A week since I shelved my "genius" plan and went back to basics: grind levels, pump stats, stop being the human equivalent of damp cardboard. I pulled off the impossible—every morning I do calisthenics and go for a run. I know, heroic. I also try to feel chakra every day, but so far it's like trying to grab smoke with oven mitts. Elemental affinity training? Also on the menu. It's slow, boring, and about as sexy as taxes. I keep doing it anyway.
The big experiment, though, was the Deep Shadow Plane. Spoiler: it loves me back the way wolves love sheep.
First, the sink time. To fully submerge, I need forty-five freaking seconds. That's a lifetime in a fight; I'll be kebabed six different ways before my ankles fade. The optimist in me (bound, gagged, locked in a trunk) says the time will drop as the skill levels.
Then there's the local wildlife. Imagine a shark that got drunk, mated with a squid, and evolved in a haunted closet. Long streamlined body, stretched-out head, and a mouth with three rows of fangs—enough to make a T-rex cry into his pillow. Around two and a half meters long, slick-looking skin, and instead of fins or a tail: tufts of writhing tentacles. Absolutely adorable, if your idea of a pet is "industrial blender with hunger issues."
Ten minutes into my first stroll, one of those cuties tried to turn me into sashimi. I bailed. Fast.
Still, the skill is too damn promising to drop. With Observation and Stealth refusing to unlock, Shadow Dive is my only real stealth tech. I kept testing. And I learned things.
Rule 1: Five minutes safe time. After that, within one to two minutes, the locals find you. And they try to eat you.
Rule 2: Don't reuse the same shadow too soon. They camp your exit. Yes, even the eldritch calamari have gamer instincts.
Case in point: I felt one closing in, popped out, waited half an hour, then dove back into the same shadow like an idiot. Came up nostrils-to-maw with the same beast. Escaped by a miracle and speed I didn't know I had.
System: Stat Change
LCK +1 — You survived a bad decision.
On the bright side, I dinged the skill.
System: Skill Leveled!
Shadow Dive — Lv.3
Sink Time: 45s → 43s
Orientation: Slightly less "where the hell am I"
Speaking of orientation: the Shadow Plane doesn't do up or down. It's like falling sideways through a ripped curtain. Shadows there look like tears floating in a void, arranged by a drunk god. You can submerge under your own roof and pop out of a tear three meters "away"… only to find yourself on the far edge of the village in the real world. Spatial logic took a vacation and didn't leave a note.
I'm getting better, though. At level one I was lost like a goldfish at a book club. Now I land close to my target three times out of ten. Not great. But not "hello, wrong country," either.
Stats ticked up, too.
System: Stat Changes
INTUITION +2WILLPOWER +1Darkness Affinity +0.15%
Other elements? Trash results. I spent hours in the river daily—swimming till my limbs burned—then baked on the bank, meditating under full sun like a rotisserie chicken. Outcome: a nice tan and a deep appreciation for sunscreen. No wind, water, earth, or light gains. Just crispy skin.
Training got interrupted by the true final boss: Bureaucracy. I needed to collect my welfare. Spent over an hour in line just to be told I had to get a "proof I am me" slip from another office, who then sent me to the orphanage for confirming documents. I sprinted around all day, but I did get paid. If it's always like this, I'll starve on principle next time.
Along with the money, they handed me meal coupons for Ichiraku. Curiosity + free food = inevitable. I went. The ramen? Damn good. Fine—obscenely good, especially compared to my usual menu: instant noodles, rice cooked eight different ways (working on a ninth), and spices to pretend that counts as variety. In joy, I inhaled three bowls.
One thing bugged me: the owner was too nice. Friendly smile, asking about my life, dreams, future job… like a talk show host who actually cares. I checked Reputation to calibrate.
System: Reputation
Teuchi Ichiraku — Neutral (0)Perks: None. Freebies: Somehow yes.Notes: This makes no sense.
Neutral means he should barely notice me. Meanwhile, he's playing best friend and comping extras. Suspicious? Hell yes. I even considered if he was spiking the broth—but the System showed no debuffs. I thought about avoiding the place, then remembered the sacred creed: free stuff is holy. Decision made. I'll eat the noodles and the paranoia.
Probably the Third pulled strings so the jinchūriki doesn't starve and go feral from universal hate. Cute. That works on canon Naruto. I'm not canon. I'm not chasing this village's validation like a dog after a car.
Next: I finally picked a test site for my Illusion Barrier—the sewers. In every RPG ever, rats are tutorial mobs—level 1 to 5. I'm level 4, with zero offensive skills and zero weapons. Rats I can kick to death? Perfect. Easy EXP, starter loot, momentum.
I found the spot: an open manhole in a dark alley. Time to activate the barrier… except I didn't actually know the command.
"Illusion Barrier, activate."
Nothing.
"Illusion Barrier, open."
Nada.
"Illusion Barrier, work."
Now I felt like an idiot. Ten more tries and thirty minutes of creative swearing later, still no dice.
"System, for f—'s sake, activate the barrier. Have a heart."
Request: Invalid.Note: Conscience cannot be physically possessed. You are, however, eminently possessable. Being immaterial has perks.
"You've gotta be kidding me. I'm owed an illusion barrier. It's in the damn manual."
Are you dissatisfied with Player System v.T-3000?
"Very."
Would you like to summon a System Administrator to file a complaint?
"Oh, hell yes."
Are you sure you want to summon a System Administrator?
"I, Unfathomable Something, of sound mind and sober memory, wish to summon the System Administrator."
Confirm / Cancel
"Smells like a last will and testament. Not falling for it. …Confirm."
Request accepted…Processing…Activating Protocol 666.666 "Summon System Administrator."
"…My recently boosted intuition says all those sixes are bad news."
System Administrator "Evangelist" Hapsael arriving in 90… 89…
"CANCEL! Abort, nope, don't—"
78… 77…
"Cancel, you glitchy sack of %$#@ and &^%$, I swear I'll—"
45… 44…
"Look, I was wrong, okay? I'll be good. Just cancel."
25… 24…
"System, baby, please. Cancel?"
Are you sure you want to abort the Summon?
"Yes yes yes yes."
Absolutely sure? If canceled, future summons will be impossible, and this world will be closed to the Administrator.
"YES. Also the glowing pink summoning circle half a meter from my toes is making me rethink my entire life."
9… 8…
Abort Summon:
NO
no
probably not
Yes, let him come
yes
"What the… fine, yes."
Summon Aborted.
"Whew." I wiped sweat watching the circle gutter out.
Ta-daaaa. Attention!!!
System: Quest Failed — Top Secret Global Quest
"Love & Peace across the Shinobi Lands."Objective: Summon Hapsael into this world.Reward: A harem of the most beautiful adult kunoichi from all Five Great Villages, the collapse of all Akatsuki plans, 100 years of peace, +100 Levels, +150 Skill Points.Penalty/Refusal: Do everything yourself.
"Uh—""Hapsael, baby, come back!"
Somewhere Unknown
"MMMMM! Someone's calling me! I'm coming, darliiing!"
World № 166484FF9879G-151654P12Neighboring reality to one not-very-lucky, not-very-bright Player.
"Idiot. Illiterate. That's your 'frog'?""Shut up, it's got legs.""Genius, it's still a tadpole. Try again."
pfff—
"MMMMMMMMMAAAA! Found you."
"…""OOOH! WHAT CUTIES! COME TO DADDY!"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"