Ami shifted her gaze from the mountains of tablets still littering the floor to those already occupying their rightful places on the shelves.
A rearrangement was inevitable, which constantly necessitated adjustments. Problematic… But it's much easier when the problem is no longer abstract. It just demands concrete action.
Amelia picked up another flat piece of writing clay… and froze in astonishment.
It's… unbelievable! It was… right… It was the customs inventory Milo was looking for! But… how? Why was it here? How could he have missed it?
Though… it's hardly surprising given the sheer volume of information he was ploughing through. He would be pleased to finally have it.
The Secretary hastily made a move towards the exit… and sprawled flat on the floor, tripping over one of the tablet mounds.
It hit her leg painfully before shattering into pieces across the floor. The tablet she'd been holding flew into the air, performed a dizzying somersault, and crashed hard onto the floor also, likewise exploding into flying fragments.
…Great. Ssssplendid.
It hurt so much.
Ami tried to get up, pulling her legs in, trying to ignore the pain in her bruised knees. Blood began to seep through her drape from a cut on her elbow, nicked by shards.
The Archivist managed to sit up amidst the shattered documents.
…What a bog-rotten mess…
Well. No way Milo would get his document now. So sad.
Or… perhaps he would. If Ami quickly gathered the fragments and found a way to glue them back together.
She sighed heavily and got onto her bloodied hands and knees, intending to start collecting and sorting the shards. She needed to do something about her elbow, really.
A cloth from her bag would be handy to wipe the blood or for gathering the shards. Cloth was needed immediately anyway.
Ami stood up abruptly, leaning against a shelf.
…It… wobbled slightly?
She felt a flicker of panic.
Had that enormous, foundational shelf she'd always thought immovable just wobbled?! Or… was it her world that wobbled?..
The Secretary looked up at the archival shelving unit in horror.
The vibration she made had dislodged the tablets slightly. Some of them hung precariously from their slots. It needed to be fixed immediately before everything here was covered with shards. Milo should know that the…
…shelves seemed tilted? And looming over her…
Or was she so sick of this place that she couldn't help but feel like it was falling apart?
Not only could *she* crash into pieces. She was so sick of it… Either way, she needed to get out of there. Get some fresh air, find a piece of cloth... And Milo.
But before she managed to do anything, tablets began raining down on her head. Shattering with a roar, cracking her skull…
Ami woke with a scream.
…Just… a caravan of nightmares… Again. How to… stop this…
She was sweating cold and breathing heavily.
Her heart seemingly didn't want to participate in this any longer and was trying to escape through her ears or punch through her ribcage.
The ringing in her ears was deafening and occupied all the internal and external space.
…This is what you get. This is what you get, girl, for ignoring your inner protest…
...On the upside, she no longer felt her usual heavy sleepiness. And she could forget about it this Aeon. If they kept showing her such things…
The Kantinian felt a cool draught and turned her head towards its source.
The wind was strong, lifting even the heavy entrance drape, bringing small clouds of dust with it… Onto the recently cleaned floor! How dare it?!
…This chaos couldn't be conquered just once, could it? It kept coming back…
…Was it even worth fighting?.. Was anything?..
Aaargh. Perhaps not. But the result had looked so pleasant and calming at first.
The floor was clean. Things were neatly packed away in bags. The dwelling in general looked much friendlier. The illusion that she could control things happening in her life was so solid.
But Entropy is a primal, eternal and undefeatable enemy. Entropy and Death can't be escaped or forgotten; they rule the world, no matter how hard you try to move them deeper into a corner of your mind, your dwelling, or your life. They find you.
So. Is it worth fighting? Unpleasant dreams keep returning, even to a tidied space.
She sat up with a sigh in the bed, which had been cleared of things and now looked more like a bed than a shelf for storage.
Maybe not.
She was shaking, but with the internal numbness that had taken over her entire psyche, it was not entirely clear whether the chills came from stress or from the cold.
Maybe also multi-light malnutrition was doing the trick.
She'd been eating very sparingly lately. There was food at work or any café during the light upon presenting her Temple employee minitablet. Or not showing it and getting food for free, because most of the nearest coffee shops already knew this redhead.
