(Yuuta Kounari's POV)
Have you ever heard of the legendary war between dragons and humans?
According to the stories, it was a terrifying conflict. Dragons burned entire kingdoms, humans raised armies to defend their lands, and countless lives were lost in battles that changed the course of history.
Fortunately, those days were long gone. Humans and dragons no longer needed to settle their differences through devastating wars, and I was quite grateful for that.
Unfortunately, I was currently involved in a much smaller conflict with a dragon.
And believe it or not, the reason was a television remote.
"Yuuta, give it to me."
"No."
"Mortal."
"Erza."
My wife narrowed her violet eyes at me. She was sitting on the couch with her arms crossed, looking thoroughly displeased with the fact that I was standing beside the television, holding the remote out of her reach.
Now, before you start judging me, allow me to explain.
Erza had been watching television for the past three hours. Three entire hours! First, it was some historical drama about a noblewoman marrying a prince. Then came a cooking competition, followed by another drama where the same noblewoman apparently discovered that the prince had a secret twin brother.
I had absolutely no idea how she'd managed to follow all of it. Every time I glanced at the screen, someone was either crying, revealing a terrible family secret, or accusing another person of betrayal. Honestly, I was beginning to wonder whether the entire royal family had anything better to do.
All I knew was that my favorite adventure show was about to start, and I wasn't going to miss another episode.
"You've been watching television all afternoon," I reminded her. "Can't I have one hour?"
"I was watching something."
"Your show ended ten minutes ago."
"The next episode is starting."
"That's exactly what you said an hour ago!"
Erza looked at me as though she couldn't understand why I was making such a fuss. She leaned back against the couch, completely unconcerned by my suffering.
"Then watch your show tomorrow."
I stared at her in disbelief.
Tomorrow? Did this woman have any idea how difficult it was to avoid spoilers on the internet? By tomorrow morning, half the world would probably know what happened in the latest episode, and I'd have to spend the entire day avoiding my phone.
"No. Absolutely not."
"Are you refusing me?"
"Yes."
Erza raised an eyebrow, and I immediately cleared my throat. There were certain things a husband could say to his wife, and then there were things that might result in him sleeping outside.
"I mean, with all due respect, Your Majesty, I am respectfully declining your unreasonable request."
"How polite."
"Thank you."
"Now give me the remote."
"No."
We stared at each other for several seconds. Neither of us seemed willing to surrender, and I was beginning to suspect that this argument might continue until the television stopped working altogether.
Finally, I sighed and lowered the remote.
"Fine. Let's settle this fairly."
Erza tilted her head.
"How?"
"Rock-paper-scissors. One round. Winner gets to choose what we watch tonight."
She considered my suggestion for a moment before nodding.
"Very well."
I smiled and raised one finger.
"Excellent. And no magic."
"Why would I need magic to defeat you?"
"Because you're a sore loser."
Her eyes narrowed.
"Careful, mortal."
"See? You're already threatening me!"
Erza ignored my complaint and stood up from the couch. We faced each other across the coffee table, both raising our fists as though we were preparing for some legendary confrontation.
Honestly, if anyone had walked into our living room at that moment, they might have mistaken us for two warriors preparing to decide the fate of the world.
In reality, we were fighting over a television remote.
"Ready?" I asked.
"Stop wasting time."
"Rock, paper, scissors!"
Our hands moved at the same time. I confidently chose rock, while Erza extended two fingers in the shape of scissors.
For a moment, neither of us spoke.
I looked at her hand, then at mine, before slowly raising my head with the most satisfied smile I could manage.
"Well, well, well."
Erza frowned.
"...What?"
"Would you look at that? The mighty Queen of Atlantis has been defeated by a mere human."
She looked down at her fingers, then back at my hand.
"Impossible."
"What's impossible? It's rock-paper-scissors!"
"I was certain you'd choose paper."
"Unfortunately for you, my dear wife, my mind works in mysterious ways."
"That's one way to describe it."
I laughed and raised the remote triumphantly above my head. After three hours of suffering through royal family scandals and endless cooking competitions, justice had finally prevailed.
"Victory! At last, the oppressed people of this household have reclaimed their freedom!"
Erza folded her arms.
"You're being childish."
"Perhaps. But I'm a childish man with a remote."
I turned toward the television, ready to enjoy my hard-earned victory. Unfortunately, the excitement must have gone straight to my head, because I made one final mistake.
"Better luck next time, Lizard Queen."
The living room became strangely quiet.
"...What did you call me?"
I stopped.
Ah.
There it was.
That familiar tone.
I slowly turned around and found Erza smiling at me. Unfortunately, it wasn't the sort of smile that made a husband feel particularly safe.
"Nothing, sweetheart."
