Everything is in a haze. People passing me blur into a shadow that engulfs me. All of the voices and sounds this busy street is making all too loud and quiet at the same time. I just want to get away, I want to punch something or rather a certain someone. I want to hide myself in warm blankets and never show my face to this ugly and heartbreaking world ever again. All of my life has been turned upside down, I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm amazed I could get this far on pure instinct. I open the door to my apartment where I'm welcomed by a sweet smell. It seems Martha is baking something. Just thinking about Marta's pastries calms me enough that I feel the tears threating to fall. Why now, when I have held these tears back so well for this long.
"Angie? You're back so early." I hear Martha from our kitchen, "Well that's fine with me, you can be the first to try my new pastr-" She stops when she seems my disheveled appearence, grim face and whatnot more.
"Omg, what happened?" She throws her pink oven mittens on our kitchen table and hurries to me. I can't even look into her eyes, so I keep my eyes on the oven mittens that I gifted to her on her 22-nd birthday.
"I-" And that's all that takes me to crash, my emotions overflowing and the tears not threating anymore but demanding passage from my eyes.
She engulfs me in her hug, which makes me cry even harder. My legs give up on me so we both slide to the floor, Martha still holding me in her warm embrace.
It's kind of our thing, whenever the other one is sad, overwhelmed or tired, we hug and most of the time it helps. Call it magic, transfer of energy or just friendship but it works. Well, usually, but today? I'm not sure if even rebirth would help me.
It must be atleast 10 minutes until my tears dry off and I regain enough energy to make my way to the couch.
"I'll be right back, okay?" Martha speaks. I just nod without even glancing at her. The wall must be my second best friend today seeing how much I am staring at it.
After few minutes she's back with sweet, heavenly looking pastries and two glasses full of Rose. My favourite wine.
"Take this." She puts one of the glasses into my right hand. "And this." To the other hand she gives me a pastry.
"Take a bite, then a sip and tell me, what happened." I love her so much, she knows how to calm me and I couldn't be more grateful that I have her in my life.
I do as she says and after taking a second sip of this tasty wine I start.
*Flashback*
This is the third time that I'm calling Matt and he's not answering.
"The caller is unreachable"
Today is supposed to the our 6th anniversary. We decided that we would celebrate it at the cafe that we had our first date in called The Gallery. I hope nothing bad happened with him. Not answering me and not letting me know that he would be late is so out of character for him. For all of the 6 yeas we have been together, he has been perfect. Respetfcul, compassionate, funny, exactly like my dream husband.
I open the Find My app and look up his latest location. I don't usually use this app but Matt said that it would be smarter to see each other's location all the time even though his location is off most of the time. I have asked him about it but he always brushed it off, saying that his phone's location doesn't work. It seems that today it works because his last location was at his apartment.
I make my way over there, still trying to reach him through the phone. Maybe he just fell asleep? It would be a first time that this happens but considering how much he's been doing overtime lately, I wouldn't put it past him.
The corridor leading to his door is unusually dark and cold. I'm not a psychic or anything but I feel different energies. And this energy here? I don't like it.
Keys in hand I make my way over to his door, knocking on it for a few times without getting an answer. Seems I just have to step inside. Matt doesn't like it when I come over unannounced, I learned my lesson when he made me wait outside for 20 minutes because his apartment was a mess when I tried to suprise him on his birthday. I have always assured him that I don't care about how messy his apartment is but he says that he wants to always seem clean in my eyes. I understand him and appreciate it.
The apartment is quiet but I can hear faint music coming from his bedroom. The door to his bedroom is the one on the most right, as I walk towards it, I feel this heavy feeling in my chest. Am I dying? Now, out of all times?
I open the bedroom door and I realize the heavy feeling in chest isn't gonna kill me but the sight before me is. Matt is laying on his bed, blindfolded and her blonde, petite coworker is pleasuring herself on him. I have seen her before, she seemed suspicious to me because Matt's coworkers consist of mostly man. She's one of the few, if not the only female person at their company. Who wants to work with only man? Not me for sure. She hears me open the door and turns her head towards me smirking.
