Opening Theme:
"Welcome back, ghouls and goals! This is Episode 3 of Death Talks, the only podcast recorded from inside the soul queue. I'm your host, Taro Kuronuma, writer, wanderer, unwilling isekai candidate."
"Today's topic: 'Ghosting the Afterlife – When Your Destiny Is Mid.'"
Riku stood in the hallway of Soul Intake Sector 9B with his jaw literally unhinged.
Behind the frosted glass, Taro Kuronuma was perched on a translucent cube, wearing pixelated sunglasses and speaking into a mic he wasn't supposed to have. A queue of souls formed behind him, each waiting for their guest segment.
"WHERE," Riku asked through clenched teeth, "did he get a neon ON AIR sign?"
"He made it out of karma fog and spite," Ginger Snap muttered.
"Why do I hear lo-fi beats?" Madame Macaron snapped, her teacup vibrating from bass.
"It's his intro music," said Éclair, dead-eyed. "He uploaded it to LimboTube."
Meanwhile, on the Podcast…
Taro leaned into the mic. "Joining me today is Soul #7821A, who tragically perished during a botched soup speedrun."
The ghost beside him sniffled. "I didn't even get to boil the water."
"That's life, buddy," Taro said, patting him. "Or... well. Death."
Audience laugh track: ethereal giggling.
He turned to camera two, also made of karma fog.
"And later, we'll discuss how reincarnation requests are being mishandled by outdated celestial systems. Is fate rigged? Or are y'all just afraid of letting hot people be dragon knights?"
The queue applauded.
Death Talks – Episode Highlights:
Interview with Soul #10003B: Died during an "eat 50 tacos in 10 minutes" challenge. Ghost still burps spectral hot sauce.
Taro's Hot Take: "All chosen-ones are just nepotism babies with swords."
Fashion Segment: "How to haunt your ex in style: scarves with built-in sob aura."
New Merch Tease: Ghost-approved crop tops with "Unfinished Business" in glowing font.
"HE'S MONETIZING LIMBO," Ginger Snap screeched. "Do you see this? He has ghost sponsorships."
Macaron nearly swallowed her monocle. "He's selling afterlife planner stickers!"
"Three episodes, and he's got fan art," Karma-1 whispered in awe.
"Do you know what he did yesterday?" Riku muttered. "He tried to unionize the souls."
Bureau Emergency Meeting
TOPIC: The Taro ProblemAgenda:
Stop podcast.
Block soul-hacking abilities.
Prevent bureaucratic meltdown via Too Much Sass.
Burn all "Team Taro" buttons in the gift shop.
Macaron slammed her teacup down. "We are the divine center of reincarnation! Not... Spotify for the recently deceased!"
Snicker Dude popped in. "Hey, I subscribed. His guest about the haunted accordion was hilarious."
"GET OUT."
Taro's latest broadcast opened with him lounging in a beanbag chair made of karma mist.
"Greetings, listeners. I want you to know, I tried to reincarnate the normal way. I really did. But the system is broken. Souls are bored. Queue snacks are nonexistent. Rebirth is RANDOMIZED."
He stood, wind dramatically billowing his cape (magic fan provided by Soul #2135Q, a ghostly drama teacher).
"I deserve something epic. A sword. A prophecy. A tragic backstory with musical underscore."
The soul audience clapped.
Emergency Memo from Riku:
New Assignment for Soul T-K666
Reincarnate immediately
No podcasting privileges
No capes
DESTINY: Grimdark RPG Tutorial NPC
Class: Non-playable
Skills: None
Pay: Zero
Insurance: Only covers rat bites
Taro stared into the swirling reincarnation gate.
Riku stood beside it, arms folded. "You're done, Kuronuma. Reboot time."
"You're afraid of my truth," Taro replied, adjusting his shades. "But fine. I'll go."
He stepped dramatically to the edge. "But when I return, I'll have fans. And armor."
"You're going to be an NPC," Riku said. "You respawn in a tent."
"Perfect," Taro said, grinning. "I've always wanted to monologue in a tent."
SPLASH.He was gone.