"What a rare guest," Asakura teased Hachiman, who was clearly unaccustomed to the Service Club's environment where women outnumbered men: "What brings you here?"
"Just as I said earlier, I need some help," answered Hachiman, who could be considered an outer member of the Magic Club in a sense.
"Ah, no, what I meant is, shouldn't you be on the playground flirting with your dear president at this hour?"
"Lunch break is too short, and the sun at this hour is pretty harsh too," Hikigaya spread his hands: "So going to the playground is out of the question."
"You don't even deny the flirting part..." Yanami couldn't help but jab, then tilted her head, "Ah-re? But I remember Hikigaya-kun joined the tennis club, right? The president of the tennis club seems to be a boy..."
After all, they were classmates, and combined with how Hikigaya seemed to be nourished by gay... cough, I mean frien-♂-ship, as well as belonging to a sports club with a properly exercised body, he didn't seem particularly isolated or gloom-ridden. Aside from still having dead-fish eyes, his presence was much stronger than at the start of the school term, so Yanami actually had somewhat of an impression of him.
"Stop saying such stupid things," Yukino slammed her textbook face down onto the desk—looking like she wasn't done reading it and intended to continue in a bit—and glared sharply at the dead-fish-eyed boy: "Since he is here seeking help from the Service Club, he will naturally be received by my side. Now then, Hikigaya-kun, do you have any troubles?"
"Let me ask first, does Yukinoshita-san know how to play tennis?" Hachiman asked, feeling his evasion rate dropping.
"Rarely meeting a worthy opponent," Yukino raised her chin and declared loudly.
"Feels like you could say that whether you're wonderfully good or terribly bad," Asakura jabbed.
"In fact, I am very good," the girl hummed softly, full of confidence. "If Asakura-kun doesn't play any tricks, I wouldn't mind having a match with you."
Asakura pondered: "Best of seven?"
"One match decides the winner," the girl said with an unfriendly look in her eyes.
"Mm, I can hear that Yukinoshita-san's stamina isn't quite up for it," Hikigaya sighed: "I take back what I said earlier. Asakura, can I count on you?"
Yukino's gaze grew even sharper.
Hachiman felt like thorns were pricking his back.
Hachiman backed down.
"At any rate, let's hear the commission first," Asakura raised his teacup, took a sip, and put on airs: "It's not as if I'd agree right away if you asked me to destroy the world."
"Even though it's a joke, because it feels like you could actually pull it off, it surprisingly gives off a sense of helplessness that doesn't feel like a joke at all..." Hachiman sighed, then immediately asked as if remembering something: "Ah, is it okay for me to say that?"
"It's fine, there are no outsiders in this activity room," Asakura nodded.
You have way too many "insiders".
Hachiman complained in his mind.
Right after that, he suddenly realized that he himself was currently inside the activity room, and instantly turned pale with fright.
What, do I count as an insider too?
"Feels like you're thinking about something very bad," Asakura sharply looked over at Hachiman, who was actually expressionless on the outside but had exceptionally rich inner thoughts.
"No such thing," Hachiman answered with a straight face.
"You'd better not," Asakura set down his teacup, and Asagumo at the side very attentively refilled his water.
Is she some maid from a wealthy family? Hachiman continued to complain in his mind.
"Otherwise..." Asakura uttered a threat.
Hachiman thought nothing of it: "Oh, I'm so scared."
Although he didn't agree with the reality that "good people are destined to be held at gunpoint," fact was fact. He knew very well that Asakura was a good person, so he didn't care about the other's joke-like threat.
"Then I'll have to make a move on Komachi," Asakura continued.
"I beg of you, please don't."
Hachiman completely flipped his attitude from a moment ago, respectfully dropping to a dogeza to beg for mercy.
His younger sister, Komachi, already had a good impression of Asakura before—even though that segment of memory during the Kamisu-cho spiriting away was burned away, the affection level wasn't burned away with it. Coupled with the power-up from the camp trip, Hikigaya was already worried about whether Komachi would be swept off her feet. If the guy took the initiative now, he really had no way to stop his sister from falling into the wolf's mouth.
After all, one could tell from the Magic Club's absurd harem-like state that Asakura, this club president, was clearly no vegetarian.
