Tarou Shiozawa POV
It's human nature for others to seek out the companion ship of another and form a group with a single alpha to lead them.
I thought glancing over to Yuigahama's group that consisted of Yumiko Miura, Hayama Hayato, Ebina Hina, and the three NPCs with them.
"Oh, for reals that is so cool," one of the NPC's with orange hair said slinging his arm over another student that had bought out his gaming system.
I think it was 'Tobi' or something.
In a way it's kind of similar to animals I thought watching as 'Tobi' casually took the other's console despite the uncomfortable look the NPC student had.
I clicked my tongue.
It was subtle, but you could see it the dominance play Tobi or whatever his stupid name was had no real interest in the console itself.
It was all about display.
About reinforcing his place in the hierarchy and the other guy? He wouldn't push back not because he didn't want to, but because he couldn't. The moment he did he'd be marked and ostracized. Perhaps not by the group directly but by the invisible social pressure that suffocated schools like this.
Pack mentality.
Hayama's group was no different just more refined. Hayama himself was the Alpha handsome, athletic, and above all, likable. The kind of guy people naturally gravitated toward, someone who didn't have to exert force to stay at the top he simply was the top.
Yuigahama laughed at something Ebina said her smile bright, voice rising above the morning chatter she looked... comfortable.
No rather I should say, safe.
In a group like that you were shielded by the collective you didn't have to think too hard, you didn't have to fight, all you had to do was simply exist.
Smile, Nod, and Agree with everyone.
I turned back to my essay sketching a detailed picture of a wolf.
While there are wolves out there who instinctively seek out to achieve the pack mentality I preferred to be the lone wolf.
As the Lone Wolf I alone am the Alpha.
I don't need to compromise.
I don't beg to be accepted by people who would sooner throw me to other predators than walk beside me.
Because here's the truth no one wants to hear:
The pack doesn't protect you it only contains you.
They box you in under the guise of friendship, choke you with expectations, bury your individuality beneath shallow smiles, and surface-level approval.
People call it "belonging."
I prefer to call it for what it really was...submission.
They say humans are social creatures that we need others to thrive and maybe that's true for them. The ones who can stomach pretending every single day just to avoid being alone. The ones who'll laugh at jokes they don't find funny, nod at opinions they don't believe in, and trade their integrity for applause.
But me? I'd sooner walk through hell than fake my way into someone's circle.
I'm not interested in meaningless chatter or parties where everyone secretly hates each other's guts the moment the lights go off. I have no use for back-patting alliances built on convenience. That kind of connection is paper-thin and soaked in gasoline one spark and boom it all burns to ash.
However, a lone wolf doesn't ever have to watch his back he is his own back.
I don't need people who only value me when I'm useful to them.
Who smile to my face and talk behind my back.
Who would step over my broken body if it meant getting one step closer to popularity or affection.
I'd take solitude over hypocrisy any day over that.
At least when I'm alone I know who and what I am I don't have to lie to myself or wear some metaphorical mask just to feel seen. My truth is jagged, rough, and probably unlikable but it's mine and that makes it worth something.
I paused placing my pencil down and stood up to turn in the assignment.
If reincarnation was real...then I'd like to be the Lone Wolf.
.
.
.
I am having a strange case of deja vu right now I thought as both Hikigaya and I stood in front of Hiratsuka-sensei who was at the moment shoving our essays into our faces.
"You two really gave some serious thoughts to both Bears and Wolves," she said pulling the papers back while staring us down.
"I thought you were supposed to be a modern Japanese teacher," Hachiman said.
"Yeah, and last I checked you weren't a Biology teacher," I added with an annoyed frown.
"I am supposed to give you two life guidance," sensei interrupted placing both of our papers down "that's why the Biology teacher told me to assign this theme, so tell me you two which part of these two papers is about the ecology of wild animals?"
"It's a powerful anthesis on the social habits of wild animals," Hachiman gave his response.
