You know, sometimes life surprises you. You cross paths with people who, without even meaning to, shift your entire view of the dark world- and of yourself.
For me, that first someone was Pepe. A transfer student with messy purple-tinted hair that flopped over his forehead and soft green eyes that practically smiled before his lips even moved.
At first, I didn't think much of him. He was just another body added to the circle- and I was still the same quiet outcast, invisible at best and mocked at worst.
He was the first person who ever tried to sit next to me on purpose. It was in math class, he first ever walked in looking like a tough cookie to crack. I had my head buried in my notebook, as always, solving problems neatly in the corner of the page. When he dropped into the empty seat beside me, I froze.
Most students avoided that seat like it was cursed. But there he was, acting like it meant nothing. Like I was just another person in the room.
He dropped his pen five minutes into the lesson- of course he did. We both reached for it at the same time and as cliché as it sounds, we hit heads. A small thud, followed by a shared awkward laugh. His eyes lit up when he smiled- and I hated it.
I hated how persistent he was in trying to speak to me.
I hated how he noticed my work and said things like:
'You are so smart. Do you like maths?'
No one ever had asked me if I liked anything. People just expected me to be good at it.
But more than anything... I hated how he made me feel seen. Because I wasn't ready for that. In my parent's eyes, anything that even looked like attention from a boy, could be misunderstood- especially at my age. A distraction. A shame. A mistake. And I couldn't risk that.
'People are waiting to see your failure' my mother's voice echoed in my mind.
But my perspective changed on that 3-day school trip at the nearing end of fourth grade. That's when I realised, even if the world around me thought I was worthless, there was at least one person; who saw something more.
Someone who cared of my existence, not my imperfections.
And for the first time, that meant something.
That first night, we were told to take lanterns and walk in pairs for the night trail-part of some nature-observation assignment. Everyone was buzzing with excitement, whispering and shuffling around, choosing partners and laughing like it was the most magical thing.
I stayed at the back, head down, scribbling notes into my booklet, pretending to be too focused to care. But the truth was, no one asked me to join them. No one noticed anyways.
Pepe has already paired with his best friend, Nico. The two were always together, loud and inseparable. But when the groups began to move and I took my usual place alone, I heard footsteps behind me. Quick ones.
'Hey' he said, breathless, lanterns swaying slightly in his hand.
'Mind if I walk with you?'
I looked up, surprised.
'What about Nico?'
He shrugged, smiling.
'He'll survive.'
We walked in silence for a bit. The forest around us hummed with quiet life-soft crunches of leaves, distant chatter from the others, the warm glow of lanterns bobbing ahead.
Then softly her asked.
'Why are you always alone?'
I don't know what made me answer him. Maybe it was the calmness in his voice. Maybe it was the way he didn't ask it like a judgement, but genuinely wanted to know.
'I don't know'
I started, then paused.
'I guess I'm just used to it.'
He stayed quiet, listening. So I kept going.
'My parents are... really strict.'
I said, voice low.
'About everything'
I glanced at him. He wasn't laughing. He wasn't judging. Just... listening.
'They care a lot about my grades. About how I speak, how I act. I guess being alone helps me stay focused. Fewer distractions, you know?'
He tilted his head slightly, lanterns light catching in his green eyes.
'That's a lot to carry on your own.'
I didn't respond. I wasn't used to people noticing that part of me.
'You know...'
He said after a pause.
'You don't have to act so tough all the time. It's just three days. Besides your parents aren't here and there is no tests you have to keep up with.'
He looked at me and smiled gently.
'You can breathe a little.'
I don't know what came over me , but I smiled back- not politely, not out of habit. A real smile. The first one, I think I'd ever given someone at school. And somehow, in that moment, the night didn't feel so cold.
Day two started like any other- worksheets, forest trails, group games no one took seriously. But the sun had just begun to set when things took an unexpected turn.
The girls' rooms were on the first floor, the boys' upstairs. As we walked back in groups from our last outing, the quiet buzz of laughter and footsteps was suddenly broken by a shout.
'Hey, those girls- they're breaking in !'
Everyone turned. Two-girls-from another school were crouched at the door to one of the girls' rooms, door open. Before anyone could think some of the boys darted forward, chasing them off.
But I wasn't thinking about the chase.
I was thinking about my bed, the first one by the door. My purse, sitting on top. The one with the money my parents had given me in exact notes, warned not to lose.
I ran ahead of the others, my shoes slapping against the corridor floor. My hands shook as I pushed the door open and spotted it- still sitting there.
I grabbed it, almost tearing it open and riffled through the inside. The money was there. The small snack wrappers I'd folded away too.
But instead of feeling relieved, I felt the tears rise without warning.
Not because anything had been taken- but because it almost was. And if it had been taken, the thought of my parents' disappointment, their silent treatment... it was too much.
'Santhyaa?'
I turned around, blinking fast, trying to wipe my face with the back of my palm. Pepe stood in the doorway, eyes soft. He didn't ask what happened-maybe he didn't need to. Instead, he looked around the room at the rest of the girls shuffling around, checking their things.
'Come outside'
He said gently.
'Just for a minute.'
We stepped into the corridor, away from the buzz of students recounting what had happened. The air was cooler here. Calmer.
He leaned against the wall, hands in his pockets and glanced at me.
