A shiny morning sun dawned upon the crime infested streets of LeGnag City. Within the city itself, a street known as "Sowei Street" housed an apartment complex that was lived by the group of idiots that we will be following on their amazing adventures. This unmagnificent group consisted of:
-Leo, a kid whose only characteristic was that his aunt was a lawyer
-Geo, who appeared in the infamous fanfiction made for tal
-Roufail, who uhh is here because i decided he should be here
-Riox, who has connections…..
The squad was at their some weird apartment being bored as usual, except Riox who was screaming profanities at the neighbors. As the rest of the trio was eating up political propaganda on the tv the air was engulfed in a cold and ominous aura, and before they could realise what was about to happen they heard 3 dreadful knocks on the door. As the knocks were heard the TV went static, the sun suddenly disappeared and the neighbors that riox was screaming at alongside with the rest of the people living in sowei street went quiet. Within a blink of an eye the entire street turned into a ghost town. The squad then approached the door, all of them carrying some random makeshift weapon, and as they reached for the doorhandle and opened the door, they witnessed what may have been the worst sight of them all... IT WAS THE LANDLORD!!!!!!! The squad then froze in horror not knowing what to do, the landlord took the opportunity to tell the kids that rent was due and that they had 48 hours to pay or else they would get evicted. The squad may as well have been in a coma so the landlord didn't wait for a response and just shut the door for them and ran off. The sudden noise made by the door being closed brought the squad back to reality, and as they settled back the sun reappeared and the
neighbors began screaming again.
"THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND 700 FUROS (in-universe euro currency so as to not get copyrighted) IN 48 HOURS?!?!?" Geo exclaimed in terror.
"YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO INVEST OUR LAST 2400 FUROS ON THAT STUPID FANFICTION, I TOLD YOU IT WAS GONNA BE A HORRIBLE MISTAKE" Leo responded.
"Wait, is this why my portion of the money suddenly disappeared????" Roufail asked in response.
'GRRAAAAAAAHH I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED YOUR IRRESPONSIBLE ASS FROM COMMITTING TO THIS" Leo began panicking so much you would think he was frothing from his mouth
Roufail and Geo tried calming Leo down while Riox went back to screaming at the neighbors. As he was calming Leo down, Roufail got an idea…
"GUYS!" Roufail screamed.
"What?" Said Geo in response while holding back Leo from going absolutely feral.
"You know how we keep complaining that this street is pretty much as far away as possible from any sort of interesting spot right?" Roufail said.
"Yeah?" Geo responded.
"And you know that we need money to pay the rent, correct?" Roufail kept on edging us with his idea.
"Holy hell just spit it out man" Geo told Roufail in exhaustion.
"AIGHT, walk with me here, what if we used that dusty ass abandoned place at the corner of the street and turned that into a cafe spot." Roufail finally spat out his plan.
"HOW IN THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET AN ENTIRE CAFE SPOT RUNNING WITHIN A SPAN OF 2 DAYS YOU MORON" Leo finally was able to make out a coherent sentence.
Despite being too busy cursing out the neighbor's entire family tree, Riox was still able to hear the conversation taking place right behind him.
"I KNOW A GUY!!!" Riox instantly stopped arguing with the neighbors.
"Last time you knew a guy you had us stranded in the middle of the pacific ocean." Leo jabbed back at Riox.
"Oh no trust me, I'm no longer in contact with that guy." Riox responded.
"Ok so we're supposed to just entrust you with funding, planning, building and fully operating that crack house within less than 2 hours?" Leo kept on disagreeing with the plan.
"Anything is possible with a simple montage." Riox said in response.
Without being able to utter a single other word, Leo was dragged out of the house by the rest of the squad and together they went on a bunch of different unnamed locations so as to get fake papers that say that the squad hold the ownership of the crack house. Once the paperwork was fabricated the squad parked their car outside the crack house. Once there, Riox got his phone out and called a guy who knows a guy who knows the uncle of some other guy who knows the brother of the former guy who is the grandson of a guy whose sister was a gal who knew al capone. After a long while a bunch of randos arrived with a bunch of construction gear and proceeded to greet Riox. Once everyone was there, Riox climbed on top of the squad's car and gave the "construction guys" some advice.
