Win stood at the stove, stirring the pad thai with more focus than the simple dish required, steam rising around his face as the familiar sounds of cooking filled the apartment kitchen. A week had passed since classes began, and he'd fallen into a routine he hadn't expected—morning lectures, lunch with Tawan in quiet corners of the campus café, study sessions in the library where Tawan's easy presence made even corporate law feel manageable. It should have been peaceful. It would have been, if not for the constant awareness of dark eyes tracking his movements across campus, the way Ratch seemed to appear wherever Win went like a shadow he couldn't shake.
"Smells amazing in here," Parin said, emerging from his room in an oversized graphic tee and basketball shorts, hair still damp from his shower. He paused, taking in the scene—Win at the stove, the properly set table, the domestic atmosphere. "Wait, are you actually cooking? Like, with fire and ingredients?"
Win shot him a look over his shoulder. "Very funny."
"No, I'm serious," Parin grinned, moving closer to peer at the pan. "I didn't even know you knew how to turn on the stove."
"I watched YouTube videos," Win admitted, stirring the pad thai with careful concentration. "I hope it tastes as good as it smells since this is literally my first time cooking anything more complicated than instant noodles."
"Pat's going to be so impressed," Parin teased. "Our little brother, turning into a proper Thai housewife."
"Shut up," Win said, but he was smiling despite his nerves about both the cooking and the conversation he planned to have.
Parin raised an eyebrow at the formal setting—Win had set the dining table properly, even put out cloth napkins their mother had insisted they take from home. "I have to take a picture of you cooking and this table setting. Mom would never believe me without proof."
Win's hand tightened on the wooden spoon. "You wouldn't dare."
"Watch me," Parin grinned, pulling out his phone and starting to snap pictures as he moved toward the kitchen. "Smile! Show Mom what her son is made of."
Win couldn't help but pose for the pictures, laughing despite himself. "Send those to me too, or tag me when you post them."
"Deal," Parin said, still taking photos. "Let me call Sea. He'd love this and he'd kill me if he wasn't invited."
"That's a great idea," Win said, genuinely pleased. "I made plenty of food."
There was something in his voice, a careful casualness that immediately put Parin on alert. His twin had been different this past week—calmer on the surface but with an underlying tension that seemed to vibrate through everything he did. Parin had noticed the way Win checked his phone obsessively, the way his gaze would sweep across crowded spaces like he was looking for someone, how he'd become even more restless lately, unable to sit still for long.
Parin called Sea while Win finished cooking, and soon the doorbell rang. Win looked out and said, "Here's Pat and Sea."
Pat arrived with his usual energy, a bottle of wine tucked under his arm, while Sea brought dessert and immediately started teasing Win about finally learning to cook. The apartment filled with easy laughter as they ate, Pat regaling them with impressions of their more eccentric instructors, Parin and Sea adding their own observations about the business program's intensity.
For a while, Win let himself sink into the normalcy of it—good food, better company, the kind of uncomplicated friendship he'd been craving. Pat's humor balanced Parin's more serious nature, while Sea bridged the gap between them with his easy wit, and Win felt grateful for this pocket of peace in what had become an increasingly complicated week.
"So," Pat said as they cleared the dishes, "how's your peer mentor situation going? Tawan, right? He seems nice."
Win's hands stilled on the plates he was stacking. "He is nice. Really nice."
"But?" Parin prompted, catching the hesitation in his twin's voice.
Win set the plates down, his heart starting to race the way it did whenever he thought about the growing complexity of his situation. "Can we sit down? I need to tell you guys something."
They moved to the living room, Pat and Sea settling on the sofa while Parin took the armchair. Win remained standing, too restless to sit. He extended his wrist, showing them the red string bracelet with its small silver lantern charm.
"Tawan gave me this yesterday," Win said quietly. "After our study session. He said it was for good luck, that he wanted me to have something to remember him by."
Pat whistled low. "That's sweet. And meaningful."
"That's the problem," Win said, sinking into the chair across from them. "I couldn't figure out how to say no without hurting his feelings. He was so genuine about it, so hopeful. But wearing it feels like lying."
Parin leaned forward, studying his brother's face. "Lying about what?"
Win's throat felt tight. "About what I want. About who I want."
The admission hung in the air between them, heavier than Win had expected. Pat, Sea, and Parin exchanged looks, some silent communication passing between them.
"Win," Pat said gently, "what's really going on? Because I've been watching you this week, and you looked like someone that had a lot on his mind but I felt like you'd tell me when you were ready so I didn't push. Is it about that guy?"
Parin looked between them, confused. "What guy?"
Win took a shaky breath. "Yes, it's about him. But it's complicated because there's also Tawan. I like Tawan. I really do. He's kind and patient and he makes me feel... safe. Uncomplicated. When I'm with him, I don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing or being too much or not enough."
"But?" Parin pressed, because there was clearly a but coming.
"But I'm in love with someone else," Win whispered, the words feeling like they were being torn from his chest. "I never stopped being in love with him, no matter how much I tried to convince myself I could move on."
Pat's eyes widened with understanding. "The guy from orientation. The one who looked like he wanted to eat you alive."
"What guy?" Parin asked again, clearly frustrated at being left out. "Can someone please explain what's going on? Who is this person you're talking about?"
Sea leaned forward, equally curious. "Yeah, Win. We need the whole story."
Win nodded miserably. "His name is Ratch. We have history. Complicated, messy, devastating history. And he's been... he's everywhere, Pat. Everywhere I go, he's there. Watching me with Tawan, and if he sees me wearing this bracelet I'm not sure how he will react."
"So are you choosing Tawan over him?" Parin asked quietly.
"I don't know!" Win's voice cracked with frustration. "I don't know how to choose between someone who makes me feel safe and someone who makes me feel like I'm dying and coming alive at the same time. Tawan is everything I should want—he's stable and kind and he actually likes me for who I am. But Ratch..."
He trailed off, unable to find words for what Ratch was to him.
"But you love him," Pat said simply.
Win closed his eyes. "Yes. God help me, yes. I love him so much it physically hurts. Even after everything that happened between us, even knowing that being with him might destroy me, I love him."
Pat leaned back against the sofa, processing this confession. "Seems to me you already made your choice, Win. You're just too scared to admit it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you can like Tawan all you want, but you're never going to be able to give him your whole heart because someone else already owns it." Pat's voice was gentle but firm. "And that's not fair to either of you."
Parin leaned forward, his expression serious. "I want to know what happened between you two. Start talking. Now."
Win looked at his brother's determined face and realized there was no getting out of this. "It's a long story."
"We have time," Sea said quietly, settling back into the sofa.
Win took a shaky breath. "We met this summer. At a bar. I was upset over one of our family dinners, and he... he saw me. Really saw me. We spent three months together, and it was the most intense, beautiful, terrifying thing I'd ever experienced." His voice grew quieter. "I was supposed to go to Cambridge. Had a full scholarship, plane ticket, everything planned. But I fell in love with him, and when it came time to leave..." Win's voice broke slightly. "I told him about Cambridge two weeks before I was supposed to leave. He thought I'd been planning to abandon him all along, that our whole summer meant nothing to me."
"So that's the reason you didn't go," Parin said, his voice soft with understanding. "I knew something was wrong. I saw you going from happy to... I can't explain it. You were there but you weren't, like a shell of a person. I should have listened to myself, came and talked with you, but we weren't that close and I didn't know how to be the brother you needed. But I do now."
Win felt tears prick at his eyes. "Parin..."
"Finish the story," Parin said gently. "What did you do?"
"At first, I chose to let him go. I tried to talk to him but he was not hearing it and he told me to leave. So I did. I went home, devastated, with my plane ticket in my hands. I was going to go through with Cambridge, just give up on us." Win's voice grew quieter. "Ning found me that night, sitting at the dining table, staring at the ticket. I told her everything - about him, about Cambridge, about how I'd ruined the best thing in my life. Well, not in those words, but she understood what was going on. She made me realize that I had a choice to make. She said I could run away to Cambridge like I always did when things got hard, or I could stay and fight for what I wanted." Win's eyes filled with tears. "So I tore up the ticket. I chose him. I chose to stay. But when I tried to tell him, when I called and texted for weeks... nothing. He ignored every call, every message. I thought he hated me. I thought I'd destroyed everything for nothing."
Sea leaned forward, his usual playful demeanor replaced by genuine concern. "This Ratch guy—is he the reason you've been so on edge? The reason you keep checking your phone and looking over your shoulder?" Sea asked, now that he understood what he'd been seeing whenever he ran into Win on campus.
Win nodded reluctantly. "He's been... persistent. He shows up wherever I am, sends messages. Recently he figured out something about me that I thought was private, and he used it to corner me in the library."
Parin's expression darkened, and Sea's jaw tightened. "He cornered you? Win, that's not persistence, that's stalking," Parin said firmly.
"It's not like that," Win said quickly, though even as he said it, he wasn't sure he believed it. "He just... he wants to talk. He wants us to work things out."
"And do you want that?" Pat asked. "Honestly?"
Win was quiet for a long moment, fidgeting with Tawan's bracelet. "I don't know if I'm brave enough for what that would mean. Being with Ratch isn't simple or easy. It's intense and consuming and sometimes I feel like I lose myself in it. But when I'm with him, I feel more like myself than I ever have with anyone else."
