Seira met Max online and at first it felt like something out of a dream, the kind of connection that made her believe in long-distance love, full of sweet messages, random calls at 7 AM - 11 PM, promises whispered across screens like they were real.
For a while it was enough, it felt like fate, like she finally found someone who truly saw her.
Eventually Max moved in with her and for a while it still felt good, like the dream might actually last.
Then Seira found out she was pregnant.
Everything changed after that.
Max started working, loaned a house, tried to provide, but in his rush to build a life he ended up spending too much on things they didn't really need.
The bills came quicker than the money did and it started showing, not all at once, but in little ways Seira couldn't unsee.
The way Max sighed more.
The quiet tension in his shoulders.
The way he stopped looking her in the eye.
She was home all day with the baby, running on almost nothing, barely sleeping, barely holding it together.
She wanted to help him but she didn't even know how.
Some days, just getting through felt like a miracle.
Max became harder to talk to.
His patience thinned.
He got quiet whenever something bothered him, shutting down completely, no explanation, no conversation.
Just cold silence that made Seira feel like she was the problem.
They stopped hearing each other the way they used to, and little things... things that never used to matter... suddenly did.
The space between them didn't just grow, it filled with silence and second-guessing.
By the time Thia was six months old, Max started snapping more, taking her words the wrong way, getting angry over things that didn't feel like fights.
One night he just left.
No screaming, no drama.
Just silence, again.
Seira was left sitting there with her baby crying in her arms, wondering what she had done, wondering if she could keep going like this.
Even when he walked out, Max didn't cut them off completely.
He still sent money, just enough to keep things running... milk, diapers, bills but no messages, no calls, just deposits and silence.
Weeks blurred into two months.
The kind of days that drag when you're alone with a baby and a heart that keeps second-guessing itself.
Then one afternoon, like none of it happened, he showed up at the door again.
And somehow, after everything, Seira let him in.
The next thing she knew, she was pregnant again... with their second baby, Dylan and something between them shifted.
Before, it was Max who always made the effort... his affection, his attention, his love... it used to pour out of him like second nature.
But now it felt like the roles had reversed.
It was Seira doing her best to hold them together.
She kept telling herself his job was tough.
That dealing with difficult people every day must wear him down.
So she tried to make the home feel a little softer for him.
She cooked the meals he liked.
She listened... really listened... when he talked about work or random things that annoyed him during the day.
She tried to be that one person who wouldn't add to his stress.
The calm waiting for him at the end of it all.
But at night, when everything finally quieted down and the kids were asleep, Seira would lie in bed scrolling through her phone. Old friends.
Former classmates.
People out there are building their own careers, chasing dreams, living the kind of life she used to picture for herself and sometimes, no matter how much she tried to push it away, it hit her... that little ache in her chest, the kind that made her wonder if she was getting left behind and it stung a little.
That slow, quiet ache she didn't like to name. A mix of envy... and guilt for even feeling that way.
Because she had something real too.
Something good.
A family.
Two kids.
A home.
Wasn't that supposed to be enough?
They got buried in debt and soon her family started questioning the choices she made in her life, they raised her well, gave her everything they could, but ended up watching their savings disappear little by little, especially after her third baby Matthew came into the picture.
She was only in her 30's but lately, she felt older than that... older in the way she moved, in the way she carried the days on her back.
She started feeling insecure, not just about her looks but about everything, especially when her husband stopped initiating anything, his sex drive had dropped and even if she didn't want it to matter, it did.
He jokes sometimes, the kind of jokes that hit below the belt, and one time someone laughed and called her "an old lady" and she just snapped because the truth is... jokes don't make her feel better anymore.
She was starting to feel empty in a way that words couldn't really explain, just this quiet kind of disappointment sitting in her chest every day and no matter how much she tried to act like everything was fine it kept showing up in small ways, like how she couldn't even smile at jokes anymore or how she avoided mirrors when walking past them.
There were times when things felt okay on the surface, like during those long stretches when she and her husband didn't argue at all, but even then it didn't feel like peace, it just felt like two people quietly drifting apart in the same space.
She didn't have anyone to talk to either, not really, her parents lived far now, her siblings were busy with their own lives and she didn't want to be the one who always showed up sad or needing something, so she stopped reaching out altogether.
Most nights she'd lie awake in the dark staring at the ceiling, not crying or anything, just stuck in that heavy stillness wondering when regret became so normal, if it had always been there in the background waiting for her to notice or if it just slowly crept in until it became the only thing she could heart.
Because now it's loud. And she can't stop hearing it...
I Made The Wrong Decision
She kept scrolling, hoping to distract herself from everything.
Then she stumbled across a game... it looked like one of those otome games where the heroine is surrounded by nine ridiculously beautiful men.
The title? Hearts of Alora.
She almost laughed.
A small smile tugged at her lips, but she held it in.
Her husband was sleeping beside her, breathing slowly and calmly, and she didn't want to wake him.
"Seriously?" she thought, "Who comes up with stuff like this? These game developers... they really want players... no, readers turn into delusional narcissists. Like really? Nine men falling in love with you? At the same time?"
She sighed.
"Even if I did have one of those nine I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be consistent. Affection doesn't last, Attention shifts just like my husband did. One moment I was in his world then suddenly I was just there. Like a painting on the wall something nice to look at but easy to ignore."
"And love...."
"Love doesn't stay just because you beg it to...
They don't love you because of who you are, They love you because it's convenient. Because you make things easier for them and the second you stop fitting their needs...They start to drift like you were never really there"