I put my phone back in my bag and started walking again. The streets were glowing, like someone had spilled LED lights all over the city. Fake snow on the shop windows. "Winter Sale" signs in shiny gold lettering. Some random Christmas song hummed from a speaker near the entrance of a café.
I hated it.
Every single part of it felt stupid.
People acted like lights and peppermint lattes could make December feel magical like wrapping shit in ribbon somehow made it meaningful. It didn't. It was just noise, stupid commercial noise, emotional noise, all of it fake.
I passed a couple holding hands outside a department store, laughing over some matching scarf they were looking at. She leaned into him like it was the happiest moment of her life. I wanted to shove the scarf rack over but I didn't.
Instead, I walked slower. Let the cold bite my face. I wanted to feel it. The realness of it. Not this glowing, blinking, hollow version of December.
There was a pop-up Christmas market near the station, little booths selling overpriced cookies, candles, and fake German ornaments. People wandered between them like sheep, smiling, sipping hot drinks they didn't even like.
I stared at a group of girls taking selfies in front of a fake snowman. All filters and forced smiles.
They would've hated Hiyori if they knew her.
She laughed loud, rolled her eyes when people said dumb things. Spoke her mind, even when it made people flinch, they called her too much.
Now they post crying emojis like they lost a sister.
It makes me sick.
I walked into a convenience store to warm up. The heater was on too high. Everything inside smelled like microwaved bread and artificial pine.
I bought nothing. Just stood there long enough to hate it, then walked out.
Back onto the street, back into the cold.
The snow was falling harder now, sticking to my coat. I didn't brush it off. I let it pile. Let it cling. Hiyori used to say the city looked softer with snow on it like even the ugliest buildings were trying to be something better. She'd pull me down alleys just to take photos of vending machines covered in snow. "Aesthetic," she'd say, then giggle.
She would've dragged me to some stupid café with polar bear pancakes and a fireplace screen on a TV and said, "Come on, just enjoy it for once." and I would've grumbled, but I would've gone. Because she was warm and I was cold, and she made me feel something I didn't know how to name.
Now I just walked past the fake Santas, past the glowing hearts in the window displays, past the people pretending this all means something. They don't know what it's like to lose someone and keep walking anyway.
I do.
I passed another couple. Another laughing group, more smiles. It all felt like a movie I'd already seen. Predictable and empty. I want to scream at them. Break their stupid peace. Tell them Christmas is bullshit. That love doesn't save anyone. That snow doesn't make anything beautiful but I don't.
Because no one would listen and maybe I don't actually want to be heard.
I just want her back.
***
The ride felt long. I stopped listening to my parents talk a while ago, their voices faded into background noise. My mind was somewhere else.
Beep!
My heart jumped. Two cars crashed in front of us, metal scraping, glass bursting.
"That was close," my dad muttered, barely slowing down.
My mom turned to me. Her eyes searched my face like she could sense something wasn't right.
"We should stop by," she said, pointing at a convenience store.
Why? I wanted to ask. It wasn't our problem but my dad parked anyway.
Outside, the SUV was wrecked, front crushed in. A delivery guy was yelling, furious about his destroyed pizza. The air was sharp with cold, and something metallic, blood, hung faintly in it but my stomach growled louder than my nerves.
I headed inside, straight to the chocolate aisle and picked up my favorite soda. Sweet, cold and familiar.
Outside, my parents stood near two officers under buzzing streetlights. The sirens hadn't stopped. The whole scene felt off, like the air was holding its breath.
I went to pay.
"How much again?"
The cashier mumbled something. I slid coins over. The soda chilled my hand. Then I felt it, that silence. Like everything had paused.
I turned.
My mother was on the ground outside, shoved down. A man stood over her.
What?!
My legs froze. My heart thundered. My dad was trying to punch the man attacking her, but something was wrong. Before I could react my father rushed to help, I saw him grab a nearby object and lunge at the man.
The more I got closer the more I saw the situation happening, the man's eyes were half-closed, drool dripping from his lips, his movements jerky and unnatural. Was he the driver from the crash earlier?
He looks like shit.
I glanced around, onlookers were standing in my surroundings.
Why weren't they helping?
I looked at my parents and what I witnessed was horrific.
My dad lunged at the man, trying to drag him off. But the man wasn't reacting, not normal. His body jerked, slack like a puppet. His eyes were half-lidded. Mouth open and it was drooling.
The man turned and snarled like an animal, his mouth wide, teeth tearing into my mother's arm.
Blood sprayed.
"No!" I screamed, my legs moved on instinct but before I could reach them, they were dragged.
Dragged into the woods behind the store.
I ran after them but hand clamped around my arm.
"Hey! Kid! Wait—"
A police officer. I looked up, breath catching in my throat.
"Help me! My parents—he took them! Didn't you see?!"
"Take a breath. Tell me exactly what happened," he said, trying to steady me.
What did he mean take a breath?
"I was inside! I came out, and this man—he was biting her! My dad tried to stop him! Why is this happening?!"
"Was the man injured? Did he look sick—?"
"I don't care! He looked dead! His eyes, he wasn't human! He was like some monster!"
I tried to break free, but his grip tightened.
"I have to go in there! They need me!"
"I'm not letting you run into that forest alone. We don't know what's in there."
"You're wasting time! They're my parents! Are you just going to stand here?!"
The officer stared at me, jaw tight. "We'll call for backup. We'll get them."
"You don't get it!" I yelled. "They could be bleeding out right now! That thing, what if it's not the only one?!"
"I understand—"
"No, you don't! I should've said I loved them more. I didn't even say fucking goodbye!"
I shook in his grip. My fists were clenched so tight I thought my nails might cut into my palms. I felt useless, I hated him. I hated this. I hated how cold the world felt.
More officers showed up, lights flashed. The sirens still screamed. I looked around at the bystanders, watching like it was a movie.
No one fucking helped.
"Right now, we need to clear the area and secure the scene," the officer said. "You need to stay here. We'll handle it."
"I can't just wait."
"I know. But you have to."
Tears blurred my vision. Regret crushed my chest.
"I should've gone with them sooner," I whispered.
He knelt beside me, voice quieter. "You didn't do anything wrong. This wasn't your fault."
But I didn't believe him.