"Lizard Queen?"
"It was a joke."
"A joke?"
"Yes. A very affectionate joke between husband and wife."
A faint blue light appeared around her fingertips, and my smile immediately disappeared. I took a cautious step backward, holding the remote against my chest as though it might somehow protect me.
"Erza, remember our agreement. No magic."
"The game is already over."
"That's not the point!"
"Ice Veil."
A small sphere of blue light shot toward me before I could react.
"Wait—!"
The spell struck my chest, sending a sudden chill through my body. I looked down just in time to see a thin layer of ice spreading across my feet, gradually binding them to the floor.
"Oh, come on!"
Erza watched with a satisfied expression.
"Consider this a lesson in respecting your wife."
"You're seriously freezing me over a joke?!"
"It's a harmless spell. You'll be fine."
The ice continued climbing toward my knees. I knew enough about Erza's magic to understand that she wasn't actually trying to hurt me. The spell was designed to immobilize its target without causing injury, and she'd probably release me after enjoying a few minutes of my complaints.
Still, that didn't mean I had to accept defeat quietly.
Especially when she was standing within arm's reach.
"Erza."
"What?"
"If I'm going down..."
Before she could react, I lunged forward and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her tightly against me.
"...You're coming with me!"
"Y-Yuuta?!"
Her violet eyes widened in surprise. For a moment, she seemed too shocked to respond, and a faint redness spread across her cheeks as she realized just how closely I was holding her.
"W-What are you doing?! Let go of me!"
"Nope. Marriage is about sharing, remember?"
"That's not—! You shameless idiot!"
She tried pushing me away, but the ice had already begun spreading from my arms onto her body. Her hands were trapped against my chest, leaving her unable to perform the precise gesture needed to cancel the spell safely.
"Mortal! Release me this instant!"
"Can't. We're already freezing."
"YOU...!"
Before she could finish, the magic completed its work. A thick layer of ice spread across our bodies, locking us together in the middle of the living room.
And just like that, the legendary battle between humanity and dragonkind ended with both sides becoming frozen statues.
For several seconds, neither of us spoke.
Our bodies were completely covered in ice, leaving only our heads free to move. My arms remained wrapped around Erza's waist, while her hands were trapped between us.
The position was uncomfortable, to say the least. I could barely shift my shoulders, and the cold surface of the ice pressed against my clothes whenever I tried moving.
Erza, however, appeared to have a completely different problem.
Her face was becoming increasingly red.
"...Mortal."
"Yes, my dear terrifying wife?"
"Remove your arms."
"I would love to, but there's a slight problem."
"What?"
"We're frozen."
Her eyes narrowed.
"I am aware of that."
"Then why are you asking?"
"Because I don't want you holding me like this!"
I looked at her, then down at the thick ice surrounding our bodies. My arms were still locked around her waist, and there wasn't enough room between us to move even if I wanted to.
"Erza, I physically cannot move."
"Then stop looking at me!"
I blinked.
"...What?"
"You're too close!"
Her voice was cold, but the redness spreading toward her ears made it difficult to take her threatening expression seriously.
I couldn't resist smiling.
"Wait. Are you embarrassed?"
"No."
"Erza?"
"I said no."
"But your face..."
"Finish that sentence, mortal, and I will make sure you remain frozen until tomorrow."
I immediately closed my mouth.
This was definitely not the time to tease her. Besides, judging by the way her cheeks were turning redder with every passing second, I suspected she was already having enough trouble maintaining her dignity.
A few moments later, Erza turned her head away, apparently deciding that ignoring me was the best way to handle the situation.
Unfortunately, that didn't solve our problem.
"Erza, can't you undo the spell?"
"Not while my arms are trapped."
"Can't you break the ice?"
"I can."
"Then—"
"And destroy our living room in the process."
I glanced at the furniture surrounding us. The coffee table was barely a step away, and the television stood directly in front of us. Considering the destructive power my wife possessed, I wasn't particularly interested in discovering what would happen if she decided to break free by force.
"...Right. Let's not do that."
Erza sighed.
"The spell will wear off on its own."
"How long?"
"An hour."
I stared at her.
"...An hour?"
"Yes."
"You're telling me we're going to stand like this for an entire hour?"
"Whose fault do you think that is?"
I wisely decided not to answer.
After all, pointing out that she'd been the one to cast the spell probably wouldn't improve my situation.
Unfortunately, before either of us could think of another solution, a familiar little voice came from the hallway.
"Papa? Mama?"
We both turned our heads.
Elena stood near the doorway, holding her dragon plushie in one hand while rubbing her sleepy eyes with the other. Her white hair was slightly messy, and she looked as though she'd only just woken up from her afternoon nap.
