They say your life flashes before your eyes right before death.
They lied.
All I saw was a giant spreadsheet and the words:
"ERROR: Missing Value in Cell D4."
And then darkness.
One moment I was hunched over my crusty laptop at 3:57 a.m., desperately trying to find new materials for beating my meat.
The thing about being an avid gooner is that, after a while , you become insensitive to the material you goon to.
So you need something that is a little bit more exciting.
I was browsing through porn sites, hentai,doujin,furry porn you name it.
The next, I was standing in a blinding white void, barefoot, confused, and — oh great — still wearing my anime hoodie.
Was this heaven? Hell? Limbo?
A bell dinged somewhere above my head, like I had just entered a convenience store.
"Welcome, Soul #9,387,112. Please select your reincarnation bonus."
A glowing menu appeared in front of me, floating mid-air like a video game screen. Five options shimmered in gold letters:
[Overpowered Magic Sword]
[System Interface]
[Unmatched Handsomeness]
[Memory of All Your Past Lives]
A Chicken (sentient)
"What the hell is this?" I muttered.
"This is your Isekai Bonus Selection," said a soothing voice. "Due to your untimely and mildly embarrassing death, you qualify for one cheat skill upon reincarnation."
I blinked. "Wait—are you serious?"
"As a heart attack. Speaking of which, that's what killed you."
"…No. I died masturbating".
"Exactly."
I rubbed my face. This had to be a dream. Or a those stupid fucking prank influencers.
I eyed the menu again.
Unmatched handsomeness? Yeah!
Magic sword? Tempting.
System Interface? Classic.
Memories of past lives? Useless.
Chicken? …Kind of curious.
"What kind of chicken are we talking here?"
"Sentient. Speaks fluent sarcasm. Also lays bombs."
"…Okay, Basically an angry bird."
Before I could decide, the voice spoke again, more urgent now.
"Please choose quickly. Reincarnation queues are backed up due to a mass ogre stampede in Realm 27."
"Alright, alright! I pick… the System Interface!"
"Selection confirmed. You will be reincarnated in Elandris, a Class-D Fantasy World with moderate danger levels, unstable politics, and decent food."
"Wait, what—"
"Good luck, Hero. Try not to die this time."
Before I could protest, the world around me started to blur
Colors exploded. My feet started tingling. My stomach churned, like i will let all the acid out. I screamed.
And just like that,
I woke up.
In a field.
Naked.
Next to a dead goblin.
The hell was i doing with it????
With a glowing blue screen hovering over my head that said:
[SYSTEM ACTIVATED]
Welcome, [Level 1: Unclothed Idiot].
Quest: Find Pants. Reward: Dignity.
And thus began my second life — full of monsters, magic, and poor life choices.
I can already tell I'm going to die again.
But maybe this time, after I find some pants.