"ALRIGHT EVERYONE LISTEN UP. FOR THIS TO WORK WE MUST ALL BE ON THE SAME PAGE, TIME IS NOT ON OUR SIDE SO WE MUST BE QUICK AND SWIFT WITH THIS PROJECT, THIS MEANS THAT NO ERRORS ARE ALLOWED. FURTHERMORE THESE OTHER 3 MORONS HERE ARE ALSO ON TOP OF THE COMMAND CHAIN, EVERY COMMAND THEY GIVE IS ABSOLUTE AND SHOULD BE FOLLOWED WITH NO QUESTION…" Riox kept on going with his speech for a little while longer, but did finish it within the hour.
Once Riox finished his speech he jumped from the car onto the ground and ordered the construction workers to begin constructing, not without first kicking out the crackheads that resided within the abandoned place. The next few hours were then spent on fixing up the place, they began by tearing down the rest of the useless mold-ridden building and cleaned it up, putting up some new walls, painting and then decorating everything, the upside to running this whole operation with less than legal conditions was that they didn't need to wait for any fuckass 3rd party company. After about 8 hours of work they were FINALLY able to finish building the cafe, to which they very appropriately named it as "SW Cafe".
"I genuinely cannot believe that this fuckass plan might actually work." Leo exclaimed in a tired but somewhat hopeful attitude.
"See, I told you that the new guy I knew would be much better." Riox gleefully said.
"Well, the spot itself is done, but we need more manpower if we're gonna competently operate this place." Geo said.
"Me and you can go deal with hiring people while Leo and Riox handle the rest of the shop for now, since Leo has an attorney for a relative and Riox has connections i dont think it would be too far out to have them be more or less the lead managers of this operation." Roufail laid out the plan.
"I can agree on that." Geo said.
"Eh sure, whatever gets me to not physically work my ass off for Geo's mistake." Leo decided to roll with it as it was late and had no better plan.
"Why go out putting job application posters when I can just hire some of my goons, they definitely won't complain about the lower pay unlike the average 'law-abiding' citizen. " Riox stated his alternative planning.
"I suppose that's true, but we will still be interviewing them just in case." Leo responded.
"I suppose this is it for today then. Let's head back and get some sleep, we will need it for tomorrow." Geo said while stretching.
The squad then closed the newly built cafe and went back to their apartment to get some sleep. The next day they woke up and noticed that Riox was missing, after searching for him for a total of 2 seconds they decided to go open the cafe so as to not waste more time not getting the money needed to pay the landlord. Once at the cafe they noticed a long ass line right outside the place, they head inside and wouldn't you know it Riox was in there waiting for them.
"YOOOOOO, YOU GUYS ARE HERE!!" Riox was jolly-hopping around the place.
"C'MON WE HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE WE GOTTA GET THE INTERVIEWS OUT OF THE WAY!" Riox pulled everyone to the back of the place where a small office was situated. A few seconds later the first person came in and introduced himself.
"Good morning, my name is L'Gamer." L'Gamer introduced himself.
"Your legal first name is L'?????" Geo asked in absolute distraught after seeing the war crime that was L'Gamer's name.
"What are your strengths, Mr.Gamer" Roufail was now in a professional work attire out of nowhere.
"I uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh can read analog clocks?" L'Gamer stated in a nervous tone.
"HIRED, you'll be taking the clock inspector spot." Riox shouted.
"Since when has that job been a thing?" Leo retarde– uh i mean retorted.
"Since clocks were invented duh." Riox responded with an annoyingly sarcastic attitude.
As L'Gamer walked out the next person came in, and introduced himself.
"Γεια." he exclaimed in a different language
"Is anyone here bilingual?" Geo asked.
"He probably is, so you're hired." Riox said as he hired none other than Michael.
"ΝΑΑΑΑΙΙΙΙ" Michael celebrated over his employment.
"What are we even hiring him for?" Leo
The interviewing process went as well as it could have gone under the circumstances the characters had found themselves in. Despite that, it didn't stop them from encountering some weird individuals…
"I WILL BE MAKING THE COFFEE!!"
"YOU COULDN'T EVEN GET US IN THE TOP 40 IN PUBG YOU AIN'T DOING SHIT"
"AT LEAST I DIDN'T DIE FROM FALL DAMAGE LIKE YOUR BUMASS"
"Who are these guys even?" Leo said while the others kept on arguing in the back.
"Uhh Mihailidisth and Juggernaut" Roufail responded.
"NEXT" Riox shouted while pushing Mihailidisth and Juggernaut out of the room.
"Yo" said EdgeWar MY GOAT.
"I don't remember you, are you some sort of new guy or s-?" Riox tried to ask but before he could even finish his sentence the budget to cover an EdgeWar cameo ran out.
A few seconds later a new guy walks in
"Morning, im Boulis" Boulis said in perfect English 3.
"Hi Boulis" the trio said while Riox was looking at his file.
"What the hell is a hitman doing on a cafe spot?" Riox asked in astonishment looking at the sheer killcount of this individual.
"Hey man, the hitman business isn't always a booming one, becoming one is like a 'shot in the dark' you know." Boulis tried to crack a joke but was immediately kicked out.
After Boulis was kicked out Lop came into the room with a guitar and started playing the amogus theme.
"WAIT WE CAN HIRE HIM AS A GUITARIST TO COME PLAY MUSIC AT NIGHT!" Roufail stated as he got this bright idea.
"That's a good plan, we'll be able to keep the spot running for longer to ensure we get as much money as possible." Leo agreed to the plan
"Well, can't say I don't agree with that so you're hired" Riox also agreed.
After more of this buffoonery everyone was eventually interviewed, the final list of people hired were L'Gamer as a clock inspector, Michael as the guy on the fryer, Lop as the Midnight Musician and Renie was hired as a waiter offscreen. With the interviewing and employment now done, the squad was finally able to open the cafe to the public, and with practically no other remotely interesting "hangout spots" the cafe instantly became a success, drawing in dozens of people right from the get-go. Leo and Geo managing the orders, Renie and Roufail being the waiters, Michael making potatoes with the fryer or sum, Riox in the back office and L'Gamer just intensely looking at the clock without even blinking business was indeed booming, things were going absolutely perfectly, as the day came to an end and as the cafe was ready to be closed the squad took a look at the money they had managed to gather…. A whopping 450 furos. The squad then celebrated over the amount.
"BRO, IF WE GOT THAT AMOUNT OF MONEY JUST THIS AFTERNOON WE WILL DEFINITELY BE ABLE TO GATHER THE AMOUNT OF MONEY NEEDED!!!" Roufail was hopping in excitement all over the place.
"WE'RE FINANCIALLY SET Y'ALL LETSGOOOOO" Geo was also hopping in excitement.
"Need i remind you that you owe us all 600 furos from that fuckass investment?" Leo stopped Geo's excitement in its tracks.
"Awh :(" Geo responded.
"Anyways, let's head back home guys, we're gonna need to open the place early tomorrow, we still need 250 furos to gather and we only have until 2pm to do it" Leo stated.
The squad then locked the place up, leaving L'Gamer alone, still looking at the clock. The next day everyone excitedly woke up very early, got ready and headed straight to the cafe spot.
"Has he even moved since we hired him??" Leo asked worryingly while watching L'Gamer still staring at the clock.
"Eh, who cares, he's doing this job better than anyone ever could have."
As the squad prepared for the cafe opening, Michael walked in, looking a little more devious than usual.
"Mornin Michael." Geo said without even noticing that Michael was acting odd.
"Γεια" Michael responded.
Things went as mundanely as they could have gone, with people coming in, ordering, really it was just the usual stuff.... UNTIL, while Leo and Geo were taking some orders they heard people in the background start screaming and shouting and in disgust, they lean to see whats happening and they see people filming, screaming in terror running all over the place. Kids crying and parents covering their children's faces, like something horrific was happening right behind Leo and Geo. The 2 then turn back and watch as a sight only ever heard from the worst of nightmares unravels right before their eyes...….. MICHAEL HAS SHOVED HIS BALLS IN THE FRYER!!!!!!!! Leo and Geo grab Michael and just try and do something to control the situation, but unfortunately for them it had derailed past the point of control long ago…. The police shortly arrive and arrest Michael for public indecency. The cops do some surface-level background checking and discover all about the SW Cafe's illegal origins so they arrest pretty much everyone and shove them in prison.
"Well…. At least now we won't need to pay for food and rooms right????" Riox tried to alleviate the situation but Leo quickly responds by attacking him.
Geo and Roufail just sit in distraught while L'Gamer is still at the now closed cafe spot looking at the clock…
THE END