But before and afterwards, absorbed in tidying and feeling an overwhelming need to rest afterwards, Amelia couldn't make it to the Forest. Or the public gardens. She hadn't even been to the Market, though she still had some seeds left for trade.
In Kantine, it had been simpler, because everything was a garden there. You just picked food on the run. You could only appreciate it after you left the city.
Good to know Kantine had some advantages. But the best thing was not returning there to use them. So. She must hurry to work. The fact that she had already visited it in her nightmare didn't count as labour hours.
Can't say the dream could have been prophetic. Those tablets were killing her.
Groaning quietly with fatigue and muscle aches, Ami got up and trudged to the washbasin.
After struggling to make herself more or less presentable and donning clean drapes, she set off for work to discover whether this light would prove fatal.
Reaching work, she hesitated a little about whether she should ask Milo to unlock the Archive.
That dream had been so real. And the memories of it were so fresh.
What if she really was buried under tablets in that narrow space? Even if it didn't kill her outright, she'd simply suffocate... Ami felt a wave of nausea at the thought; darkness swam before her eyes, and the dawn ringing returned to her ears.
She had always been claustrophobic and preferred open spaces.
Amelia was a true Kantinian, at least in something.
Their houses might not be particularly elegant or warm, but they had enough space inside to be comfortable, full of light and air. Those who dealt much with living nature and plants knew well – life was impossible without light and fresh air.
Darkness and stuffiness are for Dwarves.
Whirling sharply, Amelia quickly strode outside right after Milo left the Archive, practically bowling over Irji at the Station's entrance.
— Oof, sorry Irji! —Ami exhaled, forcing an apology instead of the curses also fighting to get out, and trying to quickly bypass the human-shaped obstacle blocking her path to open space.
— Ami… — the massive, red-haired Omillian obstacle asked worriedly, peering at her. — Is everything fine?
— Ahemmm… Rather no.
The operative stood half outside. Conversing was easier now, as the ringing in her ears that hindered normal communication seemed to subside.
— How so?
— Strange dreams, prolonged stress, a little bit of under-eating… — she hissed through gritted teeth. — Nothing special, as you see. You know how I love to complain. I should…
— Under-eating sounds serious. —The Omillian frowned. — Aren't they feeding you well here?
— If you could enlighten me on where to get more food, that would be great.
— Milo should have given you the tablet with Sandra's badge. You can eat for free in the Temple Sanatorium. Or any café you like, just…
— I have it, thank you. I do eat there during the light. — Ami replied, stepping outside and gesturing for him to follow.
— And?
— But the portions are too small.
— And "plenty" is...? — the officer asked interestedly.
— Well, roughly the same as we eat during the lunch break. — Ami explained, perplexed, not seeing his point. — But more, increasing portions by one and a half to two times. Maybe I'd eat much more now due to chronic malnutrition. How… how do you all work here half-starved?! Do you bring something from home with you? Bet you do...
— Six times our light ration! — Irji was really astonished. — Amelia. I wonder how we haven't eaten ourselves yet.
— Well. You're nice here.
Irji looked at her again in surprise and somewhat distrust.
— Though I must admit I'm lucky to be fed at all. — she quickly added. —Kantinians wouldn't bother to do it for strangers. I… should've gone foraging. But I didn't. And I bear hunger particularly badly. So, just ignore my gnatness.
— Well… You can ask them to give you bigger portions. No one will refuse, I assure you.
— Is it that simple? Why isn't everyone doing it?
— It's *that* simple. Everyone just doesn't need that much. You can ask them to give you some food to go also. Everyone understands that Temple workers shouldn't starve. How can we help others being helpless? Blimey, what an appetite! You wouldn't think it to look at you. Dimensions are… quite modest. Compact and hungry all the time. Sounds dangerous.
— It's an average appetite by Kantinian standards, even if my height isn't standard. I won't grow up anyway.
— Before we spontaneously begin to lose our dimensions here, we must feed you... Look. I was going to replenish my supply of nuts and berries this small cycle. We can move this event to this light. If you want.
