Chapter 19: The Slime Terror
There was just one thing Nikola could not understand about his new slime.
It wasn't just the fact that it could speak, but also the fact that it wanted to eat everything and everyone.
That wasn't the worst part, though.
It was…
"And I am telling you; purple is not your color!" The smile was currently arguing with the local bard on the man's fashion choices.
Nikola had no idea how that had started, but the bard was already drinking heavily.
The discussion had started with the fact that the slime had called him out on the fact that he dyed his hair just because he didn't get enough attention as a child.
Nikola had never heard of a bigger burn.
"And not to mention," the slime said, as it continued the roasting. "Your voice is too sweet for sad ballads! I think you should just sign yourself up for a temple choir!"
Nikola could not help himself; he chuckled.
The bard's blood shot eyes narrowed on him.
"You think this is funny?" The bard yelled, as he threw a half-smoked cigarette at Nikola. "Take your slime and get lost! I hope some goblin eats you!"
"The truth hurts," the slime told the bard sagely.
The poor man decided that some battles were simply not worth fighting. He stood, paid for his drinks, and then walked out of the tavern.
Some locals say that he signed up for the Adventurer's Guild.
Others, that he really signed himself up in the temple choir.
"Here is your bread!" The innkeeper wore a gas mask over his face. A patron at a table to the left fainted. "I can't make it spicier. It would have refused to rise."
Nikola nodded, taking out his face mask rune and putting it on his face.
The bread with the unholy red pepper changed hands.
Nikola went to make history.
****
Nikola felt lied to.
The Bogard was no normal creature. No small goblin-like thing that could be killed with ease.
It was ten meters tall, fat, and making Nikola doubt in the power of the spicy bread in his hand.
"Brave hero!" By now, Nikola knew how to speak to magical creatures. The goblins had given him plenty of exercise. "I bring you this bread as an offering! I would like to pick berries from the surrounding forest!"
The blob of a monster took the bread, ate it, and then fell to the ground.
"You should run," the slime told Nikola, who was already making plans to feed the Bogard to the goblins.
"And why?" Nikola asked, taking out his shopping bag.
"This thing had enough gases in itself to bring about global warming, just saying," the slime told him, closing the box it was resting in.
Nikola blinked.
An explosion rocked the field.
As Nikola tried to figure out which part of his body didn't hurt, trying to dig himself out of the mincemeat that smelled of vinegar and broken promises, he vowed to get back at the slime for not telling him what was going to happen earlier.
****
Nikola was covered in bandages and healing runes. The goblin tribe was collecting the food.
"You know," Goglina said, as she looked him up and down. "I always knew that you had it in you. To make sure that we never ran out of meat. But, Niki, if you keep on risking your life like this, who is going to vouch for us in court, when one of the goblin students in night school eats someone?"
It told Nikola a lot about his life that he found that a perfectly normal question.
"Sorry," he said, as he tried to make his toes move. Even just a tiny bit.
They were blue.
Just like the rest of him.
"At any rate, you won't be able to do deliveries for the time being," Considering that he didn't know if he could ever walk again, that was a valid point. "I will bring you back to health! You are practically like a brother to me!"
Nikola nodded. He knew that he couldn't put up a resistance anyway.
Him being so mummified that he couldn't even speak without pain.
"But do tell," Goglina continued so, as if Nikola had not nearly died. "Why were you in this field in the first place?"
Nikola wanted to cry. How was he going to tell the alpha female goblin that he was trying to break free from this goblin slavery?
He let out a whimper more at home made by a puppy left out in the rain under a trash bin.
"Ok, you can tell me later," Goglina told him, as she snapped her fingers.
There was a goblin in a white robe, the very same one who had mummified Nikola, rushing their way.
"What is his blood group?" The goblin asked, but Nikola felt that the creature had to do so before it bandaged him, not after.
"AB +," Goglina said. "Which is strange, when one thinks about it, don't you think? He is such a helpful person, but no one can take from his blood."
The goblin doctor nodded.
"It is good that he is trying to give back to the universe," the green man said, before snapping his fingers.
Nikola grew pale when he saw two goblins rushing their way with something that had been used to collect mincemeat or butchered pigs.
Judging by the red stains on it.
"You will be fine," the doctor told him, as he looked at Goglina. "If he doesn't survive the night, I suggest sausages. He is already covered in deluded Unholy Red Pepper."
Nikola let out a whimper. He wanted someone to save him.
Anyone!
"Niki!" Nikola had never been happier to see Marcel in his entire life. "Oh, Niki, what happened?"
Nikola pointed at the Bogard's skull, then at the jar with the red pepper Goglina had taken off him.
"Oh, Niki! I will look after him! He is my soulmate!" Marcel proclaimed as he let his demonic mana into the air.
"Nonsense!" But Goglina was never one to let the opportunity for sausage slip through her fingers. "He is a goblin champion! He will be buried like one, should he die!"
Nikola let out another whimper.
Already haggling with the Spirits Above for his survival.
Only to be put on hold and to hear elevator music playing as Marcel took a threatening step towards Goglina.