"CHAT! Are you ready?! Are you HYPED?!" Kyle's voice boomed, filled with more genuine excitement than his viewers had heard in a long time. "Tonight, history is made. Tonight, we push the boundaries of culinary science and questionable financial decisions. Welcome to the first-ever Clarity Produce Taste Test!"
The stream was already at record numbers. The clip of him discovering the new "Produce" section had gone viral in its own right, and the anticipation was sky-high.
On his table, which was covered with a pristine white cloth for the occasion, sat the treasures from his latest shipment. Each item was displayed like a museum piece: a single, gleaming tomato; one perfect, crisp head of lettuce; and the crown jewel, the single carrot that had been photographed with a real-life fairy. He was saving the double portion of berries as a surprise for the end. Next to the produce was his notes section in which he wrote the effects of all the stuff he was buying online.
"First up," Kyle announced, "we have the 'Serenity Lettuce.' Forty dollars for a head of lettuce. The website says this will 'quiet the mind' and 'promote serenity.' Chat, for forty bucks, this better make me achieve Nirvana."
He ceremoniously tore off a single, perfect leaf. He crunched into it. As with the water, his theatrical pre-chew smirk dissolved into an expression of stunned silence. His viewers watched as a visible wave of calm washed over his face. The usual hyperactive energy in his eyes softened. He took another bite, chewing slowly, thoughtfully.
"Whoa," he said, his voice a full octave lower than usual. "Okay. That's... weird. I don't feel tired. I feel... quiet. My brain usually has like, fifty tabs open, you know? A dozen video ideas, what I need to edit, that one stupid thing I said in 2011... It's all just... gone. It's just quiet in here." He tapped his temple. "This is wild." In his notebook he wrote: Serenity Lettuce - Effects: Quiet mind, increased focus.
Next, the "Vitality Tomato." He sliced it open, the deep red color astonishing. He ate a slice. "Okay, flavor is a ten out of ten. Best tomato I've ever had, hands down." He paused, placing a hand over his chest. "And I feel... warm. Not like, spicy warm. Like... solid. I feel... sturdy. It's hard to describe. I just feel... stronger. Healthier." In the notebook he wrote: Vitality Tomato - Effects: Feeling of strength, heartiness.
Now for the main event. "The 'Visionary Root'," he said, holding up the carrot. "Forty dollars for the carrot that has been personally endorsed by Tinkerbell herself. Chat, if I don't start seeing the future in the next five minutes, we're asking for a refund."
He took a huge, crunchy bite. His eyes went wide. He blinked several times, looking around his room as if seeing it for the first time. He stared at his 4K monitor, then at the details on a poster across the room.
"NO. WAY," he breathed, his voice full of pure, unadulterated awe. "Chat... everything is... sharper. The colors are brighter. The text on your comments... it's like my monitor just got a 200% resolution boost. I can see the individual pixels. This isn't just 'good for your eyesight,' this is like unlocking a graphics card upgrade for your own eyeballs!" Notebook entry: Visionary Root - Effects: MASSIVE boost to visual acuity, sharper colors, high-definition vision.
The chat was a frantic mess of disbelief, hype, and people accusing him of having the world's best placebo effect.
"Okay, okay," Kyle said, trying to regain his composure. "I know this sounds insane. I know. But I'm telling you what I'm feeling. And listen to this." He pulled out the extra vegetables and the dozen strawberries Leo had sent him. "The founder... Leo... sent me all this for free! He doubled my order and sent a note thanking me for being his first online customer."
He showed the note to the camera. The chat's skepticism softened slightly. A scammer doesn't usually send free stuff worth over two hundred dollars.
"Finally," Kyle said, his voice full of reverence. "The Fey-Kissed Berries. He sent me twelve of them. Chat, are you seeing this? These are the most perfect strawberries I have ever seen."
He popped one into his mouth.
Pure, blissful joy. A wave of euphoric energy washed over him, so intense and happy it made him laugh out loud. "Okay, this is straight-up a happiness drug. A legal, delicious, happiness drug. That's it. That's the only way to describe it." Notebook: Fey-Kissed Berries - Effects: Induces state of euphoria and happiness.
He sat back, completely overwhelmed. He had just consumed the most expensive salad in history, and it had delivered on every single one of its outlandish promises.
He looked at the camera, his expression dead serious. "Forget the pizza challenges. Forget the weird sodas. Chat... I think this is the new direction for the channel." He grabbed his notebook. "From now on, we're not just mukbangers. We're bio-hackers. We're explorers. We're going to document every single effect of every single thing from Clarity. We are going to build a database of magical food. This... this changes everything."