"It's a critique of both the norms and the inherent flaws of Wolves and their pack mentality," I said crossing my arms as if daring her to challenge it.
"Geez you two make it sound like living in groups is a sin," Hiratsuka-sensei said rubbing her forehead.
I rose a brow at that "wait but aren't you single?" I asked.
"Yeah, and you also live by yourself-" Hachiman was cut off as both of us received strong gut punches.
We gasped kneeling over while Hiratsuka turned back to face her desk with a huff.
Right somehow, I keep forgetting how sensitive she gets about being single I thought.
"Anyways did that request for help go well?" she suddenly asked as both Hikigaya and I struggled to recover our barring's from her surprise gut punch attack.
"Well, she seemed pretty satisfied with our services," Hachiman replied.
"A-Although it almost did cost us our lives," I said letting out few coughs.
"By the way I wanted to ask what's with that showdown you talked about the other day?" Hachiman inquired.
"Huh? Show down?" I asked completely confused since I didn't remember anything about that.
"Oh...right you weren't there for that Tarou since you stormed off but basically sensei said that whoever can achieve the most completion in acts of Service with our own methods can make the loser do whatever they want," he explained.
"You two don't have to worry about that I'll be passing my own one-sided judgement on the outcome it's all locked up in here," Hiratsuka sensei replied tapping her chest which caused her incredible assets to bounce a bit I thought as both Hikigaya and I glanced away with a cough.
"Oh and by the way what are your guy's opinion of Yukino?" Hiratsuka suddenly asked.
Hikigaya let out a hum of thought before replying "don't like her."
I shrugged deciding to be blunt with her "horribly idealistic and naive."
"I see...well she's a bright student if you ask me but those who have more than others carry their own burdens in their own way," Hiratsuka said closing her eyes momentarily "she's actually very sweet and sometimes she's right but the rest of the world is neither sweet nor right must be hard for her," she admitted.
"You three are really such troubling kids it just makes me worried you'll have trouble adapting to society. Which is why it makes me want to bring you guys together in one place," sensei continued placing her hands into her coat.
I doubt any positive outcome will happen from that I inwardly thought. After all the three of us don't get along at all what's so ever if anything both Hikigaya and I are like lit candles that do communicate but never step out from the boundary of the candle while Yukinoshita is like an ice cube.
"What is that room a sanatorium?" Hachiman suddenly asked.
"Yeah maybe!" Hiratuska sensei said with a laugh "but you kids are fun to watch that's why I want to keep you all close by," she confessed.
My eyes twitched at that "oi, oi, our lives aren't some kind of highschool slice of life rom-com anime for you to watch sensei," I complained but still she continued to laugh.
.
.
.
Later That Day in Class
Normally I'd go up to the roof of the school or the back of the school without having to worry about any people I thought chewing on my Yakisoba and leaning back against the classroom wall while discreetly observing everyone else.
Both Hikigaya and I's sitting arrangements were pretty close he sat in the desk just in front of me while I sat behind him.
The two of us sort of have this mutual acquaintance thing amongst ourselves when were not at the club room probably because of the fact that were both loners that are no doubt monsters of pure logic.
Sometimes we'd hang out during lunch just randomly talking about things, nothing deep or personal just stuff related to light novels, anime, and video games.
Other times we'd eat separately at our own respective favorite spots in the school.
However, when it's raining so intensely like this then I have nowhere to go I thought looking outside the window with a mental sigh.
"Aww Hayato," the voice of Yuigahama's group of fakers captures both mine and Hikigaya's attentions.
"I can't go today I have my club," Hayama said with his best apologetic smile.
"Can't you skip just for one day?" Miura questioned "there's a great deal on double scoops at 41 Flavors today I want a chocolate and chocolate one," she said.
Ugh popular firequeen girls like her make me sick.
Let me explain people like Miura are the type who wield popularity like a bludgeon expecting the world to rearrange itself around their whims. She's not interested in Hayama's company she's interested in keeping him on her golden pedestal. A shiny golden pedestal that tells the rest of the world he's mine and mine only so don't get any ideas.
