The first thing I did when my eyes blinked open was pray it had all been a dream.
The hooded figure, the words that hollowed me out from the inside, the letters sitting heavy in my hands, Tyler's knowing gaze—all of it. Maybe I'd wake up and find myself in a different reality, one where Brayan was still alive, one where I wasn't dragging secrets like chains across every room I walked into.
But reality has a cruel way of reminding you it's real.
The sunlight pouring through my window was too bright and painful, too heavy on my skin. The envelope with my college acceptance letter still lay on the desk, crumpled at the edges from how tightly I'd clutched it last night. And my pillow was still damp from the tears I'd never admit to shedding.
I buried my face into the mattress, groaning. "Please, let me wake up again."
But of course, I didn't.
The days blurred after that. Endless classes , Late-night studying and all. Our Final exams was looming over us like vultures waiting to pick at our bones. Everyone at school buzzed with the same mix of dread and excitement, but for me, there was only this low, constant hum of exhaustion.
Tyler noticed. Of course, he did. He always notices.
"You haven't been eating properly, you look skinny." he muttered one afternoon, sliding a granola bar across my desk while we hunched over practice tests in the library.
"I'm fine."
"You're not but you keep saying that for weeks now." His tone was like that of a concern boyfriend but he is not . A boyfriend I mean
And I snapped, harsher than I meant to. "Why do you care? Just focus on your own life."
The way he looked at me—hurt flickering across his face before he schooled it into something cold. Should have been enough to make me apologize. But pride and fear are twin poisons, and I drank from both too often.
So instead, we studied in silence, the distance between us widening with every tick of the clock.
It happened two nights before the last exam.
I'd gone outside to breathe, trying to drown in the night sky instead of my own thoughts. Tyler followed, like he always does, as though tethered to me by something invisible.
"You've been avoiding me," he said flatly.
"I haven't."
"You have. And I'm tired of pretending not to notice. Just..." He exhaled hard, dragging a hand through his hair. "If this is about Brayan again then..."
"Don't." My voice cracked sharper than I intended. "Don't bring him into this."
"Why not? He was my brother!"
"And he was my friend!" I shot back, chest heaving. "And now he's gone, and all anyone can do is blame or hide or pretend everything's fine. I can't..."
"Then don't pretend," Tyler cut in. "Don't shut me out. You think I don't see what's happening? You're walking the same road he did.He started acting just like you right now.And I can't—" His voice broke for the first time. "I can't lose you too."
The words slammed into me, and for a heartbeat, I almost broke. Almost let myself fall into him. But then the hooded figure's warning replayed in my head: Do you really want to follow him?
And I panicked.
"Maybe it's better if you do lose me," I whispered.
The silence that followed was deafening.
Tyler winced like I'd hit him. Then his jaw locked, eyes turning to ice. "Fine. Maybe it is . If that is what you want."
I just reply with a "yes". Even if I know that's not what I truly want.
That night, we ended whatever fragile thing we'd been building. It all just went away within the blink of an eye.
Prom came too quickly, wrapped in glitter and lies. Everyone pretending to be honest and loyal.
Dan showed up with Micah on his arm, I've missed him too . Their smiles were bright. Tyler walked in with Katie, his hand resting casually on her lower back like he'd practiced the move in the mirror. Well, ouch. A part of me was expecting that anyway. And me? I went alone, my reflection mocking me in the black suit I'd barely wanted to wear.
The gym was strung with fairy lights, music pulsing through the air. Everyone laughed, danced, kissed. But I felt like a ghost walking among the living.
When the slow song came on, Tyler spun Katie under the lights, his smile small but real. And something inside me cracked so loudly I swore people could hear it.
Dan caught my eye once, his gaze unreadable, then quickly looked away.
I stayed until midnight, then slipped out without saying goodbye. My feet carried me back to Brayan's spot by the tracks, where I sat until dawn painted the sky in bruised colors.
Graduation graduation cam and went by fast. We took a lot of Family photos, we engaged in hugs that felt more like performances and speeches I couldn't remember. Not like it mattered anyway.
And then it was time to leave.
Tyler's dad could've written a check to any Ivy League school and bought him a spot, but Tyler didn't go. He chose the same affordable college I did, though in a different state. Maybe out of spite. Maybe out of loyalty he didn't want to admit.
The night before we left, I sat in my room, staring at the acceptance letter again. Freedom, the paper promised. A chance to start over. I hope to do just that. Start over.
But when I thought of Tyler packing just a few streets away, of the empty seat he'd leave behind at the dinner table, freedom tasted bitter.
We didn't say goodbye properly. Just a stiff nod when our paths crossed in the driveway, our parents bustling with luggage and last-minute instructions.
And then we drove in opposite directions, leaving behind the wreckage of secrets, shame, and everything we hadn't been brave enough to say.
I pressed my forehead against the car window, watching the town shrink in the rearview mirror.
I wanted to believe the pain would stay behind with it.
But deep down, I knew I was carrying it with me.
Carrying him with me.
And I wasn't sure if that was a curse…or the only thing keeping me alive.