The dark bank—a last resort for students desperate for cash when their accounts are frozen.
And there, in that den of shady dealings, was Problem Solver 68.
"Sorry for the wait, esteemed customer," a cybernetic banker said smoothly.
"Sorry for the wait? I waited six hours!" Aru Rikuhachima bellowed. "Why does a loan approval take half a day when there's no one else here!?"
Her patience and sanity had been chipped away by the endless wait. Meanwhile, her crew—Mutsuki, Kayoko, and Haruka—were slumped on a sofa, knocked out from boredom.
"Our internal processes require time. Please understand," the banker replied coolly. "And, may I ask, are you in a position to take such a tone? You came here needing our help, did you not? Patience is key. Also…"
Snap! The banker flicked their fingers, and hired goons—not the Kata-Kata Helmet Gang, mind you—roused the sleeping Problem Solver crew.
"Oi, wake up. We've got a job to do," a goon barked.
"Wha—!?" Mutsuki jolted. "What's happening!?"
"Nnh… what…?" Kayoko mumbled, groggy.
"S-Sorry for dozing off!" Haruka squeaked, bowing frantically.
"Huh, they woke up quick," a goon muttered. "Usually they're lazier."
The banker's electronic eyes narrowed into a mocking smile. "Sleeping here is inconvenient. Please stay awake and listen."
"…" Aru glared silently.
"Now, let's review," the banker continued, scanning documents. "Aru Rikuhachima, second-year at Gehenna Academy, president of Problem Solver 68. Your company seems… a paper entity? Your finances are in shambles."
"Hey, we earn plenty!" Aru snapped. "We just haven't collected on this job yet!"
"And four employees? Why inflate titles for a mere play-pretend business? Your office rent is absurdly high for your means. Find something affordable. Oh, and you caused a ruckus in the Black Market before, didn't you? Market Guard records confirm it. Given all this, we cannot approve your loan. Please leave."
"What!?" Aru sputtered. "Wait! Isn't the dark bank supposed to lend to anyone!?"
"No," the banker said. "We lend when profit is assured. Our broader recovery methods allow leniency, but that's it. We investigated Problem Solver 68 during these six hours. Perhaps start with stable work—day labor, factory jobs?"
Aru's shoulders trembled. She knew she was being mocked. Fury surged, but a voice echoed in her mind: "Aru-chan's got a kind heart deep down."
(Mash's words, of all things… Am I not cut out to be an outlaw? If I lash out, the Market Guard will swarm us. The four of us might manage, but what if we don't? The Black Market's reach is unknown. If word spreads we caused trouble here, we'll never get another job. Pathetic, Aru Rikuhachima. You're not free at all.)
She glanced at her team. Their expressions said, "We follow you, President."
(The fearless, unbound outlaw I want to be… loyal to my crew, hard-boiled… I want it so bad…)
Aru sank, crushed between her ideals and reality. (I'll never be like Mash, facing any foe head-on…)
Mutsuki opened her mouth to speak, but then—
CRASH!
The bank's wall—not the door, the wall—exploded inward. All eyes turned to the figure standing there.
"Hey there, bank robbers here. Stay calm," a man in a black tracksuit and an adorable cream puff mask announced. "Name's Shu-kun."
(What the—something's here!?!) Aru thought, jaw dropping.
"What's that—'Hmph!'—gah!?" a guard yelped.
"Don't move—'Hmph!'—argh!" another screamed.
"You—'Take that!'—eek!" a third collapsed.
Shu-kun hurled stones, neutralizing the Market Guards. Automatons lunged, but two masked women—labeled "2" and "1"—subdued them effortlessly.
"This place is now under the control of the Masked Swimsuit Brigade and Cream Puff Couple!" declared a third masked figure, "3," brandishing a menacing machine gun. "Get down and drop your weapons, or you'll regret it!"
"Emergency alert—" a guard began, only to be cut off.
Dash! Grab!
"Seeee!?" the guard shrieked.
BOOM! Shu-kun grabbed the snarky banker, slamming them into the wall.
"Hey, Shu-kun, not the staff!" mask "4" scolded. "We said no touching them!"
"Sorry, they were about to call someone," Shu-kun said. "But I went easy."
"They're embedded in the wall!" mask "4" retorted.
"What's this chaos!?" another banker stammered, emerging from the back.
"Perfect timing. Grab them," Shu-kun ordered.
Mask "4" and a cream puff-masked woman—Shu-chan—seized the banker.
"Our goal is simple," Shu-kun said, pointing at the banker. "Put everything from today's cash transport truck into this bag. Hurry, or…"
He gestured at the wall-embedded banker. "That happens."
