Lucian had been so used to Celine's absence that her presence was now disturbing his routine, and his daily schedule. His efficiency and productivity plummeted.
Why would he reveal what he wanted to do to her just so she could go out of her way to prevent it from happening?
'Why couldn't I have done it the easy way? Act sweet and doting like she did? But no...I had to say I wanted to make her beg and cry, huh? What an idiot. Now, I'll never be able to get what I want. Well done, me.'
Lucian gritted his teeth and returned to the carriage. The cold bath in the lake didn't help him cool off, and he felt no better than before. In fact, he dreaded meeting her face-to-face again.
He couldn't bring himself to hurt her, but neither could he stand being toyed with.
The pain and the anguish that followed would eat away at him, and he was certain he'd regret his weakness and his mercy.
Celine had the upper hand. He let her walk all over him. It would only be a matter of time before she would have him completely under her control.
Like before.
And then, everything would end, and his already broken heart would shatter completely.
'Just give up. Let her win. Maybe this time, she'll really kill you, and it'll be all over. No more pain. No more suffering. You've had enough. It's time to end it. You're tired of the whole damn thing anyway. Let her do it. It'll save you the effort. Just—'
'Just kill her.'
Lucian froze and looked around, expecting to see someone there. But the carriage was empty, except for him.
'You'll never be free unless one of you is dead. Kill her, or she'll find another way to ruin your life.'
The inner voice sounded just like him, but somehow, he couldn't associate it with his own thoughts.
Lucian shook his head and tried to focus on the work in front of him, but the voice continued to speak, its words laced with anger, pain, and hate.
'It's alright. I understand. It's just like last time. You can't bear to see her suffer, right? And she knows it. That's why she keeps coming back. To make you feel sorry for her. To make you pity her and let her get away with her actions.'
"My Lord," the coachman called him, "Lady Rochefort wants to speak with you."
"Let her through," Lucian said and leaned back, throwing away the broken fountain pen, and watched the woman enter his carriage.
The door opened, and the woman herself appeared, her eyes were snooping around the carriage and then fell on him. He gestured at the seat opposite him, and she gracefully sat down.
"How may I help you, Lady Rochefort?" he asked.
She didn't say anything, the silence unsettling and uncomfortable. Then, she outstretched her hand towards him.
He looked at it, and then back at her.
"..."
"What?"
"Give it back."
Lucian raised his left brow, "Excuse me?"
"Repayment for the time I wasted on you," she explained, "The time I spent waiting. It wasn't free, you know? It's called emotional labor, and I deserve compensation."
"..." Lucian stared at her, dumbfounded, and then he burst out laughing.
Celine felt her cheeks heat up, and her fingers clenched. She didn't go this far for him just so she would give up on him that easily. He was hers, and he was going to stay hers, even if it meant taking him by force.
He didn't touch her hand, nor did he accept her demand. Instead, he asked, "So, how much is it? Your emotional labor," he clarified, "How much is it worth?"
"It's great you are asking. I have a list," Celine said and pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket, "You shouldn't make me beg in public, I have a bad knee, so I might not be able to kneel properly, but I can declare my loyalty aloud. That will count, won't it?"
Lucian couldn't believe what he was seeing. It was a numbered list of things that needed to be compensated for.
Not only the time, but also her thoughts, her energy, and her feelings. From the small things she did, to the big, important events. It almost, almost, made him feel guilty. Almost.
"What about the things you did to me?" he asked.
"You can deduct your emotional labor from it," she said, and Lucian looked at her like she had lost her mind.
"I will think about it," he said and looked away, trying not to laugh again, "Anything else you want?"
Celine stared at him, his indifference, and his lack of reaction to her. She outstretched her hand towards him once more, and this time, her fingertips brushed against his hand.
He pulled it away, and the distance between them suddenly became bigger.
"Don't," he warned her, "Don't touch me like you are entitled to."
"Do you hate it?" she asked, trying to touch him again but he caught her wrist, keeping her at bay.
"I do."
"Why? Do you like some else?" she asked, "Someone who isn't me?"
"..." Lucian avoided her gaze as she leaned closer, almost straddling his lap, "What is there to like about you?"
"My face?"
"Not attractive enough," he said. He wasn't lying, the current scowl on her face didn't suit her at all.
"My body?"
"I've seen better."
"My skills? My status? My wealth? My connections?"
"I can do without," he answered.