The crimson-red warning pulsed in my consciousness, a jarring contrast to the peaceful snoring that filled my dungeon.
[A scout has been dispatched to your coordinates. Estimated time of arrival: Soon.]
FaeLina shot towards me like a pink comet, her aura crackling with pure panic.
"A scout from the Blood Pit!" she wailed, her voice several octaves higher than usual. "Mochi, you don't understand! Those dungeons aren't like these clumsy adventurers! They're all spikes and rage and bubbling pools of... blood! They don't make them nap, Mochi, they just stab things until they stop moving!"
That does sound inconvenient, I mused, calmly assessing my situation.
My three adventurer guests were still deep in slumber, generating a steady and delightful stream of Dungeon Points. My Tea Nook stood quiet and serene, with Sloosh the slime waiter patiently wiping a perpetually clean counter.
These were my assets. Comfort, tranquility, and tea. None of them seemed particularly effective against a creature bred for malice.
"You have to buy a real trap!" FaeLina pleaded, gesturing frantically at the store menu only I could see. "Buy the Spike Pit! Buy the Arrow Slit! For the love of all that is sparkly, purchase something pointy!"
I considered it. A spike pit would certainly be effective. It would also be messy, loud, and would ruin the peaceful ambiance I was carefully cultivating. There had to be a better way.
My attention drifted past the lethal options to the other tabs. Monsters. Upgrades.
An idea began to form. A ridiculous, absurd, and therefore perfect idea.
"What are you doing?" FaeLina asked, her voice filled with dread as she saw my DP begin to drain. "Are you looking at the 'plush' category?!"
I ignored her, making my first purchase.
[Upgrade 'Fluffy Moss Patch' to 'Level 2: Field of Tranquil Slumber'? Cost: 50 DP.]
[Confirmation: The Field now has an expanded area and a targeted 'Snooze Pollen' ability.]
The moss patch shimmered and grew, expanding to cover nearly half the main chamber. It seemed to pulse with an even deeper, more calming energy.
"You made the rug... fluffier?!" FaeLina shrieked. "That's your grand plan?!"
Next, I opened the monster menu. I bypassed the "Giant Spider," the "Hungry Ghoul," and the "Very Angry Bat" until I found what I was looking for.
[Summon Monster: 'Sir Crumplebuns' (Mimic - Plush Knight)? Cost: 30 DP.]
[Abilities: Deceptive Cuddliness, Dramatic Knightly Speeches, Surprisingly Strong Hug.]
Confirm.
With a soft poof, a new figure appeared, sitting quietly on one of the tea nook's cushions. It was a plush doll, about two feet tall, stitched to look like a valiant knight in full armor, complete with a floppy fabric sword and a yarn plume on his helmet.
FaeLina stared at the doll, then at me. Her expression was one of profound, soul-crushing disappointment.
"A stuffed toy," she whispered. "You're going to fight a vicious dungeon scout with a fluffier rug and a stuffed toy. We're doomed."
Just then, the entrance alert blared again, sharp and hostile.
[Hostile Intruder Detected!]
The newcomer was nothing like my previous visitors. It was a wiry goblin, clad in scarred black leather and adorned with jagged metal spikes. His eyes, small and cruel, darted around the room, and he held a rusty, saw-toothed dagger in one hand.
He sniffed the air, his nose wrinkling in disgust. "Ugh. Smells like flowers and feelings in here," he snarled. His eyes fell upon the three sleeping adventurers. A greedy, vicious smile spread across his face. "Ooh, easy pickings."
He ignored the moss patch entirely—his mind too full of malice to be swayed by simple comfort—and advanced on the sleeping form of Zazu the elf.
"Not another step, you dastardly fiend!" a new voice boomed, filled with surprising volume and theatrical drama.
The goblin, Griznak, froze. He looked around wildly.
Standing on the tea nook cushion, somehow looking incredibly heroic, was the plush knight, Sir Crumplebuns. He had one soft hand on his fabric sword's hilt.
"You shall not disturb the peaceful slumber of these noble souls!" Sir Crumplebuns declared. "For I am Sir Crumplebuns of the Fluff Guard! Prepare to face justice, you villain!"
Griznak stared for a solid three seconds, utterly bewildered. "A talking doll?" he finally croaked, before bursting into manic laughter. "The Blood Lord is never going to believe this."
He lunged, his rusty dagger aimed straight at the plush knight's chest.
The blade sank in with a soft whump.
And did absolutely nothing.
"Unhand me, you demonic pillow!" Griznak shrieked, finding his dagger arm suddenly trapped in the doll's surprisingly strong, plushy embrace.
"A hug of righteousness shall quell your villainous heart!" Sir Crumplebuns proclaimed, squeezing tighter.
Now, I thought, activating my other new toy.
[Activate 'Snooze Pollen' on target: Griznak.]
From the entire surface of the upgraded moss field, a faint, shimmering cloud of lavender-colored pollen rose into the air. It didn't spread everywhere, but instead drifted in a concentrated stream directly towards the struggling goblin.
Griznak, already trapped and confused, inhaled the pollen. His struggles weakened. His angry eyes glazed over.
"My... my eyes... is getting... sleepy..." he murmured, before his head slumped forward. He went completely limp, unconscious in Sir Crumplebuns' heroic, fluffy hug.
Silence descended upon the chamber.
FaeLina floated beside me, her wings perfectly still. "...That," she stammered, her voice filled with a strange new tone. "...That actually worked."
A triumphant notification filled my vision.
[Hostile Intruder 'Griznak the Scout' neutralized!]
[Bonus DP awarded for 'Creative Non-Lethal Takedown': +100 DP!]
[New Title Unlocked: The Plushy Tactician.]
Sir Crumplebuns, ever the dutiful knight, dragged the unconscious goblin over to an empty spot on the moss field and gently laid him down, before returning to his post on the cushion.
FaeLina stared at the scene: three adventurers and one enemy scout, all sleeping peacefully in my dungeon. She looked at Sir Crumplebuns, then at me.
For the first time, her expression wasn't panic or frustration. It was a look of deep, grudging, and utterly baffled respect.