~ I open my eyes, somehow, I'm supposed to be blind. I mean i can open my eyes I'm just blind. I have Cataract. I'm lying on a hospital bed, i came here for a Laser Eye Surgery. I think i gained consciousness when i was around 7. And i realize other people don't see like i do. I thought it was blurry for everyone. Nope turns out they can see, actual sharp shapes, defined, certain and not fucking blurry. While everything feels like I'm walking through a fog. I mean back then i could see some stuff, most paintings i saw didn't make a difference to me. But as i got older i feel like there's a fog gripping my eyes day by day.
I realized I'm staring at the lights. My eyes are sensitive enough to recognize it blasting in my eyes. I turned around and wonder what's the hold up. I got sedated a while ago. They said the surgery should last only 30 minutes. I'm awake now and nothing changed. I turned my head to the right side, I'm too weak to move my entire body. The doctors are there...but they're sleeping? All the six doctors are just sleeping around me.
I pushed myself off my elbow and sat on the edge of the bed. I can't tell if my vision got worse or not but one of the doctors looks like he's missing his lower half, literally. I shiver when i realize what I'm looking at.
My senses kicked back in and i notice the unmistakable smell of iron. The whole entire floor was rosed with their blood. There are some on the wall. That doctor is missing his neck, his head is squished on the floor like someone stepped on him. Most of the other doctors have their ribcage ripped open like someone tore into it. You know as i think of all of this i immediately ask myself why am i alive what the fuck happened what the fuck killed them. A big trail of blood that look fresher than the others stepped over the others, walking to the door. I pull my legs off the table and sat in a fetal position as i quickly try to understand what happened.
10 minutes later I'm still stuck on the table, I wanna go down, walk out but I'm just thinking what if whatever that killed the doctors came back in right in that moment. And I'm blind! I won't be able to do shit at all if that thing comes back. 7 minutes later i finally convinced that it can at least walk out the door. I stepped down and felt the blood crawled under my toe to the side of my feet. I cringed as my entire back shivers. I make sure to not step on the dead corpses as i make my way to the door.
I open it, just a little, just enough for see to the corner of the hallway. I can barely make out shit cause everything is either white black blurry or both. I bit my teeth down and open the door a little more, i can't hear SHIT except the sound of the air flowing through the vents. I turned to my right and i can't tell if this is my shadow or not but it's fucking solid. I freeze immediately, it freezes too. I don't even know where should the shadow be since i skipped that part in the grade 3 book that taught me about light and the position of shadows.
"Uhhhhhhhergh Hi?
"Hello?"
★ I'm sitting in the therapist room right now. Mom should already be at home, Dad doesn't visit the therapist with me anymore, he said he's busy. This is my 4th session. My name is Evandore Truman, i was born with a condition that made my skin unnaturally black, i have melanism. I'm as black as the night, literally. I'm black in the blood too but this is a whole entire thing. Growing up i heard many racist comments. It range from "jokes" to straight up hostility. Some neighborhoods would you get you killed just for walking through them. My parents are rich enough to afford a therapist but nothing can change my skin color, i think. I would wish for the racist comments to stop, i literally said i don't wanna hear them anymore, and god took my actual hearing away, slowly. I have a hearing aid, stuff are better now but a whole crowd could still make me go crazy.
"Hello Evandore".
"Hello Doctor" Replied Evandore.
"May i ask if you're ready for today session?".
"...Doctor, may we talk about something else instead today?".
"...Sure".
"There are times I'd be hurt from something, and i thought i get a hug from father, instead he slapped me for tripping down. It shocked me, i don't know if a 6 year old could feel betrayed or not but i think i did. His reason why was because I'm like a girl to him? And that i shouldn't be crying. While the other would be for getting myself hurt. It's not just him, my mother does this too. They told me that it's small, and if i can't take this i won't be able to take anything life throws at me, sometimes i think they're trying to help me but i really can't be happy when they tell me things like this".
"Evandore, first of all what you're saying is that, they would tell you to stop crying and basically man up if you got hurt or something bad happen to you right?"
"Mhm".
I stare at him dead in the eye, if he's like them too I'll just give up and jump off a bridge or something. Cause I'd feel cage if i find the lips of my father and the shunning eyes of my mother no matter where i look and confide in.
"Even though they're paying, I'm not going to be like them. What they're doing is called invalidating, they're invalidating your emotions, your feelings. Basically telling you that you shouldn't feel what you're feeling in that moment. And I think it's really wrong. Really, we should let feelings be feelings. People need to understand that different people have different sensitivity, and there is no shame in it. Well, your parents need to understand. Because 7kg dropped on your foot may not feel like 7kg dropped on them, but i truly believe that if you and your father were wired with the same copper, in the same way, he'd feel what you feel. And even if we don't understand, or i guess i should say, feel the same pain as another would feel, we should respect it".
My eyes are, opened very wide. No seriously I'm imagining a bunch of fingers pulling my eye lids up right now. He's different. He understands me-. A loud thud was heard from the room behind me, then i hear shouts, it turned into screams then into louder ones. I don't know what's happening but i can feel the vibration, it sounds like someone is getting thrown against the wall, repeatedly. The doctor got up and immediately left the room.
"Lock the door Evandore, don't come out until i tell you".
I just nod and locked it as he closed. He looked serious, his face was so relaxed earlier, but now his eyebrows were squinted. A little while later i can barely hear anything, my hearing aid can only do so much. I sat in my chair, i hear footsteps run past the door a few times. Sometimes there will be a thud against the wall. I'd think its the doctor but he didn't say anything so i just freeze and pretend I'm not there. Once the shadow leaves i retreated to the corner of the room.
The tock kept clicking. Half an hour passed already and i didn't see or hear the doctor at all. Nothing from the other room too. Now I'm actually starting to get scared. I tried to call my father but he didn't pick up, nor did my mother. Worse of all the battery is about to die. I wanna call 911 but I'm already in a hospital and i don't know what's actually happening yet. I don't wanna bother my parents.
I got up and left the room after checking the coast was clear. As soon as i stepped out i see this, very very white girl. Like her entire skin was white. It was a bit chalky, sandy? There's still a hint of pink hidden beneath. Her eyes were blurry, she was stunningly beautiful. Her hair was short, like a buzz cut. I never seen anyone like her before. She looks, horrified though, she's like an albino dear in headlights.
"Uhhhhhhergh Hii?". She says.
"Hello".