"This is a disaster!" Mu Lian shouted, slamming a wooden tray on the table. The tray promptly collapsed in protest.
Around the dusty, cracked meeting table sat the senior disciples of the Broken Heaven Sect. Which was to say: three guys who could barely stand, one elderly woman knitting during the meeting, and me—half-asleep and holding a cold dumpling.
Sect Master Grumblebeard blew into a teacup filled with rice wine. "You say that every time someone visits."
"This time, it is serious!" Mu Lian snapped. "The Grand Outer Disciple Tournament is in three days, and we're required to send a representative. If we forfeit again, the other sects will file for Official Dissolution of an Incompetent Order under Sect Code 13-9-B!"
"I thought we bribed the inspector to lose that form."
"We did," she said. "Then he died in a teapot explosion."
"…Ah."
Everyone turned to look at me.
I blinked. "No. Absolutely not."
"You're the strongest disciple we've got," Mu Lian said.
"I've been here a week."
"And you've advanced two whole stages by lying on rocks and dreaming about clouds! That's record-breaking!"
"I also don't know how to fight."
"You destroyed a Tier-3 Construct Dummy."
"With a flick."
She clapped her hands. "Then just flick the other sect's disciples."
"I'm pretty sure that's not how tournaments work."
Grumblebeard took a long sip from his "tea." "It is when nobody reads the rules."
Three Days Later
I stood in the middle of a giant stone arena surrounded by spectators from at least six sects—all bigger, flashier, and way more competent than us. Most of them wore glowing robes, carried spirit weapons, or had mystical beasts purring beside them.
We… brought two chickens and a half-functioning gong.
"Welcome," a booming voice echoed, "to the Grand Outer Disciple Tournament!"
A refined man in azure robes floated mid-air on a sword. Floating. Mid-air. Sword.
I leaned over to Mu Lian. "Can I do that?"
She frowned. "No. You'd probably fall asleep mid-flight."
Fair.
First round. My opponent: a smug, buff cultivator from the Violet Thunder Sect, who introduced himself as Jiang Lei, the Storm Fist Prodigy.
He cracked his knuckles. Lightning sparked from his elbows.
"Prepare yourself," he said dramatically. "I will not go easy on the likes of you."
I nodded, stepped into the arena…
…and sat down cross-legged.
Jiang Lei blinked. "Uh… what are you doing?"
"Channeling the Dao," I said.
He narrowed his eyes. "A trick?"
"No. I'm just tired."
System Alert: Enlightened Nap State Activated
Qi gathering increased by 300% in hostile situations.Skill unlocked: "Delayed Return Palm" — stores kinetic force from incoming attacks to reflect later.You are now classified as 'A Dormant Threat'
I opened my eyes just as Jiang Lei launched himself forward with a punch that sounded like thunder ripping through wet paper.
I rolled to the side.
Barely.
His fist smashed into the stone, sending a shockwave across the arena. The crowd cheered.
I yawned.
He growled and came at me again, faster this time.
I held up my palm… half-heartedly.
BOOM.
He flew backward. Not a push. Not a toss. He spiraled like a ragdoll hurled by divine annoyance, crashing into the outer wall with a satisfying crunch.
Silence.
Then—
"Winner: Kaito of Broken Heaven Sect!"
The crowd erupted in confused applause.
Mu Lian looked like she'd swallowed a porcupine. "What even was that move?!"
I shrugged. "He punched me so hard it looped back on him."
Later That Day
Between matches, I found a nice patch of grass behind the arena and laid down.
A few other disciples passed by, whispering and pointing.
"That's him… the nap fighter."
"I heard he cultivates horizontally!"
"He probably has a secret divine beast… like a sleeping dragon in his shoe or something."
I closed my eyes and smiled.
It was weird being noticed.
In my old life, I worked 10-hour days in a cubicle and no one knew my name. I fixed things quietly. Got blamed loudly. Promotions passed me by like clouds.
But now?
I was literally doing nothing and somehow gaining status.
Maybe this world was insane.
Maybe I just finally fit in.
Second Round: Double Trouble
My next match was against Twin Sisters of Ice and Fire from the Frost Ember Sect. One wielded a flame whip. The other, ice spears. Their teamwork was flawless. Their synchronized poses… dramatic and slightly embarrassing.
I walked into the ring with bed hair and mismatched socks.
They struck first—flames and frost closing in from both sides.
I dropped to the ground. Face first.
System Alert: Extreme Recline State Achieved
Skill unlocked: "Unmoving Tortoise Shell Technique"Incoming elemental damage reduced by 75% while motionless.Bonus: Reflects spiritual intent through passive aura projection.
The crowd gasped as the attacks collided above me and… did nothing.
More importantly, the Twin Sisters stared at each other, confused.
"What—why didn't it work?"
"I—I felt my intent wobble! Like I suddenly didn't care anymore!"
From the ground, I muttered, "That's the Dao of Slack. You hit me with ambition. It rebounded into your self-worth."
They both dropped their weapons and began arguing about their cultivation goals, childhood trauma, and whether flame aesthetics were overrated.
The referee waited five minutes, shrugged, and called the match.
Backstage
Mu Lian stared at me with a complex expression.
"I… don't understand anything anymore."
"That's enlightenment," I said helpfully.
She sighed. "Do you even want to win this tournament?"
"Not really."
"Then why are you still in it?"
I scratched my head. "I dunno. It's kind of peaceful in the eye of the chaos. Also, they gave me a free snack voucher."
"…You're a menace."