He was alone. Simply alone.
No "almost," no "temporarily." Complete solitude.
No friends. No interlocutors. No random passersby who could be taken for company.
Only silence that no one disturbs.
The pain stuck in his chest wanted to break free, but remained there. Somewhere deep inside. Motionless. Lurking. He did not release it. And he wasn't going to.
He preferred silence.
It happens like that when there is no one around. No loved one, no friend. Just no one.
This is a common state for closed-off people. Those who say "everything is fine" when everything is falling apart.
They say people are born open. Probably, that's what they call freedom.
When you talk about everything. When you don't hide, aren't embarrassed, don't filter. When you speak your mind, whether about today or last year's pain.
Freedom of feelings. Freedom of words. Freedom to be yourself.
But everything changes when you encounter others. Not "bad" ones, not "enemies." Just people. Harsh. Unfriendly. Or indifferent.
Because not all people are perfect. More precisely, no one is.
But some know how to admit guilt, apologize, understand. And some don't.
That's the whole difference.
If you're unlucky, you close up. Not because you want to. But because it's safer that way.
Some don't change. Don't hear. Don't feel. And unfortunately, there are many like that. You're among them as if inside a wall.
And then you're alone.
Right now, Enua is in this state. Completely alone.
And it doesn't matter who you are, a human or something more. Even gods feel loneliness. Especially when there's no one to hear them.
I knew little about his past. Except for that very war. Against Yahweh and others, but now he is not a warrior. Not a god, but simply someone who is in pain.
He didn't talk about it. And not because he didn't want to. But because there was no one to talk to.
He doesn't even notice I'm in the room.
Has it gone that far?
One thought was clear. Perhaps I am the only one right now who can help him.
He turned around. And I saw emptiness in his eyes. Direct, unblinking.
— I'm sorry… I've been acting very foolishly all this time, it's my mistake.
— I should have understood that it's very hard for you to be alone right now, and I wasn't even by your side.
— Don't blame yourself, it's not your problem, only mine.
— I know you tried in every way to prove my innocence to the others and kept losing, but you continued to fight until the end.
— I really appreciate it, even though we never knew each other in life, but you are the only one with whom I truly enjoyed being.
— This feeling was incomparable to anything, I never experienced anything like it and it's all thanks to you, Aragi… you are an amazing person…
Something tightened inside.
Why is he talking as if I was there?
I wasn't.
But still, it wasn't my pain. His pain was greater. Deeper, heavier.
He lived long before anything I could imagine.
— What are you talking about… I was never there when I was so needed, how could I give you that feeling?
— I was only trying to convince the others of your innocence, yet time after time I failed.
— How could I even be of any use to you?!
I told him everything I felt. Admitted it even to myself.
I am a failure. How many lives have I saved?
That question hung in my head. The answer was silence.
A memory of one girl surfaced. She always saved me.
She was always nearby. Wherever I was. Always with an outstretched hand.
I could rely on her.
But could she rely on me?
We went through a lot. But I couldn't protect her.
She died. In my arms.
I remember her gaze. And her last words.
«I love you»
A confession before death. And even then, I didn't respond.
Does that make me a monster?
I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.
When I snapped out of these thoughts, he was already gone.
And I remembered.
I wanted to ask… was he involved in the murders in the library?