Chapter 11: The Serpent's Lair
[Adam Yukimura POV]
The news of Orochimaru's continued activities reached Konoha like a cold, slithering whisper. He was still out there, still experimenting, still being a general menace to society and a prime target for my unique death collection. With my new Special Jonin status, and the ability to die twice to the same person, it was time to pay the snake a visit. And maybe, just maybe, acquire some truly disturbing skills.
"Tsunade, my love!" I announced, bursting into her office, where she was, surprisingly, not buried in paperwork, but actually looking at a map of the Land of Sound. "I've decided! I'm going after Orochimaru! Think of it as a pre-wedding gift! I'll bring back his head on a platter! Or, you know, just get myself killed by him a couple of times for research purposes. Whichever works."
Tsunade slammed her fist on the desk. "Are you insane?! Orochimaru is a Sannin! He's incredibly dangerous! You're a civilian who just learned how to make sand explode!"
"Exactly!" I countered, beaming. "Who would he suspect? My very civilian-like appearance is my greatest weapon! He'll be so confused by my sheer audacity, he won't know what hit him! Or, more accurately, what I let hit me."
Shizune, ever the voice of reason, looked terrified. "Adam-san, please reconsider! This isn't a game! Orochimaru won't hesitate to kill you!"
"Oh, I'm counting on it, Shizune-chan!" I chirped. "That's the whole point! Besides, I'm a Special Jonin now! I have official clearance for reckless endangerment! And I'll bring back some cool souvenirs! Maybe a new pet snake! Or a cursed seal! Ooh, a cursed seal would be amazing! Think of the dramatic flair!"
Tsunade stared at me for a long moment, then sighed, a deep, weary sound. "Fine. But you're taking a team. And you're following their orders. And if you die more than twice, I'm personally going to make sure Jiraiya writes a terrible romance novel about your 'tragic' demise."
"Deal!" I said, practically bouncing with excitement. "Who's the lucky team that gets to witness my glorious, strategic self-destruction?"
My "lucky" team consisted of Kakashi Hatake, Yamato, and Sai. Kakashi, ever the laid-back genius, looked at me with his usual half-lidded gaze. Yamato, stoic and serious, seemed perpetually on edge around me. Sai, with his unsettlingly blank smile, just seemed… curious.
"So, Adam-san," Kakashi said, his eye crinkling. "Tsunade-sama said you're… unique. And that we should expect the unexpected."
"Oh, you have no idea, Kakashi-sensei!" I chirped. "I'm a walking, talking, regenerating enigma! My middle name is 'Chaos'! My last name is 'Why-Is-He-Still-Alive'!"
Our journey to one of Orochimaru's hidden labs was uneventful, but the lab itself was a nightmare. Dark, damp, filled with the stench of chemicals and something vaguely reptilian. And then, we found him. Orochimaru, in all his pale, snake-like glory.
"Well, well," Orochimaru hissed, his golden eyes fixing on me. "What do we have here? A new specimen? You reek of… novelty. And a curious lack of self-preservation."
"Orochimaru-sama! The legend himself!" I exclaimed, bowing dramatically. "Adam Yukimura, at your service! And by 'service,' I mean 'here to get myself killed by you in the most spectacular way possible'!"
Kakashi and Yamato immediately went on guard. Sai just drew his brush.
"Fascinating," Orochimaru mused, a cruel smile playing on his lips. "You wish to die? A rare desire. Most cling to life with pathetic desperation. Very well. Let us see if your death is as entertaining as your introduction."
The battle began. Kakashi and Yamato engaged Orochimaru, while Sai provided support. I, however, had a different objective. I needed to get hit by Orochimaru's unique attacks.
My first target: his Hidden Shadow Snake Hands. I "accidentally" stumbled, putting myself directly in the path of the torrent of snakes erupting from his sleeve. They bit, they constricted, they poisoned. The sensation was excruciating, a thousand tiny needles injecting venom into my bloodstream. My body seized up, my lungs burned, and then… darkness.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: OROCHIMARU (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC SERPENTINE CHAKRA (Passive) - A minor affinity for serpentine chakra, granting slight flexibility and a very limited resistance to common poisons. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (OROCHIMARU): 1 ]
I gasped, sitting up, spitting out a non-existent snake. My body felt… limber. And the lingering taste of venom was surprisingly not unpleasant. "Basic Serpentine Chakra! Excellent! Now I can probably, maybe, perhaps, do a really good snake impression! Or, you know, survive a bad batch of sushi! The possibilities are endless!"
