hard pass.
Yuto dusted off his pants and stood up, deadpan. "Well. Guess that's the end of my journey to becoming Elder Danzo's beloved student."
"Are you embarrassed?" came Kushina's voice, casual and amused.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Yuto tried to play it cool, even striking a stoic pose.
"You know, pretending you don't care while your soul is shriveling up like a raisin? That's kind of embarrassing."
"Shut up. Don't call it out like that." The emotional damage was immediate.
Sure, Danzo saw him as a lunatic, but he knew he was a functional human being! Mostly. He didn't want to dance! The system had made him do it!
If Kushina had just kept quiet, maybe he could've suppressed the trauma.
But no. She had to say it out loud.
"I mean, I was trying to compliment you," Kushina added innocently.
Yuto raised an eyebrow. "Compliment?"
"Yeah. You've got good hip movement. Very… seductive. I think if you ever apply to a night club, you'd get top billing."
"EXCUSE ME?!"
Yuto turned purple. Why did he even ask?
Who says something like that to a teenager?!
Was it just him, or had Kushina gotten way more unfiltered lately?
Wait… was he the one who taught her that?
…Oh. Yeah. That tracks.
[Mission Complete]
[Congratulations! You've received the Sosuke Aizen (Hueco Mundo Version) Character Card]
The system alert blinked across his vision.
Yuto froze. "No freaking way, yes!!"
"What happened?" Kushina tilted her head. "Another curse? What is it this time? Running around the village naked with 'I ♥ Kakashi' painted on your chest?"
"Nope. We're winning, baby!" Yuto said, holding up the shining card like it was a golden ticket. "Humiliation was temporary. This payoff is eternal!. I'm going to be Invincible."
[This character card can be used immediately.]
[Gain full access to Sosuke Aizen's power, memories, knowledge, and science tech. Bonus items included.]
"Invincible?" Kushina blinked.
She felt it before she saw it when Yuto slapped the card to his chest, a wave of strange energy surged through both their spiritual spaces.
As a soul linked to Yuto, Kushina got hit with the upgrade too.
It was like being hit by a tsunami of caffeine and starlight.
When the flood finally stopped, Kushina realized her spiritual domain had transformed from a shoebox apartment into a glowing pocket dimension, complete with floating energy and enough space to host a small mountain.
She blinked and wiggled her fingers.
Energy rippled. With a small motion, a white dress wrapped around her like magic.
"Yuto, seriously what did you do?" she asked, poking her head out of her spirit orb.
"That dress suits you, milady," Yuto replied with a calm smile.
"Ugh! That tone again!" Kushina flinched. "You sound like a soap opera villain! I hate it!"
"You'll get used to it, my lady," Yuto replied, totally straight faced. "From now on we fear nothing."
"Okay, no. Hit the brakes." Kushina waved her hands. "Where's your dead-fish face? You look confident now. What did you even get? And where are you going now?"
"Me?" Yuto blinked. "Just to the optician."
"…What?"
"I feel like my face is missing something. Gonna go buy some glasses."