'You okay?'
I nodded, even though I wasn't sure. He waited a few seconds, then said.
'You don't always have to be okay, you know.'
I looked at him through my tears that were forming.
'I just... I can't afford not to be.'
He smiled a little, not the teasing kind- the kind that felt like understanding.
'Well, for what it's worth... I'm really glad you're okay.'
Then, after a pause.
'So, we are friends now?'
I stared at him. The question caught me off guard- it was so easy when he said it. I hesitated. Not because I didn't want to- but because I'd never really said yes to that before. I didn't know how.
But something about him- his patience, his timing, the fact that he came back when no one else did- made me nod.
'Okay.'
I whispered.
'Yeah. Friends.'
And just like that, something shifted. Not loudly, not dramatically. Just a soft crack in the wall I'd spend building.
My first 'yes' to the world outside my fear.
The third day came quietly, carrying with it the weight of goodbyes no one wanted to say out loud.
By now, I had begun talking to Pepe a little more- small comments, soft smiles across the room, awkward gaze exchanges. It wasn't much, but for me, it was something. A start.
That night, they held a small dance party in the multipurpose room- nothing fancy, just a projector flashing colourful lights on the walls while music echoed off the wooden floor. The room was dim, with only disco lights flickering above like little stars trying too hard to shine.
Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves- laughing, spinning, being kids. I, however, sat at the very back of the room, legs crossed, hugging my notebook like it was my last line of defence. I wasn't exactly dressed for dancing either- the only clean outfit I had left was a simple, soft dress my mother had packed 'just in case'. It wasn't extravagant.
Then came the shift- slower song played. The room slowed down in it. That's when Pepe walked towards me, wearing a loose shirt with sleeves rolled up, his hair, cutely messy on his head. He smiled.
'Come on.'
He said, hand outstretched.
'Dance with me.'
I blinked.
'Everyone's going to see.'
I panicked, my eyes darting around the dark room.
He chuckled gently, leaning a bit closer.
'No one notices us anyways.'
And for some reason, that line made me smile. So I stood. Slowly. Hesitantly.
I placed my arms around his neck, stiff and unsure. His hands found their way to my waist and we swayed- awkwardly at first, like two kids pretending to know what grown-ups did. But after a moment, we found our rhythm. Or maybe we just stopped caring.
We didn't talk. We didn't need to. It was a quiet moment carved out from chaos, and for once, I didn't feel like an outcast.
We were only eight or nine. We didn't even know what we were feeling. It wasn't love-not yet. We had some sort of chemistry that was undeniable. The way those green eyes looked into mine soft and tender. We had only just agreed to be friends. We had our whole lives ahead of us, and so much of the world we hadn't seen.
But sweet moments like these... they never seem to last long in my life.
Because by Halloween, everything shattered.
It was supposed to be harmless- just another costume day at school. But bringing an actual knife? That wasn't on anyone's bingo card. Especially not mine.
The school went into lockdown. The police were called. And in the middle of the chaos, I watched as Pepe was dragged out of our classroom- arms restrained, face blank. It didn't make sense. Not to me. Not to the girl who had danced with him just weeks earlier. Not to the girl who thought she had finally found someone good.
I remember my vision blurring- eyes swollen with tears I didn't let fall. I couldn't believe it. The one person who made me feel like I mattered... was dangerous.
I don't know what he was thinking. What his intention with me was. Why he wanted to be close to me. I still don't. Maybe I never will. Because that was the last time I saw those eyes.
Nothing is ever permanent. Some people come into your life as gifts. Others as warnings. Sometimes... they're both.
After the incident, the rest of the school year flew by in a blur.
The whispers turned into stares. The stares turned into silence. And the silence- well, that's what hurt the most. People didn't ask questions. They just assumed. They thought I was in it too. That I had known. That I had something to do with it too.
The bullying didn't fade. It sharpened. Everyday was a mental marathon I hadn't signed up for.
I stopped raising my hand in class. I stopped speaking altogether some days. I became small, invisible, because being invisible was better than being mocked.
My mother saw my grades couldn't get me to achieve the top like she was aiming for so she started talking about the UK. A place where education was different, where maybe I could find peace, rebuild, be seen for who I was.
But my father- he wasn't ready. He had a stable job, a routine, a reputation. Starting over in a foreign country meant letting go of everything he had built with his own hands.
We were caught between two worlds- my mother's hope and my father's hesitation. Until one evening changed everything.
I came home, face streaked with tears I couldn't hold in anymore. Like Pepe had once said.
'You don't have to act tough all the time.'
My bag dropped by the door. I didn't even bother taking my shoes off. I walked straight to my father, fell to my knees and cried at his feet.
'I can't do this anymore'
I whispered. Over and over.
'I just want to leave.'
I never begged for something- not a toy, not a treat- but a chance to start over.
I wasn't asking for much. Just a place where I could walk into a classroom without my name being the start of a joke. Where I finally feel wanted. Where I could finally breathe.
He didn't speak at first. But I remember his hand resting gently on my head. And I remember the way his shoulders dropped, like he had been carrying a weight too- but hadn't known how much it crushed me too.
That was the moment everything shifted. It was decided. We were leaving.
A new country. A new school. A new chapter and for the first time in a long time, I felt something unfamiliar.
Hope.