Galf drummed his fingers on the adventurers' guild table with an expression of pure misery. Across from him, Justine, the guild assistant, finished writing on a parchment with the elegance of someone who had spent years filling out incompetence forms.
"So, to get your F-grade adventurer's license back," she said without even looking at him, "you must return to the adventurer school and successfully complete the re-evaluation test."
Galf nodded, swallowing hard.
"And what's the problem then?" Justine asked, looking up with an exasperated gaze.
"Well..." Galf nervously rubbed his hands. "I'm missing... a sword."
Silence.
Justine sighed deeply and took off her glasses.
"Galf, how exactly do you plan to get your adventurer's license back... without a sword? Do you see a sword around here? Do I look like a blacksmith?"
"That's why I'm here!" Galf exclaimed, desperate. "I don't have money for a new one! But... I know where my sword is. I just need to get it back."
"Oh, what a relief. For a moment I thought you were going to tell me you needed to apply for another license for lost equipment... again."
Galf coughed uncomfortably.
Justine massaged her temples.
"Alright. Where did you leave your sword?"
"Uh... in a tree."
"A tree?" Justine repeated, narrowing her eyes.
"Well, do you remember my last mission?"
Justine took a sip of tea and savored it calmly before replying:
"Let me guess. The one with the powerful goblin who strangled you... the one you let live."
"Technically, yes, but... it was an honorable draw. He was very strong, remember? We recognized each other as warriors."
Justine stared at Galf.
"A draw... with a goblin."
"He was very agile!"
Justine maintained a look of disappointment.
"Don't look at me like that, it's true, the goblin looked like he was about to become a goblin champion!"
The assistant sighed again and sealed the parchment with a sharp thud.
"Fine, I'll give you the suspension while you retrieve your sword."
Galf bowed, grateful.
"Thank you, Justine, when I'm an imperial-rank hero, I'll make it up to you."
"Yeah, sure. Go get your sword, Galf. And try not to die trying."
After talking to Justine, Galf headed directly to the back of the guild, where the tavern was. Necky was in a corner, trying to go unnoticed, with her boots on the table, enjoying a mug of cheap beer and a plate of stale bread with suspiciously green cheese.
"Necky, I need your help," Galf said without preamble.
"That sounds expensive," the necromancer replied without even looking at him.
"It's not about money. It's something easy. I just need you to come with me to the forest to retrieve my sword."
Necky blinked slowly.
"Your sword? The one you lost to a goblin?" She ate a piece of the dangerously green cheese. "Are you seriously asking an archnicromancer to waste her valuable time for your rusty junk?"
"I didn't lose it, I strategically embedded it in a tree. Besides, it was after a brutal combat!"
Necky smiled mockingly.
"So now you depend on me. Ha! What irony. Didn't you say mages are fakers who do light tricks?"
"I can't go back without my sword! Imagine if the instructors see me unarmed!"
"Do you think no one has noticed, bumpkin?"
Galf looked away. "Come on, don't you see your only companion is in trouble?"
"And what do I get out of this?"
"I'll buy you food for a week."
Necky snapped her fingers.
"Deal," she replied with a mischievous smile, then finished the cheese in one bite.
Before she could get up, a thunderous shout interrupted them.
"A MISSION TO RECOVER A FALLEN WEAPON?! THIS IS A FEAT WORTHY OF LEGENDS AND I MUST JOIN THIS GLORIOUS MISSION!"
The guild tavern patrons turned in surprise, but Galf and Necky only put a hand to their faces.
Graham, the cursed sword, stirred in her sheath with misplaced enthusiasm. Her demonic eye glowed intensely and, as always, she spoke too loudly.
"I cannot allow noble steel to suffer in the solitude of the forest! We must recover it before it is desecrated by unworthy creatures!"
Necky tapped the hilt.
"Keep your voice down, yelling steel. People are staring at us. Do you want to embarrass your owner?"
"LET THEM STARE! FOR WE ARE WARRIORS IN SEARCH OF REDEMPTION AND THERE IS NO GREATER HONOR!"
"You're really begging for me to throw you to the bottom of the lake," Necky retorted with a blank stare.
"Oh, my Lady, allow this legendary weapon to participate in this noble mission!"
Necky finished her beer. "Can't you save the drama for later?"
"AN ABANDONED WEAPON IS A SOUL IN PAIN! WE CANNOT LET YOUNG STEEL BE LOST TO IGNOMINY!"
Galf sighed.
"If we don't go now, Graham won't stop screaming."
Necky stood up, brushed bread crumbs from her robe, and smiled.
