Tomiko surprised me a lot, nothing to say really.
Mesmerized, I stretched out my hand to her tail, but she withdrew it and wagged a clawed finger at me, grinning out of the corner of her lips.
"Wait til you grow your own, it's rude! At least rude! And overall it's equal to flirting!"
"That is, you knew all this time that I ..." I resolved to ask, but did not finish, because I was scared to the point of dry throat that maybe our friendship wasn't even real.
After all, it saved me in many ways from a complete inner fuckery, to be honest. She always ignored my oddities and gave me this ease of connection that no one else provided.
And now I knew why.
"Yes," she shrugged her shoulders and somehow even smiled with relief, but she clearly did not like my facial expression, and grabbed my palm. "What's that, Izzy? It doesn't mean that someone compelled me to deal with you directly! One of the less experienced ones screwed up when she tried to save you, and therefore the result of the reincarnation ritual, which was made by a certain fox for herself, clung to you. It's inwoven in it that the transfer is made to the female body. Well, since in this world you were lucky to get into a uniquely gifted body, I decided not simply to follow you from a distance, but also to try and establish contact in advance. No malicious intent! And somehow this eternal skepticism of yours did not inspire revelations, along with the power that you cannot really test yourself. The magic in this world is very much weak."
"Excuses!" I rejected what she said with all my soul, shaking my head in denial. "I'm a fucking isekai of sorts, I would believe any bullshit, because I remember my past life! And this one was described there! As if I wasn't here!"
Tomiko's lips curled into rather excited exclamation "Ooh!" and her eyebrows crept up on her forehead. So I sighed and blew her off.
"I don't know the canon. Only that these Kakalens are somehow involved in it, and the original Bella Swan should have interested Edua... Edoga... well, this copperhead. Something about "your blood is my cocaine," and all that. I don't know the plot."
She started laughing softly, hiding it with her little fist, but each look at my irritated expression caused her to have an even bigger burst of laughter. I was very much not impressed.
"Just to think, he probably seriously fucked her up, so that it could be possible to jam her real reactions," she finally said, but caught herself when I squinted at her odd slip. "It doesn't matter."
"It matters! What do you mean, jam reactions? And don't lie to me, Tomiko. You've just explained that this reincarnation with memories was made as if I were a kitsune due to the fact that the ritual was conducted by a not too competent girl. Anyway, that's what you called her, though I very seriously doubt that someone incompetent is capable of such a thing..."
"I... I didn't mean to lie," Tomiko interrupted me, exhaled and began nervously twisting her fingers, while avoiding my gaze. "But just look at me, lied right after promising not to. It's me. I performed that ritual, I made you reincarnate. I'm just ashamed that I made such a mistake."
"I don't understand why?"
She stunned me even more, but even through this shock, I did not forget what I asked before, what had alerted me in the info she gave me.
"And you still haven't answered my question." I continued.
"What do you want me to say?"
She looked into my eyes with a forced expression and took a step forward.
"You saved my life, and we foxes believe in Fate and non-random accidents, so I wanted to at least talk to you. But I didn't even have time to say a word, as you died! People are so fragile! I panicked! Do you know about the concept of kindred spirits?" she wasn't really making it clearer, was she?
"Yes, I know, I despise, I don't understand, I don't care," I listed the feelings involved and added. "Soulmates are romantic nonsense."
"If we talk about all kinds of stupid dramas, then yes," she shrugged, but then she covered my hands with her own and finished tensely. "And when it comes to magic, it's a matter of compatibility. And you, even as an ordinary human, were compatible with our magic, you could become a father to new kitsune. I panicked," she repeated. "And I asked the Elder for a ritual of reincarnation, but did not specify for whom."
"And after, everything was as you told me. There was a condition for reincarnation into a female body, because the elder fox who provided the ritual assumed that you were covering your bases, or something," I smiled and got out of her hands. "To be honest, I don't really know what to feel. On the one hand, this life was to some extent calmer and more productive than my previous one. On the other hand, you became my best friend and lied at the same time."
"But I'm here to correct my mistakes!" Tomiko said forcefully. "Do you understand that kitsune are highly spiritual entities?"
"Uh, yeah?" I shrugged in bewilderment and leaned back on the bed. My head was starting to ache, and my leg was sore. "What does this have to do with me? I am human."
"Not exactly," she shook her head and smiled so very fox-like, the way she always smiled, but I never attached much importance to it. "I got involved in something we haven't gotten involved in for millennia. You do realize that you didn't kill Isabella Swan by showing up here, right?"
"Uh, not really, no," I frowned and rested my chin on my palm. "I am me, and that girl from the story about the ghouls sparkling in the sun is that girl."
"The soul is a multi-layered structure," Tomiko patiently began to explain, although I could see that it was obvious to her, and how her eyes bulged at me when she realized that I really think I killed the child when I got here. "And no, you didn't kill anyone, and I didn't kill anyone when I sent you to reincarnate. The layer of the soul that goes for consciousness is only a part of the soul that develops only with the nurturing of sentience in the environment. That is, your soul overlapped with the rest of the spiritual shells that were native to this body, but since there was no consciousness as such yet, this part of the soul merged with yours, but did not have much effect. Quite another thing is that if you get into the body of a person with a past. In practice, the consciousnesses mix and produce something new, but the ritual helps you to be the cornerstone of sorts, so everything's fine."
"Okay," I stopped her. "Let me get this straight. I haven't forgotten about the jamming thing you mentioned, but decided to divert the topic. And about what you got involved in, well, come on, talk, but don't try to get away from it! Did I understand you correctly, and we stay friends? So why do you keep telling me lies, I don't get it? Everything has already been revealed! And I didn't tell you to go fuck yourself, though at first I really wanted to! So why?!"
She decided to hug me to calm me down, because she knew me better than anyone - and it was really infuriating. I couldn't trust her anymore like I used to, but I had to get everything she could tell me out of her. Even if she lies to me again, there will be at least a grain of truth in her noodles of lies.
Tomiko started talking in my ear with that soft tone of hers, soothing and affectionate. It's not the first time she talks to me like this. I should've understood then and there that she was older than she looked, and not to trust so easily, but what's done is done.
"When you used my omamori, it gave you the capacity to temporarily adopt the essence of a real kitsune, strengthened you and partially cured you. It was my precaution so that you wouldn't die when I'm not around. Yes, you will move on somewhere else after that, but how would I find you later without invocation of the Elders? And not that I like talking to them much, really..."
I could tell by her tone that it was quite a pleasure, to talk to them, so I asked a question.
"You really messed up when you saved me, didn't you?"
"Very," she looked me seriously in the eyes and continued the explanation, and I hope it's still honest. "So, we can, as you understand, identify those with whom we combine well. And yes, you still are... You're still right, well, yes, but I'm definitely not into women, I've tried it - it's not my thing. It's not just about reproduction for us, you know. So there are all sorts of foxes, it's quite normal."
"It all depends on who you tried it with!"
I think I even pouted, I couldn't be sure, but she smiled and poked me in the shoulder with such a familiar gesture that almost made me yell at her in frustration, throw the fuck out of this medical ward and then release all my pent up emotions alone.
And I didn't do all those things I wanted because - priorities!
"Simply put," she continued and took my hands again, "you felt that you're right for that vampire girl. It's weird to call them that, but okay."
"Are there other worlds with vampires?" it suddenly dawned on me. "That is, Hellsing? Or Buffy, for instance? Those verses are such a bullshit!"
"Oh, you watched Buffy, I almost forgot," she perked up, tried once again to avoid the explanation and continue with something neutral, but I was vigilant and slapped her on the wrist. "Ah, yes, well, these local vampires can feel something like our bonds, but they attach too much importance to it. And I suspect that if it weren't for the fact that she already has a partner, most likely a husband, she would want you... Uh, well, lust at first sight is the best description, honestly."
"Husband, eh," my tone was calm enough, but Tomiko knew me too well.
And everything that was hidden behind the deliberate calmness of my voice made her grimace.
"Yes, husband," Tomiko poked me in the cheek with her still clawed finger and said admonishingly. "And no, dear, I'm not jealous. It's just that their vampirism, like any other in all the worlds I've been to or know about, cripples the soul. And you are my ward, who is able to become one of the highly spiritual entities in the future. And this is not even while trying very hard! And no eternal life for you until you develop your spiritual entity yourself, even with the help of reincarnations. Free cheese, this vampirism of theirs!"
"You just said that it's okay to feel like this."
I slapped her on the wrist once again and looked at her with displeasure, as if saying that she was overdoing it. But to be honest, I always liked our closeness. Maybe it has an explanation now, yes.
"And that it might be platonic, your feelings are."
"But you're into women!" she exclaimed.
Tomiko looked at me like I was some high grade moron, and I felt like one - because what I sensed thanks to the presence of a vampire lady was clearly not platonic. As much as I would like to convince myself otherwise, yes.
"So, about the jamming thing," she paused, obviously gathering her thoughts, and continued. "Keep in mind that this is just my guess. And keep in mind, I know for sure that vampires here feel the attraction to the spiritual component, just like we do, if it's not about blood. I've been trying to figure this out for almost two decades now, and the Cullens aren't the first vampires I've met. And yes, there are others like us here, because the Inari cult thrives here, as well as on many other Earths. Judging by what you said about blood and cocaine, Bella was his... the local vampires I know call this phenomenon - Cantori."
"Singers," I nodded in understanding, "It's like the blood is singing, or what?"
"Yes. Well, my guess is that he used on the original Bella their vampire dazzling because of this phenomenon.
"Dazzling?" I raised an eyebrow skeptically and asked more. "Well, how do they dazzle? Glittering their spangles too much?"
"For lack of another term, I use the one they came up with themselves," Tomiko replied with evident displeasure. "And yes, their appearance helps, they actually blind their victims so that they don't notice that death is near. It doesn't work on us."
"You've been saying 'us' and 'our' for the umpteenth time," I interrupted her. "I'm not kitsune."
"Not kitsune yet," she slapped me on the back of the head, accompanying it with a smirk. "Don't interrupt your elders. And you're very close to a breakthrough. According to my calculations, you should have started managing this power of yours... in the next couple of months or so. Not without the help of my omamori-charm, of course."
"If you're talking about what I'm thinking," I hesitated and confessed. "I actually could strengthen myself even before we met, I trained it and thought it was like... The result of reincarnation? Do you think I could've broken the legs of those adult guys if I couldn't strengthen my punches? It's enough, of course, for a short time - it starts to hurt me back. But usually it's enough. It feels like a kind of shield in the place where the blow falls. Only without any recoil, which is real good."
"I mean how," she rubbed her forehead dumbfounded. "You've already achieved the breakthrough, it turns out?"
"Yes, but I'm not some moron. If I wasn't invited to any local Hogwarts, then it's better to live as it is, right? I'm not some kind of adrenaline maniac."
"Well, let's assume that I miscalculated." Her thoughtful gaze turned somewhere inward, probably an existential crisis, but I pulled her back and she returned to herself.
"Let's move on," I urged her, "or else these ghouls will somehow interrupt, I won't be surprised. Luck is such a thing... And you'll be pleased you got rid of my questions."
"They won't," she shook her head. "I've already told you that the younger Cullens pay too much attention to your girlfriend. I don't know what it's all about, but I think she's too taken with this Edward. We should probably do something about it."
"You don't sound like you care," I grunted. "And in light of what you've told me here, is it worth delving in at all? You're saying that I can accumulate spiritual powers to become a real kitsune, right? The point is reincarnation..."
"Yes, and like the cherry on top, you know, you can become the same sex you were! We are spiritual entities. I can grow not only a tail, if anything. And I'm only three hundred years old! It's just, well, do I really need it?
I rapidly blinked at such news, and tears began to gather in the corners of my eyes all on their own.
"Gods, what kind of bitch are you, could you started with that?"
I muttered wearily and hoarsely, staring into her eyes, and hope flared up in my chest, damaged by indignation, and I couldn't stop talking.
"Don't you understand how terrible it is when even tactile strap-ons haven't been invented yet?! I don't give a shit about menstruation and breast growth. Fuck the fact that half of the people on Earth consider what I do in my bed to be a perversion, and will be glad to tell me about it in a tone ranging from "poor sick girl" to "die fucking bitch". Dun! Giva! Fuck! I got used to this fucking female body in everything, I made it my own, but only, bitch, not in this! Try, you bitch, fuck someone with a dick, cum, and then switch to some oral caresses and fingers. Fuck. I even thought about changing the gender when I realized how differently women are treated, though in the past world I didn't even think of things like these. And you've been living all this time, almost two, you fucking bitch, decades studying the world, wow, what a Dora the Explorer you are..."
"Calm down, O-Inari-kami-sama, what's got you so bad..."
"Yes, you are definitely not a human, but a fox," I said, dejectedly. "Do you have any idea how crazy I've felt?"
"You're emotionally like stone, Izzy, how would I know," Tomiko sighed and suddenly angrily exhaled a whole monologue, I'd say. "I shouldn't have saved you, but I responded to the kindness with kindness. You don't remember your own death much because it's too traumatic, and that's thanks to me. And I asked you, right before you stopped breathing, if you're willing to be saved."
"Of course I agreed. I love life too much," I drooped, cleared my throat and said, "I'm sorry for this outburst of negativity, I... saved it all up for a long time."
"I gotcha," She rubbed my forearm in a gesture of support and smiled at me in response to the puzzled look. "So, do you understand? Will you stay here and live in a body that you don't like, with a soul that is gradually rotting under the eternal shell, along with this vampire girl? Or will you go further after death in this world to eventually become something more?"
"And where is the choice here?" I asked an equally rhetorical question, and as usual, we began to smile at each other, being on the same wavelength.
"That's what I'm talking about."
She removed her fox tail - it dissolved into sparks, and I looked at it with my breath caught by the obvious demonstration of magic, once again impressed and dumbfounded.
"Such a choice, it seems like there's none."