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Reverie: forget me not

Ajie_14
7
chs / week
The average realized release rate over the past 30 days is 7 chs / week.
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Synopsis
at the end of his road, one man stares down at the end of his story—or so he believes. Broken by years of silence, loss, and fading identity, he breaks his mirror and prepares to take a step into the void. But before he can let go, the broken mirror fragments in his empty apartment begins to shift. Not in shape, but in memory. In the fractured glass, he sees the boy he used to be—the dreamer, the lover, the fool—and one by one, pieces of his past begin to play out like a cruel film only he can watch. Each reflection is a window into moments he thought he had buried — a first love, a betrayal, the long nights of pretending to be okay, and the slow decay of hope. Told through haunting flashbacks and emotional realism, Reverie is a psychological journey through a life unraveling, where memories become both a lifeline and a torment. As he retraces the pain and wonder of who he once was, he’s forced to confront the question... was it all meaningless, or was there something worth remembering after all? A raw meditation on depression, identity, and the stories we tell ourselves before the end, Reverie is for anyone who’s ever stood in front of a mirror and wondered if they still recognize the person looking back.
Table of contents
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Chapter 1 - Prologue

I cannot fathom the thoughts of a person who sees me. Disgust, anger, joy, sadness. I wonder which one they feel when they see my face smiling at them. This facade of happiness, I forever dedicate to whomever is around, seems to crumple when there is no one around. The love I have for others seems to dissipate whenever I'm alone, I don't know when it started, I don't know why I ended up like this, I am alone, even if I'm surrounded by these "humans". I have been fooling myself so much to the point where I found myself lying about the food I ate this morning just to seem entertaining to others so they won't leave me. Yet even when I do all these actions to be accepted, there always seems to be a barrier that separates me from all the normal people out there. No matter how hard I try I never seem to fit in with what everyone calls normal. 

No amount of loving, no matter what amount of remorse or sympathy I have for others, I seem to always lack for myself. Long are the nights that I stare at the stars and cry, for they seem to be the only ones to notice and know what I am like, even if I myself lost track years ago. 

I seem to look as much as a human as the next person, yet I seem to lack the commitment and joy one has. I have played the games, I have read the books, watched the movies, yet still I relate to no one. Not even 30 years old yet already lacking the will to live, Pathetic, aren't I? 

What else can I utter in order for you to understand the sorrow I feel whenever I see a group of friends laughing and talking about things they like as I forever need to understand that I cannot be a person who can talk about my joys like that, because to be frank, I have none. 

I adjust myself to each person I know, to each person, I have a different favorite, a different personality… And at some point I lost track, I had taken much too many steps forward and when I chose to look back I realized that the steps were no longer there, only then did I realize that every step I took was temporary, the joy, the sadness, the love was something that couldn't be permanent for me, I seem to have changed each step I took forward , and every time I took one step, I lost track of the last. Forever cursed to move forward towards nothing because there is nothing to look back to, yet no destination to look forward to. 

I became much too bitter and untouchable to others, forever craving affection and care yet I shudder at the thought of someone actually caring for me. I have been lost in drought for so long, that even the mere thought of water touching me, has made me shiver and wallow. 

Seemingly, I am always running from something, may it be the past, or the future, or even the present. I seem to always be running. At some point it will catch up to me, the sorrow and pain I will feel when that day comes will be unimaginable, I know, yet I cannot muster the courage to face it head on. I am growing less and less attached to life and If I keep going, I think I'd finally disappear, only then will I know what It's like to be human, for as long as I live I cannot truly be one.