— Of course I do! Thank you. I don't want to be a nuisance.
Tears welled in the Kantinian's eyes.
— Don't even think about it. I'll give you a hand at first, and then you can get it sorted out yourself.
— I'll chew it.
— Chew… what? Ah. Hand. Well. See you later then. Now I should show my face in my office. I think.
— To make Milo incredibly happy. Pity that, usually being a people pleaser, I can't do the same for him. I can't get myself into my den this light.
— I'll be a hero.
— Yes, you are, in my opinion.
Irji nodded and left, while Ami, wiping away the last traces of tears, lingered a moment longer, filling her lungs with delicious Omillian air as if storing it up.
"What… what an ooze-eyes we are."
"Gnat off. Everyone has problems from time to time."
"But they don't start snivelling, playing on pity, and begging for food. We're a grown woman, theoretically, perfectly capable of feeding ourselves."
"Don't be ridiculous. It's too much for her, obviously."
Yeah. Doing my best here. Gnat off.
Ami hastily wiped her reddened eyes on her sleeve. Then slowly headed for her doom. Her Archive.
But as a matter of fact, the future no longer seemed quite so bleak.
And the problems, though formidable, appeared solvable now. Even in her "daft" task, as the secretarial work was, there was room for her mighty intellect and logic.
Although, the more she did it, the more respect she gained for Lucy, who'd developed her own working system and managed to conquer the Great Clay Chaos in general.
And Ami, by Ami's standards, had achieved the impossible here.
Only a third of the half-mountain remained, occupying far less space by the walls. Her table and chair were free. Splendid.
A timid ray of hope pierced the clouds of pessimism.
The Omillian air brought a grim resolve instead of helpless indifference.
Maybe not all was well, but let it be. Since nothing could be done, it would do.
A picture from her ungrown period suddenly came to her.
There she was, timidly peeking out of her hiding place, hoping that just once, a clod of earth wouldn't land squarely on her head to the delight of the other ungrowns, thrown by the neighbour girl. Being clumsy and slow, Amelia couldn't throw things far and accurately or catch the gnat. Especially when angry.
Getting angry meant losing. Mockery was unavoidable. So, let the dirt come. If there was no way to avoid it… let it be. No friends. No pretty clothes. No emotions.
The Kantinian shook her head, banishing the unpleasant flashback.
The burgeoning euphoria almost deflated before it could fully inflate. Typical.
Time to immerse herself in the task that was finally yielding results, to preserve her fragile peace of mind.
Dispute. Complaint. Statement. Report. Inventory.
Shelve it all and rearrange it yet again.
And as expected, nothing fell on her during that light of sorting and shelving. It was daft to hope for such a swift deliverance from life's complexities.
Milo's loss didn't turn up either.
…Interesting. If she could glimpse it in her dream… would the data match reality? Hmm..
Footsteps sounded. Ami tensed unconsciously.
…Not for her. For Milo or Moki. Phew…
Served them right. And this... It sounded like it was heading here. Damn swamps.
— Ami.
Who?! Ah. Irji.
— Ami, let's go while the lumins are high.
— Hm… How will I explain it to Milo?
— Tell him the truth. It's a good reason to leave.
— I feel a bit ashamed. They would have eaten me to the ground for this in Kantine.
— But we're in Omill. Luckily. Consider it an unplanned shift with overtime. An unofficial patrol of the Forest area. Two people, as prescribed by the latest orders. All according to the rules.
— Alright. Wait a moment.
"I hope none of the documents will disappear during this moment."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"It doesn't matter now."
Amelia approached the chief's office, involuntarily watching her own office, which she didn't really care about, out of the corner of her eye, and carefully disturbed the curtain.
Having received an invitation to enter, she carefully looked into Milo's office.
Not knowing about the lost document that Ami had dreamed about, the Chief studied the ones that hadn't been stolen yet with a frown.
— Milo. I think I'm done for this light. And I'm useless here. Can I go and fix my food problems?
— Of course, Ami. Just seal the Archive.
He waved her off almost like an annoying gnat.