Oh my god, I think I'm gonna throw up.
"So I just ran out of there and left him a message that we need to break up." I finish the story and my third glass of wine.
Martha is furious but even so she pours me another glass with trembling hands. Speaking to someone really helped me see this from a new light.
"I knew he was suspicious, Oh how I hate this man. Can we go to his apartment and fill t with ants or maybe put a rotten egg in his car. And then-" I stop her rambling with a chuckle. "Why are you angrier than I am?" She might seem like an angel but actually she's a little devil.
"Angie, I don't understand how you can be so calm right now. If I was you, I would've snatched thatt how from the hair and then I would have slapped that Matt in the face until I felt better." She fumes.
It's a curse and a blessing to be like I am. I feel very strongly but after some time I don't care anymore. Life happens and you have to go on.
"It wouldn't have helped anything. It was better to just run away" I give my opinion. Even if I seem calm on the outside, I am dying inside.
How could he. Did these 6 years mean nothing to him. Was I not giving enough attention to him. Did he get tired of me. All these thoughts fill my head. I hate how something can mess everything up. You confidence, your life, your trust, your future.
"If you want to run away from this situation then you should atleast get revenge. Find someone new and show Matt that he was no one to you." Martha adds wisely.
Even if I wanted I couldn't. I trust a very few people and it takes me a lot of time to open up to someone, especially in the intimate sense.
"You know I can't." I look at Martha. Whatever she sees there, makes her hopeful smile fall.
"Well, you know. We could always just go clubbing. You don't have to find someone, but you haven't been to a club because of that nasty, slimy creature you can't even call a man." Martha almost spits the end of the sentence out. It's true, when we were in a relathionship, Matt didn't like me clubbing, even though I love dancing and the energy going out gives me. Now I understand that keeping myself from doing things just because he didn't like it was a waste of time.
"Maybe some other day. Right now I just want to rest and eat more of these pastries." I sigh, stuffing my mouth full of the last pastry.
The rest of the evening was filled with more wine, pastries and Martha explaining everything about her new recipes she was thinking of adding to he cookbook. She did everything to make me stop thinking about Matt and to be honest with you, it worked too well.
Next morning was tough. Not because of what happened the last day but because of the wine.
"I think I drank too much." I grumble while stepping into the kitchen and filling my mug with hot coffee.
Martha just laughs at my state and that earns her a eyeroll from me. "I think you drank the whole bottle by yourself yesterday. I just got one glass out of it."
This piece of information makes me groan. I hate hangovers, especially on a work day.
"Whatever, I'm gonna take a shower. I feel like shit." The shower cured most of this pounding headache and I hoped that coffee and breakfast will get rid of the remaining hangover.
After doing my skincare, makeup and putting on my most casual work outfit - black pants and a slim-tight, creamy turtleneck, I make my way back to the kitchen where Martha has already finished making breakfast.
"I started thinking, maybe you should find yourself a werewolf." Martha says after taking a bite of her egg sandwich.
"Yeah, right. Like there are any werewolves to choose from" Her and her obsession with werewolves is getting out of hand. I might be the one to blame, I introduced her to the fantasy novels after all. But there's no way that there are werewolves in this world.
"After Matt, I would rather not deal with anyone, werewolf or not" I add while finding a taxi for myself.
"In my opinion you just need a man who can take care of all of you and give you all that Matt couldn't, especially in the bedroom" She chuckles.
She isn't wrong. From the beginning from our relationship, Matt was very vanilla in the bedroom. I wanted more but he didn't like it, so I just accepted his preferences and after some time I got used to the monotonous sex.
*Your taxi is arriving in 2 minutes*
"I'll see you in the evening, I have to run, okay?" I say while rising from my seat.
"Okay, but if you see any werewolves running around on the streets then don't forget to have some fun." She wiggles her eyebrows like a crazy person.
Sometimes she makes me laugh with her weirdness. "Yeah, will do, boss." I laugh and step out into the world.