It's not love and it's not even friendship but rather possession disguised as affection.
Control dressed up in lip gloss and trendy boots.
People like her thrive on shallow dynamics like who's in, who's out, and who gets to sit where at lunch.
Hayama? He'll smile that perfect model grin, soften his voice, and decline oh-so-politely but make no mistake he's not some victim.
He knows how to play this game better than anyone else here.
He'll flash that flawless smile of his dropping a charming excuse, and leave them wanting more.
On most occasions though, he'll either go along with everyone because his nice guy and dependable image is further reinforced then it is now.
If I am being honest every interaction with him is like watching a masterclass in passive manipulation.
It's revolting.
I take another bite of my yakisoba, letting the spicy heat distract from the bitter taste building in my mouth.
Not from the food just from the bullshit that I am witnessing.
"I swear, they act like the world ends if Hayama doesn't come to eat ice cream," I mutter under my breath.
Hikigaya turns his head slightly having heard me "that's because their world does revolve around him," he murmurs, just loud enough for me to hear.
I snort "then it must be a pretty shallow orbit."
He doesn't respond but I catch the edge of a smirk on his face.
"Those are both chocolate hahaha," Hayama replied with a laugh that didn't even seem genuine more like machine really.
"They're totally different and I am really hungry," Miura complained.
Beside her I spotted Yuigahama looking like she really wanted to say something but instead simply forced a smile on her face.
"Besides that, you'll live to regret it if you eat too much," Hayama added.
"Well, I don't gain weight no matter how much I eat," Miura haughtily declared.
"Yeah, you totally look like a super model your legs are gorgeous," Yuigahama praised but soon trailed off "so anyways I wanted to..."
Her acts of simping disturb me greatly....actually scratch that any and all acts of simping will always disturb me.
Still, I could tell she really wanted to say something to Miura but clearly afraid to whatever reaction she might have.
"You think so?" Miura asked interlacing her fingers together.
Oi just who the hell do you think you are to use the pose of Ikari Gendo.
"But that Yukinoshita girl looks even more amazing doesn't she?" Miura suddenly questioned.
And there it is...like every loudmouthing popular queen even someone like Yumiko Miura will have self-conscious issues and the subject of said issues was clearly Yukinoshita.
No doubt she definitely doesn't like Yukinoshita at all probably sees her as some sort of hated rival/arch-enemy.
"Yeah, Yukinon is amazing...." Yuigahama complimented only to get interrupted "Yukinon?" Miura suddenly asked.
Both Hikigaya and I were now fully locked in discreetly watching the entire conversation going down.
"Uh but you look way more glamorous Yumiko," Yuigahama said to try and fix her mood.
"Oh, why not I can go with you after my club," Hayama suddenly interrupted.
Smooth move their Prince Charming, you saw how the situation was starting to escalate so in order to not only shift the attention you also prevented a potential 'fight' that could have affected the overall group.
"Okay Hayato send me a text," Miura said the previous matter with Yukinoshita now seemingly dropped just like that.
Awkwardly Yuigahama would glance at us from the corner of her eye but neither of us said or did anything to incline that we noticed instead we just kept eating our Lunch.
"Um...I've got somewhere I need to go for Lunch," Yuigahama interrupted.
"Yeah? Well then could you pick me up some lemon tea for me? I forgot to bring a drink today," Miura requested.
"Uh but I won't be back until fifth period...I'll be gone for all of lunch so I don't know if I can," Yuigahama awkwardly informed.
"Huh what are you saying? You haven't been very sociable lately Yui," well looks like the 'Queen' doesn't like that her 'servant' is now starting to independently shift away from the 'pack' too much.
"Well, you might say it's kinda out of my hands I hate to let personal matters take me away but...," Yuigahama nervously began but hesitated to continue.
"That doesn't tell me anything just say it straight! We're friends, right?" Miura said now on the verge of losing her cool.
"Sorry," Yuigahama mumbled glancing downward.
