California - Friday Morning
I woke up before my alarm again, nerves keeping me from sleeping. Today was the day Maya and Tayanna were flying out to California. Finally going to meet my goddaughter face to face.
The past two days since first team practice had been good. Coach Rivera was implementing more two-receiver concepts, and Tyler and I were starting to build some real chemistry. Still wasn't friendship - dude made it clear this was business - but we were making each other better on the field.
I checked my phone. 6:47 AM. Maya's flight didn't land until 2 PM, but I was already anxious as hell.
Better Men
Dre: ngl I might start sliding in girls dms with I love you
Rico: get a grip
Marcus: nah the birds will love it trust
Dre: see Marcus gets it
Rico: y'all both idiots. that's why you never work on that shot
Dre: my shot is wet don't play with me
Marcus: your shot is ass and you know it
Me: y'all dumb as hell. Maya and the baby flying out today
Rico: oh shit fr? you ready to meet baby girl?
Me: nervous as fuck. what if I drop her or some shit?
Marcus: bro you're overthinking it. babies can sense love and you got plenty of that for her
Dre: just got done with my morning workout. feeling good about this comeback
Rico: look at you being responsible
Me: proud of you man. and scared but excited. this is Tay's daughter
Rico: she's gonna love her godfather. trust
Marcus: take pictures of everything
Me: definitely will
After breakfast with Cameron, I tried to focus on classes but my mind kept drifting. In English, Mrs. Henderson was talking about character development in literature, but all I could think about was holding a three-month-old baby for the first time.
"Mr. Williams, what do you think drives character growth in the stories we've been reading?"
I snapped back to attention. "Um... I think it's usually some kind of challenge or loss that forces them to become different than they were before."
"Excellent. And how does that relate to your own experiences?"
That hit different. Three months ago, losing Tayshawn had forced me to become someone I never thought I'd have to be. A godfather. Someone responsible for another person's life.
"Sometimes losing someone important makes you realize you got to step up in ways you never expected."
Mrs. Henderson smiled. "That's very mature insight, Jakari."
By 1:30 PM, I was pacing around my dorm room like a caged animal. Cameron was at lunch with some friends, and I was alone with my thoughts.
My phone rang. Maya.
"Hey, we just landed. This little girl slept through the whole damn flight like it was nothing."
"How's she doing? How are you doing?"
"We're both good. Tired as hell, but good. Your grandparents are here looking all fancy with their driver and shit. We should be at the campus in about an hour."
My heart started beating faster. "Alright. I'll be waiting."
"Jakari?"
"Yeah?"
"She's beautiful. And she looks just like that fool when she smiles. It's crazy how much she looks like him."
My throat got tight. "I can't wait to meet her."
"She can't wait to meet her godfather either. Even if she doesn't know it yet."
After we hung up, I sat on my bed staring at the ultrasound picture I'd kept since I got to California. In a few minutes, that little person in the picture would be real, in my arms.
I thought about Tayshawn and how excited he'd been when Maya first told him she was pregnant. How he'd talked about teaching his daughter basketball, taking her to Bulls games, making sure she knew she was loved and protected.
Now that was my job. Fuck.
At 2:45, I got a text from Grandma Janet: We're in the parking lot by your dorm.
I damn near ran downstairs, taking the steps two at a time.
The black SUV was parked right outside. I could see Grandma Janet in the front passenger seat, Grandpa William driving. In the back, Maya was holding a car seat.
When I opened the door, Maya looked up at me with this huge smile.
"There's my big brother," she said, and I could see her eyes getting watery.
I looked down at the car seat and my breath caught in my throat.
Tayanna was tiny. Way smaller than I'd expected, but perfect. She was awake, these big dark eyes looking around, taking everything in. She had Tayshawn's eyes for sure, but Maya's nose and mouth.
"Oh shit," I whispered. "She's so fucking little."
"Language," Grandma Janet said automatically, but she was smiling.
"Sorry, but damn... she's tiny."
"You want to hold her?" Maya asked.
"Hell yeah. But I don't know how."
"It's okay, dummy. I'll show you."
Maya carefully lifted Tayanna out of the car seat. The baby made a small sound but didn't cry.
"Support her head with your left hand," Maya instructed, guiding my arms like she was teaching a little kid. "Put your right arm under her body like this. Don't be scared, she won't break."
