To be able to hook up an entire wagon to oxen when you were 50 centimeters tall was like doing the impossible and then asking for the next hardest thing.
But Dobri the Gnome didn't care. Nor did he care that he could not urge the oxen forward.
For there was no need for rushing. The cart was full to the brim with things he had bought with the last of his inheritance.
Silk bushels rested next to lovely, enchanted robes. From an enchanter who was still learning the craft, yes, but knew his stuff.
Everything was neatly covered with a piece of cloth.
It hadn't rained in days. The dust was kicked up by the oxen with each step they took.
He was going to strike it big, Dobri knew.
And, as with all the other fools who think they know something but do not, he was doomed to failure.
The orcs came out of nowhere. His oxen gave only a sound of protest before they were untied from the wagon.
Dobri stood there, on the wagon's bench, looking at the orcs who were taking off with the only means he had to transport his hopes and dreams to the market in Mirstone.
"You know, Fred," one of the orcs said as he patted one of the oxen. "I think that these ghost wagons are the best thing in the world!"
"Yep, Nate," Fred said, as he pinched his ox at the side. "Very good for the dinner! And remember, Mom is coming in two hours! We have to start grilling as soon as possible!"
"But Fred! What of the wagon?" Nate asked. He threw another look back at the cart. He could swear there was something on the wagon's bench, but it was too small, and his eyesight was not like it used to be.
"This trash? Some silk and poorly made robes. Nothing to bother with!"
The two orcs burst out laughing.
Dobri's eyes narrowed.
"There is a witch in the woods," Dobri said, not bothering to whisper. The orcs were gone. The dust their running had kicked up was now on top of his blanket. Probably even sipping through and making a mess out of his wares. "And if there is a witch, there is a way!"
Dobri began to climb down the stairway he had made at the side of his wagon.
Vengeance in his heart.
****
The witch's hut was exactly as Dobri remembered it from his last time visiting to get his foot fungus infection treated.
The old witch was sipping something that smelled very strongly of alcohol and giggling to herself.
Dobri nodded his approval.
The best witch was always a drunk witch. The less she understood from human speech, the better!
"Dearest Gildana!" Dobri began as he sat on the chair opposite her. A magical chair that enlarged itself or shrunk, depending on who sat on it.
One could call Gildana many things, but one could not put her customer support skills to the question.
"My oxen were stolen," Dobri continued, as the witch began to blink at him. She set the glass so that half of its contents spilled out of it.
Dobri grinned.
This was going to be easy!
"And since I am paying for my trader's insurance by you, I would like to get some revenge curses and my oxen back! Thank you!"
Gildana snorted.
"Here, you have to fill in the form first." The witch handed him a thick book. "Then send it per mail. I don't make the rules!"
Dobri furrowed his eyebrows.
"It was easier to pay for the insurance, as to activate it, is it so? You don't make the rules, you say! Well, you will hear from my lawyer!"
Gildana snorted.
"Here are my terms and conditions. You are welcome to give them to your lawyer to read through," she pointed at a section with a yellow fingernail. "Here it is written that you first have to make a claim, and then, after I am done with looking it over, and if there was an accident, you will get new oxen and some curses. But before you file the claim, I can't do anything."
Dobri looked at the thick book with the form. Then at the even thicker book with the terms and conditions.
Something was wrong.
Gildana was drunk! So, why was she such a gatekeeper right now?
"Ok, I'll fill out the form." Dobri opened the first page. The instructions were written there. He began to list through them.
Only to reach the spot where he had to say what the problem was.
He narrowed his eyes. If he told Gildana that he was unharmed, then she was going to tell him that there was no accident.
But if he told her that he was beaten up, then he was sure that he would get his oxen back!
His shoulder angel shook his head.
"She is not drunk, my friend. You can't possibly pull her leg now that she is looking at you like a hawk."
The shoulder demon also pipped in.
"You live life only once, my man! What do you want? To become a trader, or to be tied to this claim for the better part of the year?"
"Gildana cooked the last person who was not truthful with the claim, you know?" The shoulder angel reminded them.
The shoulder demon bowed his head.
Dobri began to fill in his accident the way it happened.
As soon as he was done, Gildana took out a truth pendant and began to scan the document.
"You know," the witch said, as she smiled at his completed form. "I can't bring back your oxen. They are probably now grilling with a split coming from one end and going out the other. But since there was an accident, and you didn't lie, I can give you my oxen to pull your cart! Do bring them back after the trade run!"
"Wait." Dobri protested. "I have been paying insurance for the better part of the last two years, and I have to bring the oxen back?"
The witch nodded.
Dobri took the glass with now lukewarm water the witch had left for him when he had sat down and drank it dry.
Cursing life, the orcs, the witch, the orcs again, and then standing up to get two oxen, which were bigger than himself, back to his cart.
Hoping the cart was still there all the while…