"I told you 'sorry' doesn't cut it! there's something you want to say right?" Miura demanded. Yeah, I've got plenty of things that I want to say about your annoying bitch ass...seriously what kind of so called 'friend' are you to put her in the spotlight like that I thought gobbling down the last bit of my yakisoba and opening up my chocolate milk.
I pulled out my phone and started reading the next chapter of Dragon Ball Z.
I had no interest in helping Yuigahama really just because we helped her and now hangs out at the Service Club with us doesn't mean I owe her anything. That's the mistake people make confusing kindness for obligation and mistaking occasional support for lifelong loyalty.
I don't do charity nor 'rescue missions' and I sure as hell don't do savior complexes wrapped in awkward social contracts.
Yuigahama looks like she's uncomfortable and is now starting to get fidgety under Miura's gaze she's clutching her packed lunch tightly out of sheer anxiety from the social pressure. Miura's just sitting there arms crossed, eyes narrowed, and now wearing an expression of annoyance.
If you ask me, this isn't friendship.
This is hostage negotiation.
Still, I'm not surprised that's the thing about people they'll keep you close just to make sure you never stand taller than them. They'll say it's out of concern, or because their 'friends' but underneath it all is control.
Yuigahama is finally starting to realize that.
I see her biting down on her lips and just for a second.
A flicker of defiance that'll probably die before it ever catches flame appeared in her eyes. Too bad really, I'd pay good money to see her torch that whole damn hierarchy of fakers.
But of course, she won't it's in the nature of people like her.
She'll instead most likely apologize again, maybe buy Miura that stupid lemon tea out of guilt, and tomorrow it'll be like this never happened.
In conclusion this will result in the same dance but on different days depending on how many times Yuigahama does or says something that will make Miura get into opposition with each other.
"Pathetic," I muttered lowly enough so that no one could hear except for maybe Hikigaya who gives me a look glance before turning back to his own phone again.
Suddenly though he began to stand up much to my surprise "hey how about-" whatever he was about to say was cut off when Miura sent him a snake like glare that even made me flinch back a bit "shut your mouth!" she yelled.
"H-How about I go get myself something to drink or maybe I won't," Hikigaya awkwardly said sitting back into his seat.
I sighed feeling kind of bad for him "well I hope you took that as learned Hikigaya, loners don't help or interfere into other people's business especially the 'popular' kind that's like among the top 20 in my own 669 rules for loners," I softly said for him to hear.
"Yeah, but those are your own rules mines have different ones along with 108 skills to go along with them," he whispered back.
"108 skills? Thats to low I've got 110 skills," I said scrolling to the next chapter of the manga where Nappa is about to fight off against the other Z-Fighters.
My left ear twitched as soon as Miura started to speak again "oh yeah well I'll say this for your sake that indecisive attitude of yours is really irritating," right I thought letting out a small snort because your's totally isn't.
Bet no one's told you that to your face though since their so afraid of you.
"Sorry," Yuigahama mumbled.
"That again? All you've been doing is apologize," Miura said leaning back on her chair only for the familiar voice of Yukino Yukinoshita to make its self-known "you're apologizing to the wrong person Yuigahama."
With her arms cooly crossed Yukinoshita stood there staring down at the group "Yuigahama if you're going to invite me yourself and then not show up, I have to wonder what that says about you. If you're going to be late, isn't it common courtesy to call me?" she lectured.
"Sorry! But I don't know your number" Yuigahama said running over to her.
"Oh? Then I guess it's not entirely your fault then I'll let it go this time," Yukinoshita admitted.
Miura stood up looking pissed off "h-hey! You and I aren't finish talking" heh I didn't miss that stutter clearly, she's now nervous and fully self-conscious of herself with the rival 'Queen' now in the room I thought taking another sip from my drink finishing it completely.
"Talking? You consider that a conversation? It appeared to me that you were just forcing your opinions on her," Yukinoshita replied.
"Huh?" Miura questioned.