Kakashi, who had just managed to deflect a strike, stared at me, his visible eye wide. Yamato looked like he was about to faint. Sai just tilted his head.
"He… he just died," Kakashi whispered. "And then he just… got up."
"I told you I was unique, Kakashi-sensei!" I chirped, jumping to my feet. "Now, Orochimaru-sama, my good man! That was invigorating! Do you have any other exciting ways to dispatch me? Perhaps something involving a sword through the chest? Or a giant snake swallowing me whole? I'm open to suggestions!"
Orochimaru, for the first time, looked genuinely intrigued. "You truly are… a curious specimen. Very well. Let us try something more… direct."
He lunged, his Kusanagi blade extending from his throat. I, with practiced ease, "failed" to dodge, allowing the blade to pierce my heart. The sensation was cold, sharp, and surprisingly quick.
[ YOU HAVE BEEN KILLED BY: OROCHIMARU (UNIQUE DEATH!) ][ SKILL ACQUIRED: BASIC BODY MODIFICATION PRINCIPLES (Passive) - A rudimentary understanding of the principles behind altering one's physical form through chakra or surgical means. ][ DEATHS REMAINING (OROCHIMARU): 0 ]
I sat up, pulling the blade out of my chest. It healed instantly. My body felt… adaptable. Like I could almost feel the subtle shifts in my own cellular structure. "Basic Body Modification Principles! Oh, this is going to be so useful! Now I can probably, maybe, perhaps, grow an extra arm for carrying groceries! Or, you know, just subtly change my eye color for dramatic effect! The possibilities are endless!"
Orochimaru, seeing me perfectly fine after two fatal blows, actually took a step back. A genuine look of bewilderment crossed his face. "Impossible… What are you?"
"I'm your future problem, Orochimaru-sama!" I declared, grinning. "And now that I've collected my skills, I'm afraid our little playdate is over! Unless you have a giant summoning that can crush me? Because that would be amazing!"
Kakashi, Yamato, and Sai, recovering from their shock, redoubled their efforts, forcing Orochimaru to retreat. As he vanished into the shadows, he cast one last, lingering look at me. A look of intense, scientific curiosity.
" He's going to be thinking about me. A lot. This is good. This is very, very good. "
We returned to Konoha, the mission a partial success. Orochimaru had escaped, but we had gathered valuable intelligence, and I had acquired two invaluable skills.
"Tsunade, my love!" I announced, strolling into her office, covered in dust and a faint smell of snake. "Mission accomplished! Well, mostly! Orochimaru got away, but I got some amazing new skills! And I only died twice! See? I told you I was good at this!"
Tsunade looked at me, then at the reports from Kakashi and Yamato, which detailed my bizarre behavior and miraculous resurrections. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "You are going to be the death of me, Adam."
"Only if you punch me hard enough, my love!" I chirped. "And even then, I'll just come back! Stronger! More annoying! And even more in love with you!"
I immediately retreated to my apartment to merge my new skills. "Basic Serpentine Chakra" and "Basic Body Modification Principles." This was going to be interesting.
"System, merge 'Basic Serpentine Chakra' and 'Basic Body Modification Principles'!"
[ MERGE SUCCESSFUL! ][ NEW SKILL ACQUIRED: REPTILIAN ADAPTATION (Passive) - Enhanced flexibility, minor resistance to various toxins, and a subtle ability to regenerate minor wounds at an accelerated rate. ]
"Reptilian Adaptation! Oh, this is fantastic! Now I can probably, maybe, perhaps, contort myself into impossible positions! And survive even more questionable street food! And heal even faster! This is going to be amazing for my next 'accidental' fall from a great height!"
My unique death count was creeping up again.
[ CURRENT UNIQUE DEATHS: 38 ]
Life as a Special Jonin was glorious. I was officially sanctioned to cause chaos, acquire skills, and annoy the Hokage. And with "Reptilian Adaptation," I was practically unkillable. Unless, of course, I wanted to be. Which, let's be honest, I always did.