"Do you have no dignity?" Yukino jabbed at Hikigaya for dropping into a dogeza so easily.
"You don't have a younger sister, do you?" Hachiman responded without hesitation.
Yukino fell silent.
Although she didn't have a younger sister, she had an older sister.
Putting herself in Hachiman's shoes, if Asakura Takuma in front of her declared that he was going to bare his fangs at her sister, her own performance probably wouldn't be any better—and even more depressing was that based on her understanding of her sister, her sister probably wouldn't think there was any problem at all, but rather throw herself at him with joy...
"Alright, stop goofing around. I don't want to spend the entire lunch break performing manzai with you. Speak up, what is it really?" Asakura leaned back against the chair, lightly tapping his fingertips on the desk, speaking with a satisfied face.
"About the Tri-Wizard Tournament, you guys should already know, right?" Hachiman sat up straight, placing both hands on his knees, his expression turning a bit more serious.
"The homeroom teacher of every class definitely brought it up during morning class."
Seeing that Asagumo had no intention of brewing tea for Hachiman, Asakura raised a finger and lightly snapped it. The desk surface in front of Hikigaya glowed slightly, and a small, delicate white porcelain tray appeared out of thin air, holding a few butter cookies and a cup of steaming coffee.
Only then did he raise his hand to signal Hikigaya to continue.
Hachiman stared blankly at the coffee. On the surface of the coffee liquid, there was a chibi latte art of Totsuka Saika—one could only say that the house-elf's hands were ridiculously skilled.
His fingers curled slightly, instantly falling into a dilemma over whether or not he should drink this cup of coffee.
A moment later, he cleared his throat and decided to talk business first.
"For the second part's club matches, the tennis club will also participate—or rather, basically any proper sports club will participate."
"After all, the first part's joint exam only takes the top ten students of each grade, totaling thirty bonus points," Yukino picked up the book face down on the desk again, though she didn't continue reading it, merely stroking the spine of the book unconsciously with her fingers as she spoke calmly, "So for the club matches, at least that number of clubs will participate."
"Ah-re? Then why is it that around the club building, nobody seems to have changed much, as if not many people have received notice of participating?" Yui tilted her head, pressing her finger against her lips, her face filled with confusion.
"That's because the 'Cultural Club' category is different from the 'Sports Club' category; humanities and arts stuff is far too subjective," Asagumo picked up her teacup, took a light sip, and explained to her, "Unless the gap is so huge that even Yanami can tell at a single glance, it's very difficult to convince people based on artistic merit alone."
"Ah?" Yanami, caught in the crossfire, had her mouth stuffed with pastries as she raised her head with puffed cheeks, blinking her eyes blankly.
Prior to this, she had been leaning over the desk, eyeing the butter cookies in front of Hikigaya like a predator.
"But a school like Shuchiin should be able to hire very famous modern artists as judges, right?" Yui rested her chin in both hands, her pink bun hair practically covered in question marks.
"The judges are all hired by Shuchiin, so eight times out of ten, the final result will be Shuchiin crushing Sobu High and the other school anyway. But winning like that looks too ugly, and Shuchiin doesn't want to use that kind of method either, which is why the focus shifted toward sports clubs," Asakura crossed his legs, resting his elbow on the desk, speaking in a relaxed tone as someone who had already gotten the answer from his insider (Chika), "Among cultural clubs, it's likely only big clubs with mature evaluation systems, like the Art Club or the Orchestra Club, that will participate in the Triwizard Tournament."
"Exactly, so to make up the numbers, basically any sports club with a bit of scale will be dragged onto the field, and the tennis club is naturally no exception," Hachiman nodded and summarized, "Now the only problem is... in the tennis club, aside from me and the president, the level of everyone else—"
He paused, brow furrowing slightly, as if searching for an appropriate word. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke out bluntly, "Well, they're all trash."
"Woah, that really is speaking plainly..." Yui covered her mouth, saying in a low voice, "Is it really rotten to that point?"
"We generally call people with bad technique heta (へた ), but people of this level can already play as starters in the Sobu High tennis club," Hachiman said with downcast eyes, full of dissatisfaction, "Fun fact: the Sobu High tennis club participates in the high school national tennis tournament every year."
"Yet we've never heard any news about it... so is it a first-round exit every single time?" Year-one Anon, curled up in the corner hugging her knees, muttered in a low voice.