Trembling, the banker squeaked, "U-Understood… This way…"
But they thought, (Calm down. The cash is in the vault for safety. I'll lead this 'Shu-kun' there and stall!)
Shu-kun, fist clenched, followed to a massive vault. "This it?"
"Y-Yes…" the banker said. "But, uh, the key's missing. Can I fetch it? (Perfect chance—)"
"No need," Shu-kun said.
"Huh?"
Shu-kun focused strength into his index finger.
(Whatever he's planning, this vault's door is fifteen centimeters thick! Even a monstrous student couldn't break it. This guy has no halo—he's not even a student! No way he can—) the banker smirked.
Thud!
"Hm?" Shu-kun tilted his head.
Thud! Thud! Thud! Thud!
"What? No, no, no! This door's fifteen centimeters thick! It can trap any monster!" the banker protested.
BRRRRRRRRR!
"No, no! Fifteen centimeters! It's unstoppable!" the banker shrieked.
CRASH!
"Fifteen centimeters! It's—argh!" the banker wailed as Shu-kun's finger carved a circle through the vault door, shattering it. He shoved the banker inside to retrieve the target.
The banker returned with a bulging bag. "H-Here's everything from today's truck!"
"Thanks. Objective secured… Wait, we don't need the cash—" Shu-kun started.
"Please, spare me!" the banker sobbed, fleeing into the broken vault.
"…What now? Guess we take it," Shu-kun said.
"My internal alarm system's activated!" a cybernetic guard crowed. "You're done—"
Whack! "Eek! My alarm system!" the guard cried as Shu-kun smashed it.
"Shu-kun, let's go!" mask "4" urged.
"Got it," Shu-kun nodded.
"Catch them! Block the roads! Don't let those rats escape the Black Market! And ban that muscle freak forever!" the guards roared.
The Masked Swimsuit Brigade and Cream Puff Couple bolted, the bank's reinforcements still nowhere in sight. They vanished with ease.
"…After them!" Aru shouted, sprinting.
"Aru-chan?" Mutsuki blinked.
Mutsuki and Kayoko exchanged glances as Haruka chased Aru.
"Let's go," Kayoko said.
"Yup!" Mutsuki grinned.
"Those are… Abydos and Sensei, right?" Haruka asked.
"Yeah… What're they doing?" Kayoko wondered.
"But they took out that smug banker, so we owe them!" Mutsuki laughed.
"Agreed," Kayoko nodded.
Near Abydos, far from the Black Market, in familiar territory, the Masked Swimsuit Brigade and Cream Puff Couple escaped successfully.
"Phew, that mask was stuffy. Can I take it off?" Serika panted.
"No enemies left. Go ahead," Ayane said.
"Finally!" Serika yanked off her mask, ears damp with sweat.
"Mission complete," Shiroko said, still masked, standing proudly.
"Shiroko-chan, not taking it off?" Nonomi asked.
"Feels like her calling," Hoshino teased. "Right, Shiroko-chan?"
"…Fine," Shiroko relented, removing her mask with a sigh.
"Good work, everyone. Thanks, Shu-chan," Hoshino said.
"No… I mean, wait!" Hifumi stammered. "You punched through the bank's wall! Who are you!?"
"Human," Mash replied.
"That's not what I meant!" Hifumi cried.
(I get that a lot,) Mash thought.
"Now, about this…" Mash held up the bag, stuffed with cash alongside their target documents.
"That's… about a hundred million yen," Hoshino estimated.
"What!?" Serika gasped. "Sensei, you stole it!?"
"They shoved it in," Mash said.
"Probably your phrasing," Hoshino chuckled. "That's likely all the truck's cash. They were terrified of you, Sensei."
"Five minutes for a hundred million," Nonomi marveled.
"Could pay off a chunk of the debt," Serika said.
"Nope, we return it," Mash said.
As he reached for the bag, Serika snatched it with lightning speed. "Hold on! A hundred million! We could clear so much debt!"
"Serika-chan, no! That's real crime!" Ayane protested.
"What are you saying, Ayane-chan!? This is our money, earned with our sweat and tears! The dark bank was going to use it for crime! Better we use it right!" Serika argued.
"I'm with Serika-chan," Nonomi said. "It's criminal money. We'd use it better."
"Even Nonomi-senpai…" Ayane groaned.
"What do you think, Sensei?" Shiroko asked.
Mash grabbed the bag without hesitation. "Sure, it's your hard-earned money."
"See!?" Serika grinned.
"But we went to the Black Market to get proof Kaiser Loans is misusing your payments, not to steal cash," Mash said.
"W-Well, yeah, but…" Serika faltered.
