(1)
I don't know how long I've been gazing at the same paragraph before Lili notices me not turning the pages or moving at all and waggles her coffee spoon in front of my eyes.
"Are you still reading?" She puts the spoon back into her cocoa and stirs, looking at me.
"Oh. Yeah." I sit up and pull the chair a little closer to the table. "What time is it?"
Lili wakes up the screen. "Almost 3." She's been using this The Greatest Showman poster as her lock screen wallpaper for a while, even though I've begged her many times to change it. I simply can't stand seeing 14:58 covering three-quarters of Hugh Jackman's face.
I stretch and look around, finding the bookstore more packed than 3 hours ago when we came here after lunch. The bookstore isn't far from my mom's place and has been here on the first floor of the mall since high school, at least as far as I can remember. It used to be independent and owned by a middle-aged man with a beard who also sold TV and movie merchandise that was often nowhere to find at any other stores. However, I only bought books for myself. After all, anything else would've been too expensive for a high school student. Now it's been enlarged, refurbished, and become one of the national bookstore chain branches. It's a shame the special merchandise has never been put back on shelves after the store was reopened. The good news is, however, people can come to sit here reading or drinking coffee at the café inside the store. Lili's been working on the third draft of her new novel recently and comes here with me almost every Saturday because she firmly believes that when she rises to worldwide fame one day, this café will "become as well-known as Café de Flore where Ernest Hemingway wrote The Sun Also Rises."
"What were you thinking there?" Lili rests her elbows on the draft, hands cupping her face. I know I can't fool her with some stupid answers like "nothing" every time she looks at me with the I've-already-seen-right-through-you expression on her face.
"I was thinking about names. I mean… who gave you the name?"
"Lili?" She asks with a slight frown. "Why?"
"It just popped into my head when I was reading this…" I look down at my book, pretending I'm pointing at the paragraph that triggered the question.
"When you were reading The Persnickety Story of English Punctuation?" Lili chuckles. "I think it was my mom. Jasmine's her favorite flower. I don't really like my name. It's too common."
"So is mine."
"No. Yours is different." She retorts. "Any name becomes quite special when it's coupled with someone else's." She has seen through me and knows what I was thinking.
"OK. You got me." I guess it's no use acting the fool, so I just clear my throat and change the subject. "Anyway, have I told you I'm gonna go on my second blind date tomorrow?"
"No way!" She sits up abruptly. "Did your mom set you up again?"
"Yeah. She's getting better at this, I guess." I nod.
Lili blows out a sigh and leans back on the chair, arms crossed.
"Did you tell Lee? I thought you guys were…"
"Getting back together? No." Then I correct it to "not yet." Maybe Lili really wants us to; I don't wanna disappoint her. "But I did tell him. Because I'm gonna do it at ACE."
"Seriously? Will that be too weird?" She raises her voice a bit, asking in surprise. "I thought you guys were just kidding when Lee told me about this at the party." She murmurs.
"We were just kidding. But nothing could be weirder than me going on a blind date with a girl. Don't you think so? So I guess, why not?"
"So long as you're OK with it. Sweetheart." Lili leans forward and puts a hand on mine.
"And you know what? I was this close to coming out when mom talked me into accepting the second blind date the other day." I give Lili a wry smile. "I don't think I can keep this up any longer."
"Gosh. What happened? Did you quarrel?"
(2)
I won't call it a quarrel. But yes, we kinda did. I wish we hadn't, though. I have to admit that it was partly because of me getting up on the wrong side of the bed.
Mom used to have the key to my place. But I confiscated the key after I'd weaseled out of going to a dinner party with her by telling her I had to work overtime until very late but got caught binge-watching Game of Thrones only with underpants on in the living room later that day. This, nevertheless, wasn't a big deal at all. I was just worried about being caught doing something else eventually. However, as a result, I was roused up with a start by a loud knock at the door that morning. With my eyes still closed, I really wanted to ask who it was, but my throat apparently needed a little more time to get ready for a brand-new day, so I had to grab my pajama pants from the nightstand and put them on while trying to stand up. My left foot got entangled somehow, so I hopped with the other barefoot all the way from my bedroom to the door to open it.
There she was. Mom was standing by the door, both hands carrying a 12-carton milk box. Lactose-free, I guess. I must say I'm impressed that she always remembers I'm lactose intolerant. Sometimes I even forget the fact until whole milk gives me diarrhea again.
Light brown down jacket, white crinkled blouse inside, hair pulled into a ponytail. But for the milk box, I would've thought she was on her way to work.
"8:30? Seriously?" I shoved my glasses on and caught a glimpse of the clock on the wall. "You do know I've been working night shifts most of the time recently, don't you?"
"Yeah… That's great." She nudged me aside and walked into my living room, putting the box next to the TV stand.