— That's why I'm here, actually.
The Boss raised an irritated, questioning look at her. And sighed tiredly, remembering what the matter was.
— Right. Go.
The Secretary happily left her superior alone with his concerns, got her bag out of her office, and she and Irji left the Station to solve her problems.
— Irji, why is it not allowed to go into the Forest alone according to protocol?
— And two shouldn't do it either. Believe me.
— But why?
— See for yourself… Four of the amnesiacs were found precisely in the Forest. Yes, that doesn't necessarily mean anything; many were found in the city also.
— Maybe they went into the Forest after losing their memory.
— Maybe. But the fact is a fact, though no one talks or thinks about it much. Otherwise, how to forage? And do the patrols?
— Right. Well, I wouldn't cope alone anyway; I hardly know what to gather. In Kantine, we lived mostly off the fields and gardens; foraging was something extra, almost a pastime, and not essential.
— New skills are always useful.
— They are.
They walked silently through the town and onto the path that led into the Forest.
Amelia took a deep breath of the air, smelling of trees and ground. The beautiful, soothing scent of nature, which had been her last refuge in this grim world for many cycles.
— You know… An Archive cabinet crushed me in my dream this night. Fell on me with all its tablets.
Irji chuckled mirthlessly and shook his head.
— Even your dreams are about work.
— No peace or rest, yes… But I feel totally fine here and now. Despite these late events and so on… Like, it's much safer than it was in the Station. Or anywhere else. The Forest was always my best friend. Shame we see so little of each other now. Communing with nature – the best thing for tired, desperate people.
— Totally agree.
The tall, good-natured strapping lad, quite Nordic in appearance but with Selvan grace, pushed through the undergrowth without snagging on anything, without constantly stepping into slippery mud hidden under purple fallen leaves, and without tripping over roots…
…Phenomenal.
Admittedly, Ami kept up. The local vegetation wasn't as dense or clingy as around Kantine. Whether it was a biome peculiarity or simply trampled and broken by frequent local visitors was unclear.
Be that as it may, this forest was somewhat different from her familiar one, despite the short distance between cities. The trees here resembled relics from books. With long, spreading, sharp-leaved branches. Or strange, dwarf forms on stilts, with pot-bellied leaves sticking straight out of the trunk.
It was so awesome. So beautiful here. She really needed to come here more often.
They had to stop periodically to examine this unfamiliar, wondrous flora, to her delight.
The Omillians, it turned out, were no less surprising, as they ate things completely alien to Ami. Not that she hadn't seen these plants before… She had, in fact.
But she would never have thought to put them in a bag. Her people never gathered these roots or these berries. Irji didn't look like someone capable of cruel pranks. And Amelia wouldn't have held it against him, even if her world plunged into eternal darkness after three days of diarrhoea and continuous vomiting. Because… he was nice.
However, this walk was somewhat educational for Irji too. He knew nothing of the fruit that Amelia had put in her bag without question. An exchange of experience.
…That would never be useful outside of Omill.
Their forests and living conditions differed quite noticeably.
Having gathered a decent amount of food, they headed back towards the city.
— This should be enough, I suppose… for a while. —Irji chuckled. — I didn't show you the plants that need soaking or special preparation, though. But you can ask me or others about any suspicious plant you find. I think you've got enough information for this light.
— That's for sure! Thank you for your time, Irji. You really helped a lot; I can't thank you enough.
— You're welcome. I replenished my supplies as I planned. See you at work.
— Yeah, see you tomorrow.
Irji headed home, and Ami… was lost again.
She realised they'd entered the city from a different direction than they'd left.
To her relief, the Temple spire was visible even from here. Thus, she first returned to work, trying to memorise all the giant mushrooms she passed along the way, and then set off for her kotti.
She reached home utterly knackered but deeply satisfied.
A large bag of food always instilled confidence in the coming day and added a hefty dose of optimism. She stowed her haul in the coolest spot – behind the washbasin – and, barely making it to the bed, instantly plunged into a dreamless sleep.
…Thankfully.
It seemed exhausting herself to death was her way of stopping the nightmares.