Slowly, Maya transferred Tayanna into my arms.
The weight was different than I'd expected. She was light but solid, warm and real. When I looked down at her face, she was staring right at me with those big eyes.
"Hey there, beautiful," I said quietly. "I'm your godfather. I'm the one who's gonna spoil you rotten and teach you how to catch footballs."
At the sound of my voice, Tayanna's mouth curved into what looked like a smile.
"Look at that!" Maya said, getting emotional. "She likes you already."
"She's perfect," I managed to say, feeling my own eyes getting wet. "She's absolutely fucking perfect."
"Watch your mouth around my baby," Maya said, but she was laughing and crying at the same time.
Grandma Janet was crying too. "She's beautiful, Maya. Just beautiful."
"Thank you for flying us out here," Maya said, wiping her eyes. "This crazy expensive shit... you didn't have to do all this."
"Family takes care of family," Grandpa William said firmly. "Always."
I stood there holding Tayanna for a few more minutes, just watching her breathe, watching her look around. This was Tayshawn's daughter. This was the little girl I'd promised to protect and provide for.
"Yo, we should get you settled in," I said finally. "You must be tired as hell from the flight."
"A little. But seeing you hold her... man, Tay would've loved this."
Grandma Janet had booked Maya and Tayanna a suite at a hotel near campus. The room was crazy nice - ocean view, separate bedroom, everything they could need.
"This is too much," Maya said, looking around with wide eyes. "I could've stayed at a damn Motel 6."
"Nonsense," Grandma Janet said. "You're family now. Plus, I want Tayanna to be comfortable."
While Maya got settled and fed Tayanna, I sat in the chair by the window, still trying to process everything.
"How you really doing?" Maya asked, looking over at me while burping the baby.
"I don't know. It's just... she's real now, you know? Like, she's actually here and I'm responsible for this whole person."
"I know exactly what you mean. When they first put her in my arms at the hospital, I was like 'what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?' But you figure it out."
"You doing good though? For real? Not just putting on a brave face?"
Maya was quiet for a moment, adjusting Tayanna's blanket.
"Some days are harder than others. When she smiles like he used to, or when she's crying at 3 AM and I know he would've known exactly how to calm her down. But mostly, I'm just grateful. Grateful she's healthy, grateful she's here, grateful she's a piece of him that I get to keep."
"I wish that fool could see her."
"He can," Maya said simply. "I know he can. And I know he's proud of what you're doing out here. Probably talking shit to the angels about how his boy is about to go pro."
"Don't jinx it."
"I'm not jinxing nothing. I'm stating facts. You always been different, Jakari. Even when we were kids, Tay used to say you were gonna be the one to make it out."
We spent the rest of the afternoon just talking and getting comfortable with each other. Maya told me about Tayanna's routines, what she liked and didn't like, how she was developing.
"She's been sleeping through the night for about two weeks now," Maya said. "And she loves music. Especially when I play that playlist Tay made for her."
"He made a playlist?"
"Soon as we found out she was a girl. Called it 'Daddy's Little Princess.' All clean versions of his favorite songs, plus some lullabies and gospel music his mom suggested."
When Tayanna got fussy, Maya showed me how to hold her against my chest, how to rock her gently until she calmed down.
"Like this, see? She likes when you talk to her too. Don't be shy."
"Hey there, baby girl," I said softly, bouncing her gently. "Your daddy was my best friend, you know that? He was crazy about you before you even got here."
The first time I got her to stop crying, I felt like I'd won the lottery.
"Natural godfather instincts," Maya said with a grin. "Look at you getting all soft."
"Shut up."
Around 6 PM, Cameron knocked on the hotel room door. I'd invited him to meet Maya and Tayanna, and he'd been excited about it all week.
"Is this the famous goddaughter?" he asked when I introduced him.
"This is Tayanna," I said, holding her carefully. "And this is Maya, who's basically my annoying little sister."
"I'm older than you, jackass," Maya shot back.
"By like three months."
"Still older," she said, sticking her tongue out at me.
Cameron laughed. "I can see the family resemblance. You guys bicker just like siblings."
"She's beautiful though," Cameron said, looking at the baby. "Looks just like you, Jakari."
"Actually, she looks like her daddy," Maya corrected. "Tayshawn was Jakari's best friend who passed away."
Cameron's expression shifted as he understood. "I'm sorry for your loss."