"Alright, alright. Let's go find your stupid sword before the Inquisition throws us back into a dungeon because of this junk."
"Oh glory, behold, our adventure begins!" Graham added. "The bards will sing of our exploits."
The trio set off into the forest, unaware that their mission would become more complicated than expected. What began as a simple equipment retrieval would end up leading them straight into the jaws of danger... and the biggest blow to Galf's dignity to date.
They arrived at the forest where Galf had had his "honorable encounter" with the goblin. They headed directly to the tree where, in theory, the sword should still be embedded.
But when they arrived...
No sword.
Galf paled.
"Where is my sword?! It should be here!" He approached the tree where there was only a small notch.
Graham shook violently in her sheath.
"I perceive it! A vile being has taken the young blade and defiled it with its impure claws!"
Necky looked at the ground and observed small footprints leading deeper into the forest.
"This doesn't look good," the necromancer said.
"What do you mean it doesn't look good?" Galf exclaimed. "It means we can get it back!"
"Or it means it's now in the hands of something worse than just one goblin."
"No way! It was mine! With that sword... I almost killed a goblin!"
"Almost? I don't know why I find that hard to believe."
Graham ignored the comment and roared with fury:
"NOBLE STEEL, RESIST! YOUR RESCUE IS IMMINENT! YOU SHALL NOT FALL INTO THE IGNOMINY OF OBLIVION!"
"Please, shut up," Necky growled. "You're going to alert every living creature in this forest."
But it was too late. The footprints led them to a goblin village hidden deep in the forest.
From their hiding place, they saw a goblin holding Galf's sword as if it were his great trophy. He swung it in the air, and his goblin companions surrounded him, listening intently.
Hidden among the bushes, Galf, Necky, and Graham kept a safe distance.
"What is he saying?" Galf asked in a low voice.
"Don't look at me, they don't teach Goblinish at magic school."
"Goblinish? Wasn't it Goblinian?"
"Does it matter?" Necky retorted.
"Mistress, this glorious legendary sword understands over a thousand languages."
"Finally you're useful. What are those pests saying?"
Graham, with her ability to understand the Goblinian language, translated:
"Brothers! I, the great Krakk, defeated a weak and cowardly human!"
Galf trembled with indignation.
Necky shivered with laughter, trying not to make a sound.
Graham continued, "Hear me, brothers! This steel bears witness to my glorious victory over the pathetic human who fell to his knees before me."
Silence.
Galf's face was beet red. "That's an absolute lie..."
Necky patted him on the back.
"Come on, admit it, he's making a better story than yours."
Graham exploded again with even greater force, "AN OUTRAGE! THAT INFAMOUS BEING HAS DISHONORED HIS WORTHY BEARER!"
Necky hit her to shut her up.
"What part of 'stealth' don't you understand, you cursed junk?!"
"HONOR MUST BE DEFENDED!"
"AGAINST AN ENTIRE VILLAGE OF GOBLINS?!" Necky exclaimed, losing her temper.
"To arms, warriors! We must wash away this affront with goblin blood! There will be no peace until we reclaim what is ours! Let us fight to the death, for steel knows no fear!"
"Shut up, you junk! Can't you see how many goblins there are in there? They'll mince us."
Galf tried to silence Graham along with Necky.
"A warrior never retreats! Cowardice is worse than death!"
Necky was about to lose her patience. "Shut up already or I'll throw you to the bottom of the lake tied to a rock."
Galf was sweating cold. Finally, he sighed, defeated by common sense.
"Guys... I think it's best to report this to the guild."
Graham fell silent for a few seconds, then exploded:
"COWARD! VILE BEING WITHOUT DIGNITY! YOU WILL LIVE IN ETERNAL SHAME!" she screamed at the top of her sword lungs, assuming such a thing exists. "Will you allow that wretch to continue proclaiming his false glory? Where is your honor?!"
Necky smiled, resigned, trying to silence the sword. "Let's go back before this junk ruins everything."
Galf nodded with some sadness in his eyes.
Graham flared up again. "UNACCEPTABLE! Will the bards sing about how you reported to management?! They'll call this day 'Galf's Glorious Report'! What a pathetic feat, let's go for a fair fight!"
"Yeah, right, but instead of 'fair fight' it'll be more like 'one human and one necromancer against fifty goblins with spears.' Do you want to see your mistress murdered by goblins?"
Graham trembled with rage. "I will never forget this shame, my soul will be forever scarred! Oh, sorrow. Oh, betrayal!"
Necky returned her to her sheath, though her murmurs could still be heard. "Let's go before she ruins everything."
Revenge would have to wait...