In the Vast Underworld
Hades traveled to Hecate's domain, taking the scenic route instead of simply teleporting. He drifted as a vast cloud of night‑black smoke, laced with blue sparks and streaks of purple lightning. Souls along his path knelt at the mere impression of their king. Farther away, even the Satans and the most powerful Fallen sensed Hades leaving his palace; they wisely chose not to investigate.
Hades' POV
I'm about ten minutes from Hecate's realm. First, I should tell Persephone—and my insufferable brothers, Zeus and Poseidon—so they don't panic or, worse, cause trouble. If my wife thinks I'm in danger, she'll start a war to find me.
Landing on solid ground, I decide to walk the rest of the way. Alfred's outfit choice—black trench coat with a hood, invisibility enchantment woven into the lining, boots and gloves traced with azure, midnight‑dark T‑shirt—looks different from his usual style, but it's well‑made and self‑repairing.
"He called this the 'Vergil outfit.' I'll have to look up the reference—whoever Vergil is, he must be stylish."
A burst of blue fire conjures my phone. I ring Persephone first.
Call with Persephone
Persephone:Hades! Calling already—miss me?
Hades:Always.
Persephone:You'll make me blush. Mom's nearby. What's up—did something happen, or did you just want to hear my voice because it brings you peace?
Hades:The answer is both, but mostly, I'm calling because I'm taking a vacation—for a year or two.
Persephone:What!? Who are you, and what have you done with my husband!? My dear doesn't know the word "vacation!"
My face twitches. I don't know whether to feel insulted or proud that she knows me that well.
Hades:It's really me. The Underworld will be fine for a bit.
Persephone:Prove it.
Hades:Germany. Chocolate. The ropes. What we did in that hotel…
Persephone:Noooo! Only the real Hades would mention that! Fine—I believe you.
Hades:Alfred's in charge. Ask him if anything comes up.
Persephone:Bring me souvenirs. And try not to knock up anyone.
Hades:I'm not like my siblings.
Persephone:Dear, we're Greek gods.
Hades:That doesn't mean—
Persephone:Zeus is your brother.
Hades:...Fair point.
Persephone:Enjoy your vacation and send photos! Love you!
Hades:Love you too. Enjoy time with your mother.
Group Chat: The Big Three
Opening the chat, I see Poseidon posting surfing selfies and horse races, while Zeus spams photos of beautiful women.
The latest image? Sydney Sweeney—one of Aphrodite's demi-god children.
UltraThunderChad (Zeus):Sydney Sweeney—smash or pass? Rate from 1–10.
HorseSurferBoy (Poseidon):8.5. Smash.
CoffeeIsDeath (me):Smash. Solid 7—maybe 8 if she tries.
Then I drop the bomb.
CoffeeIsDeath:Going on vacation. Year, maybe two. Don't call unless Olympus burns, Typhon escapes, or Grandma throws another tantrum. Even then, don't bother unless you're getting your asses kicked (send pictures).
UTC:Very funny, Hermes. Hades doesn't do vacations.
HSB:Agreed. Hades? Vacation? About as likely as Zeus practicing abstinence.
CoffeeIsDeath:It's me. Already told Persephone. Leaving Alfred in charge. You've been warned. So long, gooner #1 and #2. May the Fates have mercy on your overworked brains.
UTC:!!!
HSB:!!!
UTC:Okay okay—we can talk about this. Don't leave. I need you here to keep the other pantheons off my back. I'll promise you a proper vacation in the next century!
HSB:Bring me back a water-themed souvenir!
UTC:Why are you encouraging him!?
HSB:He's Hades. If he's going, nothing can stop him. Better gifts than getting dragged by your ankles across Olympus.
CoffeeIsDeath:I might bring you gifts. No promises.
UTC:Fine! Just... not another trident. Something with lightning! Or romance. A romantic lightning relic!
HSB:Get me one of those divine deep-sea pearls—Poseidon-approved!
"Oh dear Mother, are you sure Zeus and Poseidon aren't adopted? It would explain so much."
Also, let's be honest: Zeus and Poseidon would be average-looking mortals without the divine glow-up. Their real faces would make a satyr weep.
Call with Mother Rhea
Rhea:Hades! My favorite son! How are you?
Hades:Doing well. And you?
Rhea:Enjoying retirement in Florida. That new god, Florida Man, is delightful—like a younger, less spiteful Zeus. Comes around for divine advice now and then.
Hades:That's… horrifyingly fitting. Listen, I might not visit this year or next.
Rhea:Oh… That's okay. I understand. Just like your siblings—
Hades:No! It's not like that. I'm going on vacation. A real one.
Rhea:Who are you and what have you done with my son Hades!?
Hades:Mother… it's me. Honest.
Rhea:I'm just teasing. I'm so happy you're taking time to rest. But please—bring back photos.
Hades:Of course. Maybe I'll even bring Persephone along next time so we can all spend time together.
Rhea:That's lovely. But dear… when are you giving me more grandchildren?
Hades:We already had one!
Rhea:One? Not enough. I want at least five!
I nearly choke on air.
Rhea:Pick up some divine fertility potions while you're out. Adds potency.
Hades:Zeus and Poseidon are the kid factories. I'm better than that.
Rhea:But you're the only one who visits! And you inherited the best traits from me and your father. Handsome genes must be passed on, dear. Unlike your brothers, who'd be average without that divine filter Olympus adds to their profile pictures.
I sigh.
Hades:Fine. I'll talk to Persephone when I get back.
Rhea:That's all I ask. Enjoy yourself—and I love you.
Hades:I love you too.
Arrival at Hecate's Realm
The triple-headed gate of Hecate's domain opens. Rainbow-lit torches guide me through a crossroad that pulses with ancient magic. Her wards glow with pink knows me as both ally and friend.
After ten minutes of walking, I arrive at a massive black door flanked by statues of dogs wrapped in serpents. I insert the purple-fire key she gave me.
Inside, Hecate is already working—her brown skin radiant, reddish-brown eyes focused, black robes swirling with blue enchantments. Magical items float in precise alignment, power humming through the air.
She sees me and smiles.
Hecate: "Hello, Hades. Late, as always."
Hades: "Hello, Princess Jasmine. Death is never late. It always arrives on time."