"Great." I muttered under my breath and shut the door.
"I got it at Walmart yesterday. It was on sale." She took off the jacket and took a seat by the dining table, hands tearing open a Walkers Shortbread wrap she'd found among snacks in the small plastic basket on the table. This was new to me because she'd never liked greasy things.
Putting the toothbrush into my mouth, I sat opposite her and mumbled, "Thanks mom. I really appreciate that. But don't you think you're running late for work?" I knew she'd get a cab if she was really running late. I asked primarily because I'd sensed that she must've got something else to tell me.
"It's OK to be a little late." She stuffed a cookie into her mouth. "I'm retiring this year after all. Anyway, do you remember Jing?"
"Who?" That name did ring a bell, but I couldn't remember why I knew it.
"Aunt Linpei's daughter?" Fine. I thought I knew where this was going.
"Aunt Linpei? Wasn't she your coworker like 20 years ago?" I was so astonished that I spat a little foam out. "You are still in touch?"
"Of course we are! We got along really well back then." She seemed really delighted that I still remembered, so there was no need for her to brief me anymore. "So do you remember she wanted to marry her daughter to you?"
Alright. That was too much information to broach. Before I swallowed the foam so that I could argue with her, my sense of rationality had dragged me to the bathroom to rinse my mouth and pushed me back to the chair. "Yes, I remember that now. That happened when I was a second grader! AND!" Mom opened her mouth wanting to say something, so I had to raise my index finger to clarify that I hadn't finished my sentence. "Aunt Linpei said it just because you told her I got an A-minus on a math test! Right? For your information, mom, I've outgrown playing games of make-believe. Don't you think so? Did you not have breakfast or something?"
Seeing her tearing another wrap of cookies, I stood up and walked to the kitchen to get some bread slices and jam for her.
"I know! I'm not playing any games." She wasn't answering my last question. She apparently wasn't here for breakfast. "I was just checking if you still remember Aunt Linpei and the fact that she's got a daughter. And you know what, Jing's grown into such a charming girl. Last time I had dinner with Aunt Linpei and her…"
"You had dinner?" As I worked on untying the packing wire that fastened the bread package tightly, I asked, "Like… when?"
"She was quieter than I'd remembered," She reached out her hand, waiting for some bread and totally ignoring me. "I think I really like her."
"Then you go marry her." I gave her two slices and passed her the strawberry jam.
"What did you say?"
"Oh. You heard me? I thought we were still playing the let's-ignore-what-I-am-saying game."
Mom took the bread and rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I really want you two to meet. You know…"
"Ah. Yeah. And I remember she is like… 3 years older than me?" To stop her from giving me more information I couldn't care less about, I had to mumble something right off the top of my head.
"Do you think 3 years is too much?" She stopped chewing to ask me. "I think that's OK."
"It is OK." I sighed. "Age isn't a problem… at all."
"Then what is your problem?" Mom could be a little aggressive sometimes.
"It's just…" Then I paused, swallowing hard, before "we haven't seen one another since we left our elementary school." Moreover, we were by no means close at the time. To me, she was just a kid from the same school whose mom happened to be a coworker of my mom's and vice versa. We didn't even bother to say anything further than a hello when bumping into each other at school.
"So that's why you guys need a chance to get acquainted!" Mom must've regained enough energy from the bread to be louder.
"Mom, look. Stop that, OK?" She looked confused for a second. Then I continued, "Stop meddling with my life. I'm already turning 30…"
"29."
"Let me finish! You know what? I've even considered leaving for another city where you can never set me up on any stupid blind dates." I regretted my rude words immediately, but I just couldn't resist my anger. "I am your son. Mom. Biologically! Why can't you just… cut me some slack and go make some plans for your retirement?"
"Calm down…" Mom stuffed the slice she was gonna eat back into the package and put her hand on my arm.
"I am calm! And for the last time, don't stream any movies about lonely men dying alone next time I go to your place, or, you have my word, I'll never go there again and die alone at my own place." I coughed before I could finish my last word. Shouldn't have talked too much right after getting up.
Silence then settled between us. Mom's head down as if she was checking the expiration date printed on the bread package; I guessed she hadn't prepared herself for me to react this way.
Mom had me when she was just 21, then she brought me up on her own. Though I have no idea how hard it exactly was for her to raise a kid alone, it was already a demanding job, as far as I can see. So as a kid, I'd always listened to her and tried my best not to let her down. I never dare picture the moment when the façade collapses and my true colors are shown. I mean, I know she's always been a cool mom. When I asked her if I could get a tattoo on my calf at the age of 16, she just told me she wouldn't pay if I wanted to have it removed one day but would send everyone I knew the video of me crying my heart out during the removal procedure. As a result, I had an abstract sun image tattooed on my right calf just above the ankle as planned the day I got my first paycheck. However, when it comes to sexual orientation, I doubt if she's cool enough. Perhaps that's why I get irritated and impatient easily every time the subject is about girlfriends, marriage, or stuff like that.
