Eyes grew weary in bed, not a wink of sleep gotten
Picking myself up, my hair messy and ruffled,I slid my slippers on
I wasn't used to this quietness, with a yawn, I picked up my toothbrush from the counter and headed to the sink
My brush moved continuously against my teeth and tongue as my mind zoned out, everything was still a daze
I don't remember much that occurred last night, trying to remember was like, trying to catch sand particles in the air
Dropping the brush and rinsing my mouth, I winced slightly as the water splashed on my hands,
Turning my face to my knuckles, I stared wearily at the bruises , before letting my hands fall freely,
With my eyelids forcing themselves to stay open,I turned off the robot vacuum and picked up the floor sweeper and started sweeping
The weather was humid and it was still a bit dark out, immediately after doing the chore
I found nothing else to do and just started walking around the house, finding nothing useful to be seen or explored
After exploring every nook and cranny of the house, I finally made my last stop, my parents bedroom, there were two doors
My parents slept in one and the other was always locked, staring at my parents door, it finally dawned to me, that they didn't come back, the day before and are still not back
I still don't remember what happened yesterday, almost as if I slept and my memory was wiped..
All I remembered was that I dialed my mother's number and then nothing else, like an erased CCTV footage, cleared, all i knew was that I woke up in bed, with a throbbing pain in my head and an ache In arm and fingers
Rubbing my temples, I sat down at the cold wooden floor, staring at the door, I had never been allowed to go in
Just like many areas in the house, always secluded, well to me at least
Directing my focus to the painting on the walls, I scanned it , my eyes tracing through the details,it was so odd,
A blank canvas
Nothing special, just a blank canvas
getting up to my feet , I approached the painting, trailing my fingers through the gesso ,I huffed, it simply had no meaning, what could a blank canvas possibly potray
I'll never understand the works of my mother's mind, the painting, so big yet so useless, I muttered as I left it,
Walking to the roof scuttle, pulling down the ladder and climbing in
The attic was big and spaced, diligently painted, with a mix of white and rich brown, if my memory serves right, mother always referred to the brown color as kobicha
Walking along the vast space, I felt nothing but like a forlon figure, there were no boxes filled with memories, nothing to reminese through, no baby photos or achievement awards hung up on the fridge. Come to think of it, I don't remember most of my childhood memories,
Not all of them thou, still remembered some, the ones with gran- ma-ma , but everything apart from that was kind of rushed, turning around to look at the empty room, it's walls untouched with time, the tiles as polished as ever
This had been where we decided to settle down after years of constantly moving, for some reason, my parents decided they liked here
We had seen and been to better places, but for some reason they decided here was best
Their way of thinking was so abstract, yet so composed, I Revere them so much,
With the eerie quietness from the attic, I decided it was time i took my leave
Climbing down from the ladder, almost slipping at the last step, I raised the ladder up, making my way back to the sitting room
I really don't know where they all might be, were they still ignoring me
Ugh.. I can't handle the silence, pacing back and forth, while biting my nails, I kept worrying as to where they might have gone to
Good thing school wasn't open today, cause if it was, I knew for a fact, I wouldn't be able to concentrate, the more I paced, the more woozy, the room became, my head spinning as I continued walking to and fro
Heaving back into the couch, I sighed and rubbed my temples, greatly stressed
I just need sleep,but I..I can't, the anxiety attacks come worse at those times when I'm vulnerable and asleep,
Leaning into the couch, I closed my eyes, letting those worrying thoughts pass through
Opening my eyes and looking up to the clock hung above
Uh..I sighed as I realized it was already 1 o'clock pm , yeeting myself up to my feet, causing that dumb orthostatic hypotension to act up, I quickly fell back, groaning as i held my head
Curses
Either this was a sign or I was just cursed
Gently standing this time, I walked to the marble tiled kitchen floor, heading to the electric gas cooker and switching it on, dropping the water boiler on top of it
I sat by the kitchen one seater , tapping my face against the floor anxiously
For some reason, the wheezing sounds of the boiler brings comfort to my aching heart
Standing up from chair and heading to the quaking boiler, I pressed my palm against it, my thoughts zoning out, .... until the pain receptors decided to snap me out of my trance, wincing as I waved my hand, roughly against the air
I stepped back and switched off the cooker, pouring the water into a cup, with a sigh,I sat there and watched as the gas motioned upwards, watching the movement with bored fascination, staring at it for a while until the smoke stopped rising
Throwing my head up, I watched the ceiling, my eyes glistening with the chandelier
Nothing brought more solace in this world than understanding one's self, it was actually depressing, picking up the cup, I opened the garbage shuut and chucked it in
Moving away from the kitchen, I headed to my room, taking off my slippers as I stepped inside the bathroom, pulling off my clothes and folding them against the desk, slowly turning on the tap
The water slowly rose, covering up the tub steadily, dipping my feet in embracing it's warmness, I slowly sank in, shutting my mind off as I buried my head underneath, soaking it all in, I never wanted to get up
The tap continued flowing water, while my head remained submerged, as the tub continued getting filled, the water soon started overflowing as my body remained still , underwater, motionless, as the water kept pouring over, my arms suddenly sprang up,panickingly searching for the tap, with my breathing becoming more ragged and hushed, I bolted my head up, hitting it forcibly on the rim, causing my body to fall back in, resulting to more water splashing out
With my head falling deeper into the tub, I saw nothing but the drowsy gaze of the water, suddenly all the energy drained from my body as my muscles grew numb
Soon the bubbling slowly stopped, causing some of the water to enter my mouth
Soon everything slowly started turning dimmer , accepting my fate, I relaxed my tense muscles as my head rested on the bottom of the tub
My heart still beating fast, as my lungs burned painfully,
My body soon grew too numb to feel anything, dumbest way to die, honestly
Soon everything went blank, as I plunged to my demise, my brain flashed to the canvas hung by the side of the wall of my parents door
It still didn't make a lot of sense to me, I once heard from somewhere that if someone was about to die, their brain gives them a flashback of one of the best moments of their life
Why did my own brain show me, just a blank canvas, huuh
....The door flinging open, my half unconscious body heard something like footsteps rushing over
My hair soaked with water was suddenly moved as thick hands dove in, picking me up, and at that moment, my mind fully went blank
Unconscious for a couple of hours and not being able to recognize the rate of time
Suddenly stirring immediately after hearing a jingle, fluttering my eyes open, coughing heavily as I shot up, with a heavy breath
Looking around, but not a single drop of water on the floor, getting out, quickly wrapping a towel against myself, rushing out of the bathroom and looking around the house but still greeted by that same eerie silence
It was quite evident that there was no other living thing here except me
Hurrying back to the bathroom, I examined it, but nothing, the gate wasn't open
Had I slept in the bath tub and just had a night terror, going to the mirror I checked my head. , No extra bruises,
Still feeling uneasy, I headed over to the wardrobe and got dressed, looking outside, nothing the sky had gone down, what an uneventful day, how long had I slept in there
Stepping out to the balcony, I tried resisting the urge to call my mother and ask her,why I had called the day before
Watching the sun go down, I breathed a sigh of relief at the serenity
Life bites, hard, leaning my head by the bench, I tried imagining them but the more the sun went down , the more my anxiousness increased
I wish they were home, I really do , with a gentle thud, my head rested against the relaxing gesture of the bench, as my nails caressed my skin, stroking it,
The silence seemed so loud now