"I am sorry I didn't notice I am not very well versed in the ecosystem like you all live in I thought you were an ape trying to intimidate me. It's fine if you want to play King of the mountain and try to look tough but please keep it confined within your own territory your bluff will quickly flake off just like your make up," ohoho that was a nice burn right there Yukinoshita I thought with a grin.
While I do have my problems with Yukinoshita, it's good to see that someone on my top ten list of annoying bitches in the school get taken down a notch.
"What are you talking about? You make no sense," Miura said.
Geez what a total dunderhead she's obviously calling you out on the tactics you've been using against Yuigahama.
However, there is no doubt that with all this tension in the air at which it's now time for Hayama to step in to play his role as the mediator/nice guy I deduced flicking my imaginary glasses up with a distinct shine.
"Okay, okay Yukinoshita that's enough, you to Yumiko," and just like both girls have now backed off as expected of you Hayama.
"I'll go on ahead," Yukinoshita said looking over to Yuigahama who smiled "I'll catch up with you!"
Suddenly everyone else began to leave the room coming up with various excuses to leave Yuigahama and Miura by themselves.
Guess I'll leave to then no use in being the only one here I thought sliding my backpack over one arm while the other stuffed itself into the pocket of my brown coat that I usually wore over my uniform clothes and exited the class.
I leaned back against the window, Hikigaya stood a few meters away from me, and Yukinoshita a bit farther near the door with her arms crossed together as we all eavesdropped on the conversation inside.
"Sorry I just feel uneasy when I don't match everyone else like I end up trying to follow the mood...I've always been like that you know? When we played house, I wanted to be the mother but if someone else wanted to be it then I'd be the dog it might be because I grew up in a housing complex," Yuigahama began.
It's like I've said before and I'll say it again Yuigahama it's because you have the mentality of a follower I thought with disappointment.
"I have no idea what you're trying to say," Miura said in a completely disinterested tone.
Seriously women you could try to pay attention whatever at least Yuigahama's now actually trying to tell you how she's feeling right now.
"Yeah, your right I am not sure either but watching Hiki, Shio, and Yukinon made me think..." Yuigahama's next words honestly surprised me.
"They say what they think and pick up on each other's moods and they seem fun without trying to match each other they just seem right," she confessed.
Seem right? I questioned glancing over to both Hikigaya and Yukinoshita...just what the hell does that means? I had to mentally ask myself again.
Seriously don't just say stuff like that so casually, damn it.
Like, how am I even supposed to respond to something like that? That's not the kind of thing you throw out there with that dumb smile of yours and expect everyone to just nod along and go "aww how wholesome."
I mean seriously, we seem right? Are you out of your mind Yuigahama? There's nothing right about us. In fact, if there was a manual on what not to do in social relationships we'd probably be on the cover flashing peace signs and pretending we don't want to strangle each other every other day...mainly just me and Yukinoshita I've got no problems with Hikigaya.
Hikigaya's a brooding loner like me only with dead-fish eyes instead of skunk-like hair or an abnormal eye color, Yukinoshita's got the personality of an iceberg that thinks it's too good for the Titanic.
As for me? I'm... I'm just there, okay? I'm like that one optional DLC character no one asked for but gets added anyway in a late patch.
And yet... and yet she said that.
She said we 'seem right' as if we're some perfect little ensemble cast straight out of one of those corny dramas she probably binge-watches when no one's looking.
Tch, don't say embarrassing things like that Yuigahama some of us are still trying to maintain our cool aloof persona over here.
I looked away, pretending to adjust my sleeve hoping no one noticed the faint flush crawling up my neck.
Hikigaya, of course remained motionless like a socially awkward gargoyle and Yukinoshita didn't budge either though I swear I saw her blink twice.
"So, I thought maybe I was wrong to try so hard to match everyone else I mean both Hikki and Shio are totally reclusive right? Hiki pretends to sleep, laughs while he reads books, and it's so creepy," I closed my eyes letting a closed lip smile appear on my face both to stop myself from laughing at Hikigaya and because...I think I may have been wrong to judge Yuigahama so quickly about being an obedient follower.