"Sorry." I murmured. So quietly that she mightn't have heard it if we were on the street.
"Never mind." Mom finally looked up but still tried not to hold eye contact. "Look, I am doing all this for you, only because you are my son. Biologically, if you have to accentuate that. And, what's more, bringing you up is the…"
"Proudest thing I've/you've ever done in my/your life." We chorused.
Mom flashed me a smile and continued, "You'd always been a great boy and I really appreciated that. I know you want to make your own decisions since you're an adult now…"
"Now?"
"I promise," She suddenly gave me a shoulder pat either to assure me or to stop me from questioning, "this will be the last time I meddle with your life. I'm not saying you have to marry her. You just need to go give it a shot and see if you two hit it off. Alright?"
What else could I say then? So I nodded, letting out a heavy sigh, and said, "Fine. Just give me her phone or WeChat number and let me do the rest."
"Attaboy." She beamed, "Sorry we had to talk about this in the morning. But you know moms always tend to care too much, even when their kids are in middle age. It's just human nature. You can't blame them."
"I take your point… Wait a sec. Middle age?"
"I mean early middle age."
"Not helping."
(3)
Lili and I leave the bookstore after she's drained the last of her cocoa. We could've stayed there for a little longer because Lili was determined to finish the third draft today when we got there. But unfortunately, her mind was apparently disturbed by the story of me vs. my mom. So we just decided to call it a day after she had crumpled a couple of pages up into balls and asked me a few questions that were totally irrelevant to her writing. It's colder outside now, and it looks like it's gonna rain very soon.
"Is your DiDi still far from here?" I ask Lili as I wrap the scarf around my neck.
Lili fishes out the phone from her purse, takes a look, and puts it back.
"Still 5 blocks away. About 2 km. The traffic is really bad, though it's not even rush hour yet. So odd." Lili says with a sigh.
"It's Saturday, Lili." I clap a hand on her shoulder, "Rush hour lasts 24 hours."
"Holy shit. How could I forget this?" I turn to look at her with my eyes widening. She seldom curses, at least in front of me, "What? Oh, come on. Another fun fact about me, I'm also a chain smoker. Just don't take a DiDi to ACE tomorrow, OK? And I was kidding, never smoke."
"I will ride a bike." I smile at her.
"You'll get lost."
"I almost did last time." Which is true.
"I knew it." Lili giggles. And then the smile on her face trails off a little, "You know you'll see Lee again tomorrow, right?"
"I sure do."
"Do you think you'll ever feel anything for him again? Not tomorrow, I mean, later on." She asks me tentatively, "I guess I've been talking too much about him today. Sorry." Her voice wavers.
"It's fine. I don't know actually. It's hard to say, especially given what happened at college. You remember that, right?" I turn to look at her, and she nods slightly, "But we broke up… ages ago. It's all water under the bridge."
Lili rests her head lightly on my shoulder without saying anything. Not until this moment do I finally realize we do look like a couple sometimes; no wonder Lili's boyfriend has checked with her hundreds of times whether I'm totally gay.
"Don't worry. If that day does come, I'll try to ask him out again." I almost say it in a faint murmur, but her head springs back abruptly.
"What did you say? Ask him out, again? You asked him out?" She stresses "again," "you," and "him" as theatrically as she can, "Ah… I knew that 'chatting up is never my thing' was just nonsense!"
Oops. Busted.
"I… I… That was different. The man we gossiped about at the party was a total stranger! I asked Lee out because I felt the timing was right." How did she manage to memorize those trivial matters even when she was tipsy?
"I… I… I like the way you stammer." She laughs and then continues, "That was just a little surprising to me. I mean you never asked… anybody out when we were high school students, did you?"
I pause for a second, gazing at her, "Not quite sure about that. I do remember you once helped me though."
"I?" Lili points at herself surprisingly, "Helped you with what? Are you sure it was me? Not Yun?"
"Hey!" I wave at the car which has just pulled over in front of us, flashing its headlights. Then I turn back to her, "Time to go home, girl!"
"Answer me! WHAT DID I DO?" She tries to look at me as I put my hands on her shoulders, pushing her to the car, "Was it about Chenhui?"
"Off you go, girl!" I make out I'm not listening and open the rear door for her, "I'll tell you about the blind date this time tomorrow!"
Having settled back, she rolls down the window and cries, "You are dead meat! Yang!"
"I'm not. Love you!" I make a finger heart to her before the car drives off.
It seems she's totally forgotten that. But how could I?