"Thank you. But she's keeping his spirit alive. And this fool's gonna make sure she never wants for anything."
We ordered room service for dinner - nothing fancy, just burgers and fries. But sitting there with Maya, Tayanna, and Cameron felt like family. Felt right.
"So Maya," Cameron said between bites, "what's it like watching Jakari from Chicago? He tell you about what's happening out here?"
"He tells me some shit," Maya laughed. "But I know this boy ain't telling me everything. He never does."
"Like what?" I asked.
"Like how you're really feeling about being around all these rich-ass kids. Like if you're making real friends or just going through the motions. Like if you're staying yourself or trying to be somebody else."
Maya always could see right through my bullshit.
"I'm staying me," I said. "But I'm also learning. These kids got advantages I never had, but they don't got heart like we do."
"Good. Don't let them change who you are, but don't be too proud to learn from them either. You always been stubborn as hell."
"I ain't stubborn."
"Boy, please. You still mad about that time I beat you in 2K when we were fifteen."
"That was a fluke and you know it."
Cameron was cracking up watching us go back and forth.
After dinner, Maya gave Tayanna a bath in the hotel bathroom sink. Watching her be so gentle and careful with the baby, talking to her the whole time, I could see what an amazing mother she was becoming.
"You're really good at this," I told her.
"I had to learn fast. Wasn't like I had a choice."
"You could've stayed with your family instead of getting your own place."
"Nah. They mean well, but they still see me as a kid who fucked up. Doing it on my own, with Tay's mom helping sometimes, I'm proving I can handle my shit."
After Tayanna was clean and in fresh clothes, Maya let me hold her again while she fell asleep. The baby's eyes got heavy, then closed, her breathing becoming deep and even.
"She trusts you," Maya whispered. "Look how comfortable she is."
It was true. Tayanna was completely relaxed in my arms, like she knew she was safe.
"I love her already," I said quietly.
"I know you do. That's all Tay would've wanted - for her to be loved and protected."
Around 9 PM, Cameron headed back to the dorm and Maya started getting ready to put Tayanna down for the night.
"Tomorrow I want to see your campus," she said. "And I want to meet some of your teammates. I need to make sure these boys are treating you right."
"Maya, you don't have to worry about that shit."
"Yes, I do. That's what family does - we look out for each other. Plus, I want to see if any of these California girls are good enough for my brother."
"Don't start that shit."
"I'm just saying. You need someone who's gonna keep you grounded, not some prissy girl who's never seen real life."
As I was getting ready to leave, Maya grabbed my arm.
"Jakari, I need you to know something. What you're doing out here, working your ass off, trying to make something of yourself - that's exactly what Tay wanted for you. He used to say you were gonna be the one to make it out and change everything."
"I'm trying."
"You're not trying. You're doing it. And when this little girl gets old enough to understand, I'm gonna tell her how her godfather moved across the country to chase his dreams so he could take care of her."
I hugged Maya carefully, mindful of the sleeping baby.
"Thank you for bringing her here. For letting me be part of this."
"Thank you for being the man Tay knew you'd become. Even if you are still a pain in the ass."
"Love you too, sis."
Walking back to the dorm, I felt different. Heavier with responsibility, but also more focused. Holding Tayanna had made everything real in a way it hadn't been before.
This wasn't just about football anymore. It was about building a life that could support and protect a little girl who depended on me.
Back in my room, I looked at the picture on my nightstand - me, Tayshawn, Rico, and Marcus after winning the city championship sophomore year.
I pulled out my phone.
Better Men
Me: just spent the evening with tayanna. she's perfect. looks just like that fool when she smiles
Rico: how you feeling?
Me: like I understand what I'm really working for now. this ain't just about me anymore
Marcus: that's beautiful bro. tay would be so proud
Dre: we all working for something bigger than ourselves now
Rico: facts. give that baby girl a kiss for all of us
Marcus: send pictures tomorrow when you show maya around
Dre: and don't let maya embarrass you in front of your teammates
Me: she's definitely gonna embarrass me
Rico: ๐๐๐
I set my phone down and looked out the window at the California coast. Tomorrow I'd show Maya around campus, introduce her to my teammates, let her see the life I was building.
But tonight, I just wanted to remember the feeling of holding Tayshawn's daughter. The weight of her in my arms. The responsibility and the love that came with being her godfather.