"Sensei's right," Hoshino said. "We need the documents. Sure, it's dirty money, and we could use it. But then what? Keep doing this?"
"…" Serika fell silent.
"Get used to this, and you'll end up like those delinquents," Mash said. "The ones after Hifumi-chan—kidnapping, ransom demands. You know that's wrong. But they were so casual, even enjoying it. They're used to it."
Serika and Nonomi's eyes widened, recalling the delinquents.
Hoshino smiled softly, then switched to her usual teasing grin. "This old lady doesn't want her cute kouhai turning out like that. Protecting the school this way? Pointless. If we were okay with this, we'd have used Nonomi's gold card from the start."
Nonomi glanced at her gold card. "I suggested it, but Hoshino-senpai said no…"
"And making Sensei steal for us? Not happening," Hoshino added.
"I'd refuse," Mash said.
"I get it," Ayane said. "No matter how hard we try, if we don't repay the debt properly, Abydos stops being Abydos."
"Exactly," Hoshino said. "So, we leave the bag and take only the documents. That's the chairwoman's order."
Despite her laid-back tone, Hoshino's words carried weight. Serika slumped, muttering, "Fine…"
"Um, I don't fully get it, but you borrowed from Kaiser Loans? That gray-zone company?" Hifumi asked.
"Gray-zone?" Hoshino echoed.
"Kaiser Loans is a high-interest lender run by Kaiser Corporation," Hifumi explained. "They operate between legal and illegal. They've got subsidiaries in Trinity, and even the Tea Party Student Council is wary. I've heard rumors."
"Trinity's Tea Party, huh," Hoshino mused.
"Sounds tasty," Mash said.
"It's their student council," Hoshino clarified. "Wait, something's coming."
The group donned their masks again. Problem Solver 68 arrived.
"Found you!" Aru declared.
"…What's up?" Shiroko asked.
"Uh, we're not enemies! Just… It's no big deal, but…" Aru hesitated. "That bank heist! Taking down a Black Market bank in five minutes and escaping flawlessly… Your outlaw spirit!"
"…!?!" the group froze.
(They didn't recognize us?) Hoshino thought.
"And you, Shu-kun!" Aru gushed. "That sheer strength! I was in awe!"
"…Thanks," Mash said.
(No way! They didn't clock Sensei? A guy who punches walls isn't common!) Serika thought.
"It was inspiring," Aru continued. "Seeing fearless outlaws in action gave me drive! Free from laws, with unbound souls! I want to be that kind of outlaw! So, tell me your names, so I can engrave today's epic feat in my heart!"
"Got it!" Hoshino said, clearing her throat. "We're… the Masked Swimsuit Brigade!"
"So cool! Ultra stylish!" Aru squealed.
"Normally, we'd wear school swimsuits with masks, but it was a rush job," Hoshino said. "Just masks today."
"By day, I'm an idol. By night, a phantom thief! I'm Christina!" Nonomi struck a pose, dropping the bag.
"'Da yo♧'!? That flair! The costumes, the poses—perfect!" Aru swooned.
"And these are our allies!" Hoshino gestured.
"Muscles and sugar never betray," Mash declared, flexing.
"We are…" Hifumi began, then joined Mash in a muscle pose. "The Cream Puff Couple!"
"Cream Puff… Couple!?" Hifumi blushed, flexing shyly. "Ugh, so embarrassing!"
"Such great characters! You're on fire!" Aru cheered.
"Thanks," Mash said.
(Sensei's all in,) Hoshino thought.
Aru's eyes sparkled as the rest of Problem Solver 68 caught up.
"What're they doing?" Kayoko asked.
"Aru-chan's way into it. So cute!" Mutsuki giggled.
"Al-sama's having fun…" Haruka smiled.
"Time to go, Shu-chan," Mash said.
"Go where!?" Hifumi yelped as he dragged her off.
"See ya, Shu-kun!" Aru waved.
The Masked Swimsuit Brigade and Cream Puff Couple vanished.
"I've carved their fearless path into my soul!" Aru declared. "I'll keep pushing!"
"What now?" Kayoko asked.
"It's fun, so let's leave 'em be," Mutsuki grinned.
Problem Solver 68 was, as ever, themselves.
Later, back at their office…
"What!?" Aru screeched. "The Masked Swimsuit Brigade was Abydos!? And Shu-kun was Mash!?"
No one in Kivotos but Mash could punch through walls without a halo. In hindsight, it was obvious.
Afterword
I went wild with this one! The finger-through-vault move is straight from Mashle canon, so I leaned into it. The Cream Puff Couple? I'm obsessed now. Please rate and comment—it fuels me! Activity report ideas welcome, and I appreciate typo reports!
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