Di never thought he'd actually reach out and grab her hand.
His fingers were cold. His palm, damp with sweat. His heartbeat was so loud, it drowned out the noise of the court.
"He prepared for this moment for so long… How could you reject him like that?"
The words left his mouth before he even realized it.
He didn't know if he was speaking to her, to himself, or to something deeper he couldn't name.
But he did know one thing—he couldn't look right.
He couldn't look toward Jie.
He didn't have the courage.
Because if he saw Jie's face right now—if their eyes met—he would break.
He would melt.
—
That summer, Di thought time might actually stop.
It was the summer of their first year in high school.
Everything felt too bright. Too loud. The wind was warm, but nothing could mask the way hearts shifted beneath school uniforms and long shadows.
That afternoon after cram school, he and Jie walked home together, shoulder to shoulder. The street had emptied a little, and the sun dipped low between buildings.
Suddenly, Jie turned and asked, "Hey, Di. Do you like anyone?"
Di froze.
His whole mind blanked.
He never thought Jie would ask something like that. Not so casually. Not like it was no big deal.
His heart pounded. He scrambled for something—anything—that would sound normal.
So he laughed a little and replied, "Of course I do."
His voice sounded steady. Normal. But inside, he felt like he'd just jumped off a ledge.
Jie leaned in, teasing. "Yeah? Someone I know?"
Di looked away, forcing a shrug. "Not telling."
"Lame," Jie chuckled, giving him a light punch on the arm. "So secretive."
They kept walking. Jie kept talking like nothing had happened. Like that moment had already passed.
But Di was still stuck in it, drowning in it.
That's when they passed the convenience store—and he saw her.
Lan stood in front of the vending machine, coin already in the slot. Her posture was relaxed, but her head tilted slightly, facing their direction.
She hadn't said anything. But she'd heard. He was sure of it.
And then—
Jie raised his hand and called out with that familiar grin, "Hey, Lan. What about you? Do you like anyone?"
He said it casually, playfully, like he always did. But Di was standing right there.
He saw it.
The little crack in Jie's voice. The forced curve in his smile.
He was pretending.
Lan paused for a moment. Then, before she could answer, the machine clunked loudly and dropped the drink.
She bent to pick it up, straightened, and smiled at them—but didn't say a word.
Then she turned and walked away.
Jie just shrugged and changed the subject.
And Di said nothing. He couldn't.
He walked beside Jie, watching their shadows stretch across the pavement. One of them was laughing. The other was silent.
—
Now, back on the court, Di still couldn't bring himself to look at Jie.
His fingers slowly uncurled. Lan had pulled away. And everything went quiet again.
Then came footsteps—quick, uneven.
Di turned just in time to see Jie's back.
He was running. Out of the court. Out of the noise.
Away.
No words. No glance back.
Just gone.
Di stared after him, something sinking deep in his chest.
Something he hadn't let himself name for a long, long time.
He hadn't said those words for Jie's sake.
He'd said them to protect that summer.
That version of the world—where nothing had been said, no lines had been drawn, and everyone could still pretend they didn't know.
If he hadn't lied that day…
If he hadn't reached for her hand today…
Maybe—just maybe—that summer wouldn't have ended.