She stared at us for a moment, her big red eyes moving from my face to Erza's before settling on the thick layer of ice surrounding our bodies.
"Papa... why you hugging Mama?"
Oh, dear.
"Well, sweetheart, you see..."
I glanced at Erza, whose cheeks were still slightly red. She immediately looked away, leaving me to explain why her parents had somehow transformed themselves into a frozen sculpture in the middle of the living room.
"Mama and Papa were playing a game," I explained.
Elena tilted her head.
"Game?"
"Yes. A statue game."
Her eyes brightened with curiosity as she approached us. She examined the ice around our legs, then looked up at me with an excited smile.
"Elena can play too?"
"No!" Erza answered immediately.
Elena blinked.
Erza cleared her throat.
"...I mean, you've just woken up. Go sit down, Elena."
"Oh. Okay!"
Our daughter happily walked into the living room, dragging her dragon plushie along with her. I watched her approach the couch and sighed in relief, grateful that she hadn't decided to investigate our frozen bodies any further.
For a moment, I thought everything would be fine.
Then she noticed the remote lying on the floor.
"Ah! Remote!"
My heart sank.
"Elena, sweetheart, could you give that to Papa?"
She bent down and picked it up.
"Okay!"
I smiled in relief. What a wonderful daughter! Even at four years old, she understood the importance of helping her father during difficult times.
Unfortunately, just as she approached us, her attention shifted toward the television.
"Papa! Dragon Boy!"
Oh, no.
"Elena, wait. Papa wants to watch something else tonight."
"Dragon Boy!"
"Sweetheart, how about later?"
She looked at me for a moment before turning toward Erza.
"Mama! Elena watch Dragon Boy?"
Erza glanced at me.
For a brief moment, I saw the faintest hint of satisfaction in her violet eyes. Then she looked toward our daughter with an expression of complete innocence.
"...Do whatever you want."
"Erza!"
Elena beamed.
"Yay!"
Before I could say another word, she climbed onto the couch and settled herself comfortably with her dragon plushie. Then she pointed the remote toward the television and pressed a button.
Click.
A familiar melody filled the room.
♪ "Draaaagon Boy! Let's soar into the skyyy!" ♪
I closed my eyes.
No.
Please.
Anything but Dragon Boy.
Of all the programs available on television, my daughter had chosen the one show whose opening song had been haunting my dreams for the past several weeks.
Beside me, Erza let out a quiet sigh.
"...What is this?"
"Dragon Boy."
"I can see that. Why is it singing?"
"Because that's what it does."
"Does it always sing?"
"Unfortunately."
On the television, a cheerful baby dragon was flying around a rainbow while teaching children about friendship. Bright colors filled the screen, accompanied by the sort of music that could remain stuck in someone's head for an entire week.
Elena immediately began singing along.
"Dragon Boy! Dragon Boy!"
I tried moving my arms again, hoping that the ice might have weakened.
Nothing.
The spell hadn't loosened in the slightest, and I was still trapped with my arms around my wife while our daughter enjoyed herself on the couch.
"Erza."
"What?"
"Please tell me there's another way to undo this."
"No."
"Can't you at least turn off the television?"
"With what, mortal? My forehead?"
I sighed.
Fair point.
An hour passed.
Then another.
Apparently, Erza's estimate of the spell's duration hadn't accounted for the fact that she'd accidentally frozen herself as well. Whatever magical complication that caused, the result was painfully obvious: neither of us could move.
And somehow, despite being the person who had cast the magic, she was now just as helpless as I was.
Meanwhile, Elena had already watched several episodes of Dragon Boy.
On the television, the cheerful little dragon was helping a flower overcome its fear of speaking in front of others. The flower was crying, Dragon Boy was singing, and my daughter was watching with the kind of serious concentration usually reserved for important royal meetings.
"Look, Papa!" Elena exclaimed happily. "Dragon Boy helping flower!"
"That's wonderful, sweetheart."
"Flower happy!"
"Yes, Elena. Very happy."
I glanced at Erza.
She was staring at the television with an expression of complete exhaustion. Her earlier confidence had vanished, and she looked as though she'd rather face an entire army than listen to another cheerful song about friendship.
"...Mortal."
"Yes?"
"When this is over, we're getting another television."
I nodded slowly.
"For once, I completely agree with you."
Elena suddenly turned toward us, hugging her dragon plushie against her chest.
"Papa! Mama! Dragon Boy say sharing is good!"
I looked at Erza.
Erza looked at me.
For a moment, neither of us said anything.
After all, we'd spent the entire afternoon fighting over a television remote, only to lose control of the television to our four-year-old daughter.
And the worst part?
She didn't even know she'd won.
End of Chapter.