"That sounds like love to me," Sea said softly, and Parin nodded in agreement.
"It sounds terrifying," Win replied.
"Love usually is," Pat agreed. "But Win, you can't keep stringing Tawan along while you figure out whether you're brave enough to go after what you really want. That's not fair to him, and it's not fair to you either."
Sea nodded, his expression serious. "Pat's right. You're torturing yourself and potentially hurting Tawan in the process."
Win looked down at the bracelet, the silver charm catching the light. "I know. I just... I don't know how to hurt someone who's been nothing but good to me. Tawan doesn't deserve to be someone's second choice."
"Then don't make him one," Parin said firmly. "Make a decision. If you love this Ratch guy as much as you say you do, then stop running from it. But if you're going to choose safety with Tawan, then really choose it. Stop looking over your shoulder for someone else."
"And if I choose Ratch and it all falls apart again?"
"Then at least you'll know you tried," Pat said. "At least you'll know you chose love over fear, even if it doesn't work out."
Win felt tears prick at his eyes. "When did you three get so wise?"
"We've been watching our best friend and brother tear himself apart for weeks," Parin said, reaching over to squeeze Win's shoulder. "Someone was going to say something to you eventually."
Sea added quietly, "You deserve to be happy, Win. Really happy. Not just safe."
"I'm scared," Win admitted quietly.
"I know," Parin said. "But I also know you're stronger than you think you are. And whatever you decide, we've got your back."
Pat nodded in agreement, and Sea reached over to squeeze Win's other hand. "Always. But Win? You can't keep living in limbo. It's eating you alive."
Win looked at his three favorite people, seeing nothing but love and support in their faces, and felt something settle in his chest. They were right. He had already made his choice—he'd made it the moment he'd torn up that Cambridge ticket, the moment he'd written that first desperate chapter of "Summer's End," the moment his heart had stuttered when he'd seen Ratch across the campus quad.
Now he just had to be brave enough to act on it.
"I should probably give this back to Tawan," Win said quietly, touching the bracelet.
"Probably," Pat agreed. "But gently. He seems like a good guy."
"He is. That's what makes this so hard."
Parin was studying Win's face with intensity. "This Ratch guy—I want to meet him."
Win's eyes widened. "Parin, no. You don't understand what you're saying."
"I understand that someone's been making my brother miserable, and I want to see for myself what kind of person he is." Parin's voice reminded Win of how it used to be between them, when Parin would square off against playground bullies twice his size. "If you're going to choose him, I need to know he's worth it."
"That's not necessary—"
"It is to me," Parin said firmly. "You're my brother, Win. I'm not going to stand by and watch someone hurt you, no matter how much you think you love them."
Pat grinned, and Sea chuckled. "I like protective Parin. He's terrifying."
"I'm serious," Parin continued, ignoring Pat's teasing. "If this guy wants you back, he's going to have to prove he deserves you. And if he can't handle that, then he's not worth your time."
Win felt a warmth spread through his chest that had nothing to do with the wine they'd shared over dinner. For the first time in years, he felt like he had his brother back—not just the polite stranger they'd become, but the fierce protector who'd always had Win's back when they were kids.
"Thank you," Win said softly. "All of you. I don't know what I would have done without this conversation."
"You would have figured it out eventually," Pat said with characteristic confidence. "But maybe now you can stop torturing yourself and actually do something about it."
As they said their goodbyes and Pat and Sea headed home, Win felt lighter than he had in weeks. The choice was still terrifying, the conversation with Tawan would still be painful, and whatever came next with Ratch would still be complicated and intense and potentially devastating.
But for the first time since he'd stepped onto campus, Win felt like he wasn't facing it alone.
His phone buzzed as he was getting ready for bed, and Win's heart stuttered when he saw Ratch's name on the screen.
I know this week has been difficult for both of us. I just want you to know that whatever you decide, Win, I hope you choose happiness. You deserve to be happy.
Win stared at the message, his thumb hovering over the keyboard. For once, there was no demand in Ratch's words, no possessive claim or territorial challenge. Just a simple wish for Win's happiness, even if it didn't include him.
Maybe, Win thought as he finally typed back, that was exactly what love looked like.
Thank you. That means more than you know.
As he drifted off to sleep that night, Win's dreams were filled not with anxiety and confusion, but with the memory of his brother's protective voice and his best friend's gentle wisdom. Tomorrow would bring difficult conversations and harder choices, but tonight, Win felt like he finally knew which direction his heart was pointing.
And for the first time in weeks, that felt like enough.