I woke up to the smell of strong coffee and the faint sound of humming.
My eyes fluttered open, and the sunlight poured through the wide glass windows of Sebi's condo.
He was sitting at the kitchen counter in grey joggers and a plain white shirt, barefoot, holding a mug in one hand while scrolling through something on his phone.
His mask was off.
His face, exposed. His expression, unreadable.
When he noticed i was awake, he didn't say anything.
He just looked at me.
That kind of look you give someone when you're trying to figure out if they're broken or just pretending to be.
I pushed myself up slowly, the throw blanket falling off my shoulders.
My head was pounding.
My body ached in places that had nothing to do with sleep and everything to do with the weight of the last day.
My throat was dry.
My heart—heavier than ever.
Sebastian finally spoke.
"Are you okay?"
The stupid question.
I didn't answer.
I turned away and stared at the floor.
Because if i looked at him too long, I knew i'd break.
He stood up, walked over, and crouched down beside the couch where I'd passed out last night.
His voice was gentler this time.
"Talk to me. What happened?"
But i stayed quiet.
I didn't want to cry.
Not again.
Not in front of him.
Not when i'd already buried myself in every kind of silence imaginable just to survive.
"You showed up here. Didn't say anything. You looked like—" he exhaled, "—like someone who had nothing left."
Still, nothing from me.
"Mom and Dad called," he added after a pause.
That made me lift my head.
He nodded slowly, like he knew that would get my attention.
"They said… they're sorry. They want to make it up to you."
I laughed under my breath, hollow and bitter. "They said that?"
"Yeah."
"And you believe them?"
He sat on the edge of the coffee table, arms resting on his thighs. "I don't know what to believe anymore. But i thought you should hear it."
I bit the inside of my cheek and looked away.
He leaned forward. "You're not a disappointment, Atasha."
"I didn't say i was."
"You don't have to. I can see it."
That cracked something inside me.
But he didn't stop.
"You walked away from everything you built for yourself. That's not weakness. That's strength. Not everyone has the guts to say, 'I'm done doing this shit.'"
His words stayed in the air like dust caught in sunlight. I hated how much i needed to hear them.
He stood and held out his hand. "Now, come on."
I frowned. "What?"
"We're going out."
"No."
"Yes."
"I look like shit."
"You always look like shit when you sleep on my couch," he grinned. "But today, it doesn't matter."
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why?"
He looked at me like i'd grown another head.
"It's your birthday."
And just like that, my heart dropped.
Right. July 18.
I turned twenty-three today.
And i fucking forgot.
-
We ended up in a hole-in-the-wall ramen spot downtown.
Somewhere Sebi swore no one would recognize him.
He wore a black cap pulled low and an oversized face mask.
Classic incognito mode.
Even i barely recognized him like that.
He still walked a little hunched though, like he was bracing for someone to scream his name anyway.
"Seriously," I muttered as we sat in the booth. "This feels so illegal."
"Relax," he said, sipping his miso broth. "They'll just think i'm your bodyguard."
"You look like a cartoon villain."
"And you look like you haven't showered in three days."
I rolled my eyes. "I haven't."
He grinned. "Happy birthday, princess."
I flicked a chopstick at him.
But even as i sat across from him, half-laughing at his terrible jokes, part of me was still somewhere else.
Somewhere darker.
Until i felt it.
That familiar itch.
Someone was watching us.
I turned my head slowly and froze.
Lorenzo.
Of all people.
Standing near the entrance of the ramen shop, arms crossed, jaw clenched, eyes locked on me like i just slapped him in public.
Fuck.
Sebi noticed my face fall and followed my gaze.
"Who's that?"
Before i could answer, Lorenzo was already walking over.
"What the fuck is this?" he hissed, standing beside the table.
People turned their heads, sensing tension.
Sebi straightened immediately, protective. His eyes darkened beneath the cap.
I stood up fast. "Lorenzo, not here."
"This is what you've been up to?" he snapped. "You're out here with some guy while ignoring me for two days?"
My eyes widened. "You don't get to act like this."
"I fucking called you."
"And i didn't answer. That's your answer."
Sebi stood up too now, a full head taller than Lorenzo.
Calm.
Controlled.
But dangerous.
"Is there a problem?" he asked coolly.
Lorenzo sneered. "Yeah. There is. Who the hell are you?"
Sebi reached up and slowly pulled off his mask.
Lorenzo's face flickered in confusion. Recognition hit him like a brick.
"You're—wait—"
"Her brother," Sebi said flatly. "Older brother."
Lorenzo blinked.
Twice.
Then stepped back.
"Oh."
"Yeah," I said, arms crossed. "Oh."
Silence fell.
A thick, awkward silence.
Lorenzo cleared his throat. "I… didn't know."
"No shit."
"I thought—fuck." He rubbed his jaw. "Sorry."
"You storm in here like you own me," I snapped. "Newsflash: you don't."
"I know."
"Then why the hell are you acting like this?"
He opened his mouth, then shut it again.
No answers. No defense.
Sebi put his mask back on, jaw clenched, eyes still on him. "Maybe you should leave."
Lorenzo didn't argue.
He just gave me one last look.
And walked out.
We didn't say much after that.
Sebi walked me back to his place, gave me his extra phone charger, and told me he had rehearsals early the next day.
"You'll be okay?" he asked at the door.
I nodded.
He hugged me tight. "Happy birthday again."
Then he left.
And the second the elevator doors closed—
My phone buzzed.