She lowered her head, quietly complaining in her heart. Speaking of which, Sobu High didn't seem to have a single sport worth showing off in national competitions, nor had any star team from Sobu High ever been broadcast on TV. Did she accidentally transfer to a weakling school?
She glanced at Asakura again and felt that being in a weakling school didn't seem to matter much after all.
"According to Saika—I mean the president, hearing from the previous president—every time the Sobu High representative team goes to the national tournament, the thing they put the most effort into is the trip to buy local souvenirs after getting utterly wrecked by their opponents," Hachiman half-opened his signature dead-fish eyes, his shoulders slumping slightly, his tone flat yet oozing a sense of complete despair with life.
"So Hikigaya-kun wants us to temporarily join the tennis club and compete in place of the original members?" Yukino frowned slightly, her finger lightly tapping the book.
She clearly didn't like this kind of stand-in behavior.
After all, the original intention of the Service Club was to teach a man to fish; even though the Service Club had now been virtually annexed by the Magic Club, her true heart hadn't changed much.
"Ah, it's not quite at that point," Hachiman waved his hand.
"To be honest, whether it's me or President Saika, we were prepared for terrible results right from the start. The tennis club isn't a strong club, and the coach is just an ordinary physical education teacher who happens to know how to play tennis. Not getting a good rank is only natural."
"What I'm dissatisfied with is the attitude of the others in the tennis club," Hachiman clenched his fist, growing serious, a rare trace of emotion entering his eyes, "Even knowing we'll lose, at least we should take practice seriously and not do things half-heartedly. But those third-year seniors, leave aside voluntary extra training, they even miss regular practice days, all while relying on seniority to occupy starter positions. When the president says a few words, they use their senior status to pressure him... to be honest, it pisses me off."
Being together with a bunch of vermin, how could anyone play good tennis!
Although Hachiman didn't say it out loud, that was clearly what he meant.
"With all due respect," Asakura leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk as he looked at Hachiman, "in my impression, you don't seem like the type to ask others for help with this kind of thing. Didn't you try resolving it yourself before?"
"Oh my, Hikigaya-kun is just an ordinary person who is already suppressed by the third-year seniors in the club, so how could he possibly have a way," Yanami quickly set down her dessert, waving her small hands as she spoke up, "Not everyone is like Asakura-kun... well, an oddball."
"If you don't know how to speak, just eat your sushi," Asakura said helplessly.
"Actually, I really did try—as for the specific method, you can just treat it as a self-detonation. In short, the effect was pretty good at first," Hachiman sighed, his shoulders slumping even further, "But even with a weapon of mass destruction, if it's dangling before their eyes every day, people get used to it. Those guys aren't afraid of me anymore, and the original deterrence has completely vanished into thin air."
"Nonsense," Asakura scoffed, tapping his finger lightly on the desk, "Dangerous things are terrifying no matter how common they are. Power outlets are everywhere, but normal people won't go touching them at random. The only reason they got used to you is because you're a good person, and they saw right through that."
"Tch..." Hachiman turned his gaze away, deliberately looking out the window. He was clearly unaccustomed to being called a good person.
However, likely unable to stand Asakura's smug look of 'feeling like he just uttered a grand philosophical quote', Hachiman turned his head back to glance sideways at him and asked again: "Then same as earlier, Asakura, how good is your tennis level actually?"
"Let me put it this way," Asakura puffed out his chest, resting one hand on his hip, thinking with a face full of pride, "Even if it's a world champion standing before me, if he can manage not to wet his pants from fear, I'd consider him impressive."
"Rather than saying your skill is strong, it feels more like a low-class Stand attack..." Hachiman's mouth twitched as he complained in a low voice.
"Shut up! This is the aura of a ruler! Do you understand the aura of a ruler?!" Asakura slammed his hand on the desk, glaring at him as he retorted loudly.
A moment later, realizing he had lost his composure a bit, Asakura resumed his deep and unfathomable front, asking: "So, the real content of the commission is to clean out those vermin, right?"
"Clean out my foot! I want you to properly train (intimidate) them a bit! Even if you can't train them to the point of playing against the Shuchiin tennis club, at least don't let them lose too embarrassingly!"