The battered truck rattled across the cracked highway like a tin can riding a dying horse. Dust clouds bloomed behind them, swallowing the ruins they left in the rearview. The morning sun beat down mercilessly on the rusted roof, and the inside smelled faintly of gasoline, sweat, and Sierra's bubblegum-scented gun oil.
Sierra sat behind the wheel in a laid-back sprawl, one hand lazily draped over the steering column, the other tapping the dashboard to a rhythm only she could hear. Her strawberry-blonde ponytail bounced with every bump in the road, and her tank top was soaked in a thin sheen of sweat.
"Gravetown's maybe another two hours out," she drawled, shifting gears with a smooth jerk. "Assumin' we don't get ambushed by sand lizards, rogue traders, or some horny-ass mutant lookin' for a snack."
Lin sat in the passenger seat, bouncing slightly with the suspension. His cracked glasses slid down his nose. "Y-Yeah… sounds great…"
Behind them, Yuzuki was singing something upbeat in the truck bed while Yue and Celestine rode in near-total silence, legs crossed, weapons within easy reach.
Then—DING!
A soft chime echoed in Lin's head, followed by a semi-transparent blue screen flickering in front of his vision.
[E.S.I. System Notification]
+200 EXP gained for acquiring 20 new bonded followers.
Level Up!Lin Feng: Level 2 → Level 3
Choose one Skill Gacha Reward:
— [Master of Arms Lv2]: Weapon hover radius increased to 2m. Can control up to 2 weapons.— [Lightning 5 Lashes Lv1]: Cast lightning lashes up to 5 targets. Cooldown: 5 minutes.— [Eagle Vision Lv1]: Vision distance +100m. Enhanced enemy marking.
"Wait—what the fuck?" Lin whispered, blinking rapidly.
A familiar giggle bloomed to his left. ESI shimmered into view, floating in mid-air like a smug fairy goddess in twin ponytails and thigh-highs.
"Ding-ding, dumbass. You leveled up~!" she said, spinning midair with jazz-hands. "Congrats on being worshipped by twenty bandit-turned-zealots. The system appreciates cult-based EXP farming."
Lin leaned sideways and hissed under his breath. "W-What?! Why am I getting experience for that?!"
"System recognizes it as 'Follower Acquisition,'" ESI said, smug as ever. "Also, they're emotionally bonded to you via fear and spiritual projection, so… yeah. Welcome to Cult Leader Level 3, baby."
"I didn't want a cult!" he hissed.
"Well, you got one," she said, grinning. "Now shut up and pick your gacha."
He stared at the three floating icons.
Master of Arms Lv2 would let him hover weapons within 2 meters. Controlling two would help in a fight—but only if he had any decent weapons.
Eagle Vision Lv1 would help scouting. Seeing enemies from 100 meters away could be clutch. But it wasn't offensive.
Then there was…
Lightning 5 Lashes Lv1.
Five arcs of lightning. Five targets. Five minutes cooldown.
His eyes lingered on it.
"Come on," ESI whispered, grinning wide. "You know you wanna feel powerful. Just once. Zap a motherfucker. Be the anime protagonist your virgin heart always dreamed of."
He swallowed hard.
"…Lightning."
[Skill Acquired: Lightning 5 Lashes Lv1]Cooldown: 5 Minutes. Mana-Free. Targets can be selected manually or auto-prioritized in combat.
"I can't believe I'm a fucking lightning mage now…" he whispered.
"Oh sweetie," ESI said, patting his shoulder with her holographic hand, "you're barely a lightning intern. But it's a start."
"Who you talkin' to over there, pretty boy?" Sierra asked from the wheel, glancing at him suspiciously.
"Uhh—myself! J-Just thinking aloud!" Lin stammered, waving a hand wildly. "Haha! Y'know… uh… strategic planning!"
Sierra gave him a side-eye. "You always sound like you're tryin' to lie and cum at the same time. You sure you're not crackin' up back there?"
"I-I'm fine!"
Yue's voice chimed from the back. "He was whispering to himself last night too."
"I-I think aloud!" Lin yelled over his shoulder.
"Maybe he hears spirits now~!" Yuzuki added brightly. "Producer-sama is sooo mystical lately~!"
Celestine simply closed her eyes, serene as ever. "Perhaps the voices guide him. Or perhaps they are him."
Lin leaned back in his seat and groaned. "Fuck my life."
"Language, Apostle," ESI teased, floating upside down.
"I swear to god, if you start calling me that—"
"Too late. Cult Daddy it is."
"F-Fucking hell—"
Sierra adjusted her rearview mirror and smirked. "You better not be jerkin' it to your own reflection again, Feng. I swear I will drive us off a cliff."
Lin slammed his forehead against the dashboard. "PLEASE. KILL ME."
[Lightning 5 Lashes: Ready]
"Don't tempt me," ESI sang, her eyes glowing with blue static. "We've got fireworks now."
Another screen blinked into place:
Choose One Bonus Stat Upgrade
— +10% Strength— +10% Health— +10% Stamina
Lin stared at the screen.
"Jesus Christ," he muttered. "I just got out of a haunted cult nightmare, and now I have to min-max my life like I'm in a fucking gacha game."
"Newsflash: you are in a fucking gacha game," ESI smirked. "One where you suck at everything except attracting dangerously unstable women."
"I'm not that bad…"
"Your libido stat is still 1. And you have a dick the size of a soy sauce packet."
Lin glared at her, then looked at the three options. Health was tempting. Stamina, too. But…
"Strength," he muttered. "I need to be less useless. Maybe if I can throw a punch without spraining my wrist, I'll feel like less of a piece of shit."
"Ooooh, bold," ESI grinned. "Ten percent of seven… makes you…"
The numbers flickered:
[+10% Strength Applied: 7 → 7.7]
"Rounded stat?" Lin asked, eyebrow twitching.
"Nope. We're using decimals now. Deal with it, decimal daddy."
He groaned and leaned back in his seat.
[Updated Stats – Lin Feng | Level 3 | Rank: E | Power Score: 118.9]Strength: 7.7Agility: 7Stamina: 7Speed: 24.2Defense: 3Health: 70Health Regen: 0.7 HP/hourStamina Regen: 0.7/hourLibido: 1 minSize: 5 cm
ESI leaned over his shoulder, chewing imaginary gum. "You're officially a fraction less pathetic."
"Yay," Lin deadpanned.
Behind them, Yuzuki leaned over the truck bed rail. "Producer-samaaaa~! Are you doing that thinky-face again~?"
"N-No! Just… focusing! Strategy stuff!"
Sierra didn't even look over. "He's probably stress-fapping to math equations."
"I am not—!"
Yue's voice cut in cold and deadpan. "He talks to himself constantly."
"I think it's cute~!" Yuzuki chimed.
Celestine, still serene, just stared into the horizon. "He's evolving."
"I hate all of you," Lin muttered.
ESI giggled. "No you don't."
He sighed, rubbing his temples. He was now slightly stronger. A few points tougher. Still the weakest person in the vehicle, but at least not completely helpless.
Slightly less pathetic… was still progress.
And in this world, that meant something.
Q: Which skills and stats would you choose?