Lorenzo: I'm outside.
I found him standing by the curb, half-leaning on the side of his car, hands in his pockets like he wasn't the same man who just caused a scene in public.
His posture was casual—almost bored.
Typical Lorenzo.
Calm on the outside, cold as ice, always pretending nothing ever touched him.
"Didn't think you'd come out," he said as i stepped into the open air.
"Didn't think you'd still be here," I shot back.
He didn't answer that.
He never answered things like that.
Just pushed off the car, unlocked the doors with a click, and walked around to the driver's seat like we didn't just yell at each other an hour ago in front of twenty strangers.
I got in anyway.
Because that's who we were.
Always one choice away from another mistake.
The drive was quiet.
Seoul passed by in a blur of headlights and neon.
I didn't ask where we were going.
He didn't offer to tell me.
Eventually, we pulled up near a park i hadn't been to in years.
Dimly lit.
Half-empty.
Familiar in the worst kind of way.
He cut the engine and stepped out.
I followed.
We sat on the swings, a few feet apart, not speaking.
The wind moved softly between us.
Everything was still, like time had paused to let us fall back into whatever this was again.
Finally, I spoke.
"Why are you here, Lorenzo?"
He didn't turn to me.
Just stared straight ahead. "I don't know."
I scoffed. "Bullshit."
He inhaled, deep and slow. "You were with someone."
"So?"
"So it bothered me."
I turned to look at him. "You have no right."
"I know."
"That was my brother, by the way! If you forgot."
He glanced at me. "Didn't look like it at first."
"You don't know everything."
"I never claimed i did."
I folded my arms. "You think you can ghost me for days and then throw a fit because i'm eating noodles with someone else?"
"I didn't ghost you."
"Oh, right. You were just 'busy with Jaz? Jade or whatever her name was.'"
He didn't respond.
That silence between us, it wasn't peaceful. It was the kind that made you want to scream. Like there were a thousand words clawing at your throat but your pride kept them all locked in.
He leaned forward, elbows on knees. "Why him?"
I blinked. "Excuse me?"
"That guy. Your brother. Why go to him?"
I looked at him like he was insane. "Because he's my fucking family, Lorenzo."
"I didn't know that."
"Well, now you do."
More silence.
"I forgot my birthday," I said suddenly, my voice cracking. "I literally forgot it."
He didn't say anything.
"I woke up on his couch this morning and didn't even know what day it was."
Still nothing.
I let out a shaky breath. "You didn't ask."
He looked at me now, slowly. "Ask what?"
"If i was okay."
He studied me. "Would it have changed anything?"
I blinked. "Maybe not. But it would've meant something."
His jaw tightened. "You're not mine, Anastasia. You never were."
"And yet here you are."
He stood up.
I thought he was going to leave.
But instead, he turned to me, eyes darker than usual.
"Get in the car."
I didn't move.
"Why?"
He didn't answer.
Just stared at me like he dared me to refuse.
And of course… I didn't.
We didn't speak in the elevator.
Or in the hallway.
Or when he opened the door to that hotel room - room 714.
He threw his keys on the dresser.
I sat on the edge of the bed, heart in my throat.
"You want this?" he asked flatly, standing across from me.
I nodded.
He took two steps forward. "No confusion tomorrow?"
"No promises."
He didn't laugh.
He didn't smile.
Instead, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside.
Then he kissed me, hard, breathless, like punishment. Like he needed to erase the image of me with someone else from his memory.
We tore into each other like we were angry. Maybe we were.
There was no music.
No romance.
Just skin and frustration and the kind of closeness that always left us lonelier in the end.
When it was over, I rolled over to the edge of the bed, away from him.
The silence was louder than any moan we made.
I stared at the ceiling. "Why do you always come back?"
He didn't answer.
Typical.
I pulled the sheet around me tighter. "Why me, Lorenzo?"
Still no response.
So i turned to face him.
His eyes were open, unfocused.
He looked like a man who hadn't slept in days.
"Do you even like me?" I asked, voice barely above a whisper.
He blinked, slow. "I don't think i know how to like anyone properly."
That hurt more than a no.
But i nodded.
Because i already knew that.
I sat up and reached for my clothes.
"You leaving?" he asked, voice hoarse.
"Yeah."
"You don't have to."
"I do."
He didn't stop me.
I dressed in silence.
Before i left, I stood by the door for a second.
"It was my birthday today," I said again, quieter now.
He looked up, barely. "Happy birthday."
I waited for more.
But of course, that was all he said.
-
I ended up walking through the city alone.
No makeup. No heels. Just me and my thoughts.
And the ache that sat in my chest like something unfinished.
I passed strangers holding hands.
I passed a birthday cake shop still open.
I passed the digital billboard flashing Sebi's face again, glowing blue with words like #1 in the world and Solstice comeback stage.
And for a second, I thought of how different he was.
How when he hugged me this morning, I felt like someone who mattered. Like someone who didn't have to ask for space, or affection, or respect.
Then i remembered the look in Lorenzo's eyes tonight.
The nothingness.
And how maybe, that nothing hurt more than hatred ever could.
Because at least hate meant you felt something.
I reached Sebi's building an hour later.
The guards let me in without question. I took the elevator up in silence.
When i got inside, the lights were off but the scent of coffee still lingered in the air.
I sat on his couch, curled into a ball, and let my head fall back.
No tears.
Just quiet.
And for the first time in a long time, I whispered to myself, "You deserve better."
I didn't believe it yet.
But maybe one day i would.