She has potential to move herself up from being a faker.
"I thought you just did that at the clubroom but you do it in the classroom too? That's really creepy you should stop" Yukinoshita whispered.
"She's got a point man I mean that laugh sounds like a cartoon villian," I admitted.
"If you two noticed that then you should have said so," he said irritably turning his head away.
"No way I don't want to talk with you when you're being creepy," Yukinoshita denied while I shrugged my shoulders "I figured that you already knew sorry Hikigaya."
"Shio also doesn't hesitate in being honest when someone asks him something, smiles when he's playing on his phone, although he thinks I don't notice but I've seen how he randomly looks at everyone around the class it's also kind of creepy especially with those red eyes of his," Yuigahama said.
I blinked then blinked again.
Wait hold up creepy? Creepy?! Did she just call me creepy too?
Excuse me?
I mean yeah, okay maybe I do check the room from time to time.
It's called being constantly vigilant Yuigahama and for the record, these red eyes of mine? They're genetic! Not my fault I ended up looking like some budget anime villain! That's discrimination based on eye color and I'm pretty sure that's illegal somewhere!
Yes okay sure, I am totally blunt when someone asks me something but that's a good thing, right?! Like congratulations Yuigahama you've successfully described the traits of a well-adjusted emotionally independent person with basic social intelligence.
I should be charging people for lessons not getting called creepy for them! And yet... and yet...
I didn't feel mad not really just kind of... annoyed.
Embarrassed maybe? The kind where your ears get hot and you start getting that weird twitch in your cheek like you're trying not to pout?
Jeez what the hell is wrong with me today? I scoffed and crossed my arms, turning my face further away as if the view outside suddenly held the answers to all life's problems.
"She's seriously the worst," I muttered "going around saying stuff like no doubt having that dumb smile of hers on... acting like she knows anything..."
Behind me Yukinoshita let out a soft "hmph" and Hikigaya scratched the back of his head like this was all giving him secondhand embarrassment.
"I am not creepy," I said again under my breath, more to myself than anyone "I'm mysterious there's a difference one's cool the other's well...creepy."
Yukinoshita sighed, finally breaking the silence "I can't believe that you of all people are actually sulking incredible."
"Sulking?! No one's sulking princess" I snapped, glaring at her "this is called calmly reflecting on the unfair judgment of my character."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, tsundere," Hikigaya added not even looking my way.
"Like you're one to talk, Mister Evil Laughter," I shot back before slipping my hands into my coat pockets and leaning even further against the window "you know what? Fine let her say whatever she wants doesn't matter to me."
Even though it did.
A little.
Okay maybe more than a little.
Because deep down, hearing her talk like that...like we were something that "seemed right" it hit differently.
Like... what if, in her weird roundabout Yuigahama way, she actually meant that? That maybe despite all our differences the three of us fit together in a way that looked...genuine I thought feeling that familiar terrible feeling of hope rise to my chest again.
Tch nah no way.
"Stupid Yuigahama," I muttered one last time tugging my coat collar up to hide the grin I refused to admit was forming.
"And well that's the story...it's not that I don't like you Yumiko so think we can still be friends?" Yuigahama asked.
The grin on my face was wiped away and replaced with a frown I see perhaps it was a tad bit too soon to say she's completely changed if she's asking to still be friends with her.
"Really? I guess so," Miura relented.
"Sorry and thanks," Yuigahama said.
"So she really can actually say it," Yukinoshita muttered slowly walking away.
"Yeah...she can," I admitted.
Ah right speaking of which I should probably go before she comes out and notices all of us heard her I thought heading the opposite way from Yukinoshita. Leaving poor Hikigaya to without a doubt get caught by Yuigahama.
Gomen Hikigaya you'll have to take one for the team.
-end of chapter four-
Damn 4,000 words is now officially the longest chapter I've ready surpassing the 2,000 I did last time.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments.