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### **The Art of Procrastinating Armageddon**
Three weeks had passed since I doomed humanity, and I still hadn't decided on my third wish. Janno floated behind me as I browsed a luxury watch store in Tokyo, his translucent arms crossed.
**Janno:** "Let me get this straight—you're *stress-shopping* while the apocalypse clock ticks down?"
**Me, examining a Rolex:** "I prefer to call it 'retail therapy for the soon-to-be-post-apocalyptic.'"
I tapped my temple. "Status panel."
The blue screen flickered:
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**APOCALYPSE COUNTDOWN:** 61 days, 14:22:09
**CURRENT LOCATION:** Ginza, Tokyo
**ILL-GOTTEN GAINS:**
- ₱4.3 million (time-stolen from various banks)
- 17 luxury watches
- 1 authentic samurai sword (regrettable impulse buy)
**MORAL COMPASS:**
- Officially broken
- Last seen in Manila Bay
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Janno sighed. "You realize when the zombies come, money won't matter, right?"
**Me, slipping the Rolex into my pocket during a time-stop:** "Wrong. *After* society collapses, this'll trade for, like, three cans of beans and a shotgun."
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### **The Ethics of Pre-Apocalyptic Larceny**
Over six weeks, I perfected my routine:
1. **Time-stop in a bank vault** (12 seconds is *just* enough to stuff a duffel bag)
2. **Withdraw "Ron's Apocalypse Fund"** (No withdrawal slips needed when time is frozen)
3. **Repeat in a new country** (Pro tip: Swiss banks are *disappointingly* easy)
The weirdest part? No guilt. When you've got divine permission to end the world, petty theft feels like... creative accounting.
**Janno, watching me loot a Parisian jeweler:** "You've become a *monster*."
**Me, pocketing a diamond necklace:** "Correction—a *well-dressed* monster."
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### **Global Misadventures (Now with 100% More Time Crimes)**
**Tokyo:**
- Paused time in a sushi restaurant to steal the chef's knife skills (failed)
- Accidentally froze a sumo match mid-bout (the look on their faces: *priceless*)
**Paris:**
- "Borrowed" a Lamborghini for 12-second joyrides (time-stop makes traffic laws *optional*)
- Ate macarons at the Louvre *on* the Mona Lisa (she judges you *less* when frozen)
**New York:**
- Robbed a bank across from the NYPD (left a note: *"Sorry, future zombie food!"*)
- Tried to time-stop a rat—it *kept moving* (concerning...)
**Bangkok:**
- Got a tattoo that says *"World's Okayest Apocalypse Architect"* in Thai
- Janno facepalmed so hard he phased through a temple
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### **The Bizarre Normalcy of Doom Tourism**
By week six, the strangest thing happened: **I got bored.**
**Me, lounging on a Sydney beach:** "Kinda expected more... *urgency* from my final days."
**Janno, building a spectral sandcastle:** "That's the thing about Armageddon—90% waiting, 10% screaming."
I checked my panel:
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**APOCALYPSE COUNTDOWN:** 32 days, 06:11:48
**REGRETS:**
- Not learning to fly a plane
- That tattoo *definitely* says "spicy noodle"
**ACHIEVEMENTS:**
- Stole the Eiffel Tower's light bulb (one single bulb)
- Got banned from 7 countries (without them knowing)
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Then, in a Hong Kong hotel room, it hit me.
**Me, bolting upright:** "Janno. *Third wish.*"
**Janno, spitting out spectral tea:** "Finally! Is it immortality? Invisibility? A—"
**Me, grinning:** "I wish for..."
**TO BE CONTINUED...**
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