Three boxes of chocolate, vanilla and hazelnut biscuits lay on the kitchen counter at a social housing flat.
It's such a pleasant autumnal weather. I am going to brew myself a cup of herbal tea and take it outside together with biscuits on a tray.
Serenity boils some water in a kettle. Picks a teabag of a calming tea, places it in a cup and pours some heated water over it. The teacup lid has been placed on top and has been left to sit for a moment.
Next, she arranges the teacup and biscuits on a tray and takes it outside to the garden bench.
I am going to quietly sit here for a while in the hope of becoming philosophically enlightened by the vastness of the starry sky vault.
Humanity's knowledge is infinite like the sky, in general. However, only relatively small bits and pieces of it are accessible to individual human minds at any given time.
The older versions of myself are sometimes too ruthless and unforgiving of the younger ones blaming the latter for their limitations and supposed ignorance that came to have far reaching implications later on. There is no room for empathy in this attitude and that ought to change somehow. Absolute perfection is an utopic idea. Most likely one of those of "demonic origin". They have the capacity of trapping the human mind in a timeless state, in a vacuum of single-pointed attention focus and thus, continuously drain one's vital mental energy. The records of my mental development are overflowing with the destructive influence of ideas from strange unidentified sources. Words fail to describe the power that their grip used to have on my mind.
Serenity continues reminiscing about her childhood and teenagerhood experiences.
While watching beauty pageants on TV set my mind became possessed by the idea of physical beauty that consisted of becoming as skinny as possible. Parents were busy fighting their survival battles at the time. Family lived a relatively isolated social existence in the countryside. Hence, I was left to parent myself or so it seemed on the outside. In reality, my mind had always been in the grip of some overpowering forces and they kept projecting very destructive ideas onto my mental vision field. On the outside, it looked as if a person was being reckless and behaving in an unreasonable manner. So yes, in my teenage years becoming a "skinny beauty" was my top priority along with achieving top grades at school. The body gains weight by consuming generous amounts of food, my reasoning went. According to that logic, the solution to the problem was simple: eat an apple or two a day every day and the weight is going to stay as low as I wanted it to be. What I didn't anticipate was the eventual rise of the feeling of hunger. In order to fight it the "diet" had to be modified to include some salad along with the apple intake. The idea of consuming as little food as possible was very appealing. There was another compelling reason: the less is put in, the less comes out. Becoming mentally conscious of the function of elimination resulted in an inner existential crisis of sorts: how can the ideal of a timeless beauty be reconciled with the "ugly" physiological function of elimination? That realization became something quasi-impossible to process for a period of time. Until the idea of elimination was integrated as a "universal truth" into my consciousness. That was just the start of the subsequent "food battles" and defiance against the laws of bodily physiology. The "upgraded battle strategy" was to purge the meal content soon after it had been ingested. By such a "clever move" I expected to circumvent the feeling of hunger and achieve my very skinny body ideal. After the approach proved unsustainable, I got obsessed with the strenuous exercise regime like jogging for hours no matter wind or rain or snowstorm. Physical exercise meant unequivocally health to me. The more, the better. Until the effect from the excess of physical activity manifested in my knee joint anatomy and physiology years later.
Even as a medical student I had difficult time connecting the theoretical dots with my lived reality. Initially, health was understood as something more of a given. Unhealth was caused by microorganisms and overexposure to certain environmental physical factors. Food impact awareness was not in the equation during that time. And mental health awareness was lightyears away.
Likewise, my understanding of romantic relationships was limited to "naturally being gripped by a powerful emotion" that was expected not to fade into oblivion over the course of time.
Time to stop overthinking. I am going to sleep.
The next morning Serenity's mother kept sitting on the boulder by the river bank.
Seven days of intense rainfall have been forecasted but the sky is still clear this morning.
The sound of flowing river waters has a calming effect on her mind.
I feel I haven't changed inside over the years. Whose is the ghostly reflection staring back at me from the surface of the water? I'm the never aging beauty in the picture from years ago. That is the true me.
Then the reality catches up with her thoughts.
Is that reflection in the water my reward for having made all those sacrificial choices over the decades?..
Meanwhile, back in the countryside house Serenity's father has pulled out a pair of orange plastic slippers from under the bed.
This shameless woman with no conscience dares to speak back when she's obviously guilty! My daughter has mentioned that I need a proof in the contemporary times. That personal opinion alone was no longer enough to draw decisive conclusion. Here is the proof: these orange slippers that I have discovered in the rainstorm water drainage well by the green hedge a few days ago. While being a man of reason I haven't thought it through that the sneaky lover might find their way back up to the surface of the ground and escape after having fallen into my trap. But that lack of perfection in my plan is understandable for I have too much on my plate. In the end, I have the necessary proof! This time I am going to confront her with the raw evidence.
Serenity's father put the orange plastic slippers on. The size was surprisingly of the correct fit for his feet. He slowly started walking over the grasslands towards the river while trying to use the trees and bushes as a cover of his physical presence.
When you think about it there is plenty of opportunities for romance by the river: the fishermen and the kayakers constantly passing by. There she is sitting relaxed on the boulder like a fairytale mermaid. She certainly knows how to strike an enchanting pose matching the mysterious beauty of the nature's surroundings. Which man young or old could resist the allure of such a temptress?! I'm sure she's anticipating the arrival of anybody else but me. Your surprise is coming, my darling...
The bright orange color has caught the sight of Serenity's mother's eyes from afar.
What is that old man wearing? As far as I know, he has always had preference for earthy tones in his wardrobe. What does him wearing those orange slippers mean? A fresh start in life perhaps?
A pleasant emotion enveloped her being.
Perhaps the long awaited moment has come at last and things are about to change for the better. My lament about how pitifully my life has turned out just now was premature.
"Oh there you are my darling," the husband has greeted his wife while explicitly positioning the orange slippers at the center of her field of vision.
"Lovely morning today. No rain yet."
"Yes, it is indeed."
"I see you are drowning deep inside your thoughts. What is the subject of your focus this time? That troublemaker daughter of yours perhaps?"
"What do you mean by "my troublemaker daughter"? Is she not your daughter as well? Or do you recognize her as your daughter only when you can boast about her achievements to your acquaintances. After she has met with some bad luck she has stopped being recognized by you?"
"Well...appearances might be misleading," replied Serenity's father and by slowly turning his head to the side he noticed a fishing rod sticking out of the bushes further up the river bank.
I knew it! I just knew it! Let's go and discover the true identity of the Lovelorn Fisherman over there. The amount of money that I have spent weekly on the quality supermarket fish has no value in her heart! The wild fish of unknown quality from the river roasted over the cozy bonfire by the Lovelorn Fisherman lover on a fleeting occasion wins all of her love!!!
The feeling of romantic injustice and absence of appreciation for his major contribution to their relationship started consuming both his mind and his heart like a wildfire and a deluge simultaneously. By the time Serenity's father has reached the nature's spot where the Lovelorn Fisherman was sighted by him a moment ago there was nobody there.
At the University Hospital's Department of General Surgery ward two-o-three.
"Auntie, I have brought some fresh flowers for you today."
"Thank you very much: so fragrant and so beautiful!"
"Good day Ladies! Your Beekeeper neighbor has brought you a tasty lunch meal prepared by my darling wife. The most exciting thing is that I have been blessed with a catch from the river this morning."
"Sounds appetizing! Is it eel by any chance? That would bring many of my childhood memories back," Auntie remarked wishfully.
"Eels are fresh water fish. Due to the extensive and ongoing progress the water structure in the river has changed over decades. Different fish species prevail now. Luckily, my lovely wife knows how to cook it well; no matter the change in the core